- I'm homesick today.
- I'm tired.
- I have nothing interesting or funny to say.
- I slept horribly last night.
- my dog vomited by my head this morning. great wake up call. so aromatic. really. truly disgusting.
- I owe beautiful beth and the simian stud meems. you know I love meems. still. I suck fat, greezy homeless ass for not doing it yet.
- I washed my car today.
- I cleaned my house.
- I just realized my neighbor from across the street tries to glance through my window to see my tits. I'm a lil' pissed about it actually.
- it was my sister's b-day on friday. happy birthday kerri berry.
- I'm retaining a shitload of water. I think I'm ovulating.
- I just want to watch lawr and ordah and do nothing. but, I can't.
- I want to sleep, but I can't do that either. I couldn't sport sleep for all the bagels in brooklyn.
- I haven't hit any of my favey blogs this weekend.
- I haven't hit my christian zealy blogs either.
- I haven't been online that much this weekend.
- I'm just a blue jew right now.
- it'll pass
- I'm way into bullet points at the minee. can you tell?
- everyone is waiting.
- I'm waiting, too.
- more later.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
sticky post until tamarah night, so scroll down AFTER and only AFTER you've read this!
Thursday, July 26th at 7:30pm
The Fixx Reading Series
Hosted by: Gutharoo
The Fixx Coffee Bar
3053 N Sheffield Ave., Chicago
Charles Blackstone author of The Week You Weren't Here
Rick Karlin author of Show Biz Kids
Elaine Soloway, author of The Division Street Princess
Saturday, July 21, 2007
I have to write now. hacky bitch that I am. I need to quit putzin' around. woman up and make it happen.
Friday, July 20, 2007
In this very moment, I can hear one of my neighbors complaining to someone on the phone about how hot he is and how bad his day was. all I want to do is say, when your cunt bleeds at 90 mph and you have hostage vice gripping cramps, you can complain. until then SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU WHINY, WRETCHED, VILE, BLOOD & CRAMP FREE COCK SUCKIN BASTARD. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
ahhhhhhh... I feel better now that I got that out. I am hemorrhaging like hunted fresh kill. my poor beav and ovaries. they're on fire.
I think the lack of sleep is making me a bit irrational. I wonder.. does lack of sleep affect cramps? my sister is having a horribly painful menses this month, too. we got our periods hours apart this month and every time we're together, our hormones mingle to accelerate the flow and increase the pain. that's never happened to us before. usually our hormones are super good to each other.
NO. I DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS ANYTHING ELSE BESIDES MY MENSES RIGHT NOW. IT'S ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT AT THE MINEE.
I love getting my period. sucks when the cramps are so bad I can't appreciate it my woombly splendor.
it's 5 mothah fuckin cock suckin am. I've been up since 3. I made myself horizontal around 11ish. I've slept maybe 6 hours in two nights. if I don't get some sleep, I am going to do a drama diva swan dive off the GGB (golden gate bridge). oh-my-god. I am so FUCKIN' tired.
I woke up at 3AM to baghdad in my vagina. clots the size of a king's ransom. villages of busted rusty pipes pouring and gushing out of my snappin' pussy. the tank (my heating pad) conked out in the middle of the fuck-off-whore night. leaving my ovaries and womb unprotected and unable to fend for itself. where's my fuckin' back-up, god dammit? it's bad enough having a post pre-menstrual map of iraqi cities to attack on my face.
I'm going to make myself horizontal and have a word with jesus. according to the zealots, he seems to be quite the miracle worker that one. if he thinks a loin cloth and thorn hat and a stroll will help me sleep, I'm down. the only thing I'm not willing to do is the nail/cross thing. I'm just not that S&M-ee. the buck stops at dirty talk, hair pulling and slap-slap.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
the gates have opened and my flange is flowing with fire engine red blood. it's a crampy, gushy gaza strip between my sweet thighs.
it's a shame they don't make bush pads. though, I'd never shove a bushpon up my snatch, I'd happily bleed all over his smug, disgusting ass. and I love menstruating! love it.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Show starts at 10:30 PM. Don't forget to stay for the fabulous
today was my aunt fudgie's birthay. she turned 87. every year she comes up with a slogan. last year it was, I'm 86 and in a mothah fuckin fix. she was recovering from a virulent eye cancer. this year, her slogan is I'm 87 and I ain't in heaven. she played me her birthday recordings that she put together for her fiesta. dude, she is queen of the mix tape. celebrate good times, sexy back and drop it like it's hot. if that isn't one inspiring broad, I don't know who is.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Bubs said... bless us all with your groovy pictures and cunt talk.There. Are you happy now?
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
I see that my vadge poll has stirred quite a lot of ahj from the veypeens. someone even suggested that my actions were sexist (ha! as if). women have a much different relationship with their v's than men have with their cockadoodledo's.
whether a man is sporting 3 inches or a dozen inches, he holds court daily and has a shrine to his pleasure plunger. he is incessantly fascinated by the cool white shit that comes out of the tip and anything he can stick it into, including but not limited to, a toasty watermelon with a widget hole to simulate the blessed cunt.
truth: I envy that men have such a deep, organic appreciation for their peens. bunch'o bitches. seriously:: you are very lucky.
women on the other hand have a much different relationship with their vagina's. if we're not stressing about vulva placement, color, clitoral location or scent, we're freaking out about her drool factor when not aroused. we are delighted by a daily barrage of reasons to worry about and loathe our cunts.
"she's got mud flaps." "I ony fuck coin slots." "dude, she had an echoing grand canyon sized puss." "ewww. she had a puffy beef box." "for just 3K, you can have the vagina of your dreams with vaginal rejuvenation." "do your lips stick out? for $1,500 we can give you a porn star pussy."
I could go on for days, children. seriously: the poll was to get women talking about their delicious, moody pussies and for the men who love them to spill about that beav love.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Shalom Canadian lovahs... guess what, Guthykins is doing a reading in Salt Ste. Marie, Ontario Canada on Tuesday (tomorrow) at our boy bacon's coffee shop. are you plotzing?! I'm plotzing and kvelling.
Here's the dish, now get out there and treat your soul to three fallen women. you will not regret it! it's a delicious and exquisite read.
Tuesday, July 10th, 7pm
Arcadia Coffee House
(in conjunction with Uppercase Books)
819 Queen Street East
Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario
the caption: "HAIR TO SPARE :: Before hitting the Hollywood club scene for the first time since her release from jail, Paris Hilton picks up some boxes of her own line of Clip 'n' Go hair extensions at a Beverly Hills salon on Friday."
we know the hair isn't for the cancer crowd because that would be, um, well, you know, human. I betchya, the clip-n-go pare-hair is probably for the homeless. yes, that's gotta be it.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
the hardest part about not mattering to someone is the moment you realize that you don't matter to them and you never really did.
(((UPDATE)))--wait-- I am not talking about myself. thank you teeny and evadge for the kind sentiments, but this one isn't about lady hortz.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 1:54 AM
names (off the top of my head) of men I would never fuck.
4. cecil, pronounced sessil
are you seeing a pattern?
Saturday, July 07, 2007
every time I park across the street from my buildink under the street lamp, my yachna neighbor screams (sight unseen)
BACK UP THREE FEET. THRRREEEEE FEET. THREE FEET! BACK. BACK. BAAAACK! GAAAAAAAAAHD.
it would be a nice gesture if he said, you might want to back up a little. but, this is a demand, bordering harassment. I could be on the phone or in the middle of a conversation with a passenger. fuck. juice and I could be exiting the car and he's hockin. thanks for your concern, but what if I like bird shit? what if I'm too cheap to spring for a paint job or I'm going for an organic white with a green hue?! back-the-fuck-off, bitch.
today, after berating my ignorant parking job, he wailed, when are you going to get that damn sunroof fixed?! I wanted to scream, suck my ovaries, pig fuck. why is my sunroof his business? it's my car and my choice. I happen to like the slide factor. so it doesn't close all the way. if I have a problem with it, don't I have the right to make that decision for myself?! what am I? retarded.
does anyone appreciate my plight?!
Friday, July 06, 2007
Teen Choice Awards 2007 Nomination
Current mood: working
Hope you all had a great holiday! Very exciting news…I have been nominated for the Teen Choice Awards ‘07, in the Female Reality/Variety category! The show is airing live Sunday, August 26th, 8pm/7pm CST. I would love for you to show your support by voting at the link below: http://www.fox.com/teenchoice/
All my love,
Happy 4th of July!
Current mood: excited
Hey everyone! I'm back from my much needed vacation in Maui. It was so beautiful and relaxing. But its good to be home again. I just want to thank you all for your letters of love and support. I am doing my best to respond to each and every one with the letter I wrote--that message was for fans like you who have supported me through it all.I wanted to let you all know that I'm going to be updating my myspace and writing in more cause I haven't done it in awhile. The past month has inspired me to move forward with some exciting new projects, so I will keep you all posted. Happy 4th of July everyone, and remember to be responsible and have a designated driver! Just looking out for you all. I love you and have an amazing summer!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 1:26 PM
Thursday, July 05, 2007
thyroid dish. read that and find out about thyroid diseases, like, hypothyroidism, hyperthyroidism, graves disease, hashimotos and a bunch'a other thyahj.
somebody please tell me how a girl's intestines get sucked out of her ass while she's sitting on a pool drain. what we have here, my friends is the worlds greatest cock sucker that will sadly never see the light of day. for the ass suckage dish, check out the video.
I keep in touch with my first blowjob. see, when my dad was going through open heart surgery last year, I needed a distraction, so I googled him and donchya know, I found him and decided to send a missive.
how are you? you probably don't remember me. I gave you my first blowjob. anyway, just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing.
hope all is well,
Yet when I learned that President Bush had commuted Libby's 30-month sentence, I was enraged although not surprised. Rage should not be a standard response to political events (though avoiding it has gotten harder in recent years), so I had to ask if my anger was justified. Here's the case for getting mad and staying mad.
President Bush's rationale for commuting Libby's sentence was based precisely on arguments that have been, as the New York Times reported Wednesday, "routinely and strenuously opposed by his own Justice Department."
"Given the administration's tough stand on sentencing," the Times's Adam Liptak wrote, "the president's arguments left experts in sentencing law scratching their heads."
After you've finished your head-scratching, is it possible to avoid concluding that this was a one-time-only action rooted not in law but in politics and favoritism for an aide who loyally misled the prosecution in a case that implicated top figures of Bush's own administration?
Bush said Libby's sentence was excessive. But as Ron Fournier of the Associated Press reported, "the 2 1/2 years handed Libby was much like the sentences given others convicted in obstruction cases."
In fairness, Fournier also pointed to a certain inconsistency on the issue of perjury on the Democratic side (Bill Clinton and all that). Ed Morrissey, a staunch conservative who runs the influential Captain's Quarters blog, also went after the Clintons, but Morrissey's own sense of consistency wouldn't allow him to embrace Bush's decision. "I'm not convinced that the administration should have intervened at all," Morrissey wrote. "The sentence fit within the sentencing guidelines championed by Republicans for years as a bulwark against soft-on-crime federal judges, even if it was on the long end of the guidelines by some interpretations. The underlying crimes go to the heart of the rule of law, and those who commit perjury and obstruction should go to prison."
If Bush had been confident that the law was on his side, he might have sought input on the decision from his Justice Department. He did no such thing.
As Michael Abramowitz reported in Tuesday's Post: "For the first time in his presidency, Bush commuted a sentence without running requests through lawyers at the Justice Department, White House officials said. He also did not ask the chief prosecutor in the case, Patrick J. Fitzgerald, for his input, as routinely happens in cases routed through the Justice Department's pardon attorney." Again: This was a one-time-only ticket for one guy.
But if Bush meant that, he'd declare that a full pardon for Libby is out of the question. The day after he commuted Libby's sentence, Bush explicitly refused to do so. Moving back to stonewalling, the president said, "As to the future, I rule nothing in or nothing out."
Notice the pattern: When the heat was on in the CIA leak case, Bush issued a strong pledge to fire anybody involved in leaking. He didn't. When Libby was indicted, Bush ducked comment until Libby was at prison's door. Now, by keeping Libby free, Bush can conveniently postpone a full pardon until after the 2008 election. In the meantime, Libby has no incentive to tell prosecutors anything new about what happened in this case. As liberal blogs have noted, since he was not pardoned outright, he can use the pending appeal of his conviction to avoid testifying before Congress.
It's an airtight coverup made possible by the administration's willingness to bend the law. We spent months talking about Clinton's pardon of the fugitive financier Marc Rich. This commutation is an even greater outrage because it involves the administration taking steps to slip accountability for its own actions. Are we just going to let this one go by?
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
have ya's been to six sentences? it's a fun, festive and fabulous site. yarns are spun in six sentences. guthy's got many 6S posted, zulkey, sparks and a slew of other writers we just laaaaaahv.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
and now.... timeless vixen in: the pink roses party dress, the polka dot wiggle, the polka dot sequins and the mod sailor, and oh what a vixen she is.
for the record, I would pay a mint to see her dark side