and this...

funny, no?

my dad emailed me this.

if I were...

a drug addict, I'd probably roll out with prescription drugs. It's the perfect fat free high!

sadly, I'm a wuss.

I love the smell of beer on a man's breath.

what does all of this say about cratie mortz?!

final pie note

when I said:

I would stuff myself with pie until I was so neaseaus that I never wanted pie again.

what I mean is that I would wait at least a month before going down, no-boundary-pie-lane. I WOULD never give up pie for good.

omg.

I WANT CHOCOLATE CREAM PIE!

clarity on the craving

I just want to make it clear that I'd space out the types of pies hourly.

Chocolate cream pie would be hour one.

I think next, for hour two, I'd eat apple. It's kind of one of those checklist pies more then a desire pie.

Third hour, I'd eat the peach slices.

Fourth hour, key lime all the way...

But now I really want chocolate cream pie over all those fucking stupid pies. That's the one I really want.

A WHOLE CHOCOLATE CREAM PIE!

cravings

If I could eat a whole pie right now, I would. But here's what I'd do. I'd have three slices of chocolate cream pie. Three slices of key lime pie. One slice of apple pie, HOT, and two slices of peach pie, HOT. Those three slices of apple and peach would be eaten with vanilla ice cream. ONLY THOSE SLICES.

That's a total of eight slices of pie.

I would stuff myself with pie until I was so neaseaus that I never wanted pie again.

FUCK. I WANT PIE.

I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate dieting. I hate it.

my name

is Katie Schwartz. Is it difficult to pronounce?!

I've been called:

lady hortz
katie schwanz
hatie shorts
cratie morts

what mother is going to spend a hundred hours in labor and name their kid, cratie morts...