Friday, July 20, 2007

my cramps are killing me

In this very moment, I can hear one of my neighbors complaining to someone on the phone about how hot he is and how bad his day was. all I want to do is say, when your cunt bleeds at 90 mph and you have hostage vice gripping cramps, you can complain. until then SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU WHINY, WRETCHED, VILE, BLOOD & CRAMP FREE COCK SUCKIN BASTARD. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!

ahhhhhhh... I feel better now that I got that out. I am hemorrhaging like hunted fresh kill. my poor beav and ovaries. they're on fire.

I think the lack of sleep is making me a bit irrational. I wonder.. does lack of sleep affect cramps? my sister is having a horribly painful menses this month, too. we got our periods hours apart this month and every time we're together, our hormones mingle to accelerate the flow and increase the pain. that's never happened to us before. usually our hormones are super good to each other.


I love getting my period. sucks when the cramps are so bad I can't appreciate it my woombly splendor.


Anonymous said...

hey katie

great blog..

i'd love 2 b a part of your community.

do u've any cmunty on orkut....

plz send me a request..

my id is

waitn 4ur reply


Anonymous said...

Katie, you ROCK! That is the best commentary on "the curse" that I have ever seen/heard. I especially enjoyed your reply to your weinie, whiney neighbor. I hope to see more of your unfettered humor on six sentences.

Katie Schwartz said...

thank you, stanlee. ya such a mensch.

Katie Schwartz said...

madam z, you are way too cool. too kind and too sweet. thank you squared.

why didn't you leave your blog URL so that I can stalk your bloggy!!! come on, girl. spill.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

"woombly splendor"-does this blog get any better? hells to the nizz-oh.

quin browne said...

the joys of being spayed.

shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i'm gloating.

Anonymous said...

With hardworking womb like yours, you should seriously consider joining the
Feminazi Cooter League.

We need all the help we can get cranking out Radical Gay Eggs.

Think about it comrade.

Anonymous said...

"...when your cunt bleeds at 90 mph and you have hostage vice gripping cramps, you can complain..."

Too right!
The 10 year old girl whom I triaged last winter in Lao PDR after she presented with both her legs blown off by a carelessly mislaid US manufactured and delivered Vietnam War era heretofore unexploded munition will no doubt commiserate with you if she reaches menarch.

Fuck me from behind with a Toxic Shock Syndrome inducing Rely Tampon jewgirl, upwards of two billion women in the world emulate your experience every month as well.
And is it the fault of the heterogametic sex that an equivalent outrage is not visited upon them each month?
Ask that cunt, Gaia, she meted out the biologies of the sexes.
Fuck me!

Katie Schwartz said...

um, simian stud, have you not been reading your own yarns of late?! you are most definitely the son of john waters and george carlin.

Katie Schwartz said...

quintessential, when did you stop menses? it's really none of my business, but I have to ask because I'm nosey and inaproppriate.

Katie Schwartz said...

rhet, you're insanely intelligent. you also have a vulva lip twitching vocab, cunt. no. I'm not being sarcastic.

I'm so sorry about the broad in lao. like I don't have enough guilt?! KIDDING. I'm not a head in the sand, girl.


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