Thursday, June 14, 2007

the dumb meem, no. really.

my online bff-fahevah and always, wpeaser has meemed me. it's a dumb question meem. love it!

"For this meme, I'm going to ask you to answer three (hopefully not dumb) questions: What is the dumbest question you ever been asked? Why was it it dumb? And, even though it won't help, because answering a dumb question never does, what's the answer? (Or, as I like to think of them: The Big Dumb Question, The Big Dumb Reason, and The Big Dumb Answer.)"

hand to god this is a true story. you can ask my sister kerri if you don't believe me. when I first came out here, my sister and I went apartment hunting. we found a darling little 1 bedroom around the corner from keh. so cute. hardwood floors, washer and dryer, a come-fuck-me balcony. it was fabulous and so affordable.

I checked out and was ready to sign on the dotted line... until pershina said, can I douche you? excuse me, I exclaimed. my legs were closed the entire time and I shower daily. she said, I'm Jewish, too. it's ok. I can do it. I said, no. you can't douche me. I don't need to be douched. douching is unsanitary. if I were to douche, I wouldn't want a participant or an audience. please let me douche you she says. I thought, well, she is a bit older. her daughter is sitting right beside her. maybe this is normal or maybe she was a lesbian and this was her way of stealthily coming onto me. then she says, you can't rent the apartment unless you agree to let me douche you. I said, that's illegal! you can't use my vagina against my will and you can't rip the apartment away from me if I won't give you my vagina.

vagina, it's what's for dinner

a month or so ago, I posted about a friend of mine who noshed on some beav that reminded him of chef boyardee. remember? read it. buried in this chick's vadge, he felt as safe as he did when he was a kid. unfortunately, he told her. BIG MISTAKE. note: no woman wants to be told that her cunt smells like processed, canned food.

last night while pussy hunting, he caught a buxom blond and when he went down on her, he said she tasted like chopped meat and ketchup. another family favorite.

can you say pattern!

you can't bullshit an old bullshitter, capisce?! I kid you not, he put an add on craigslist in the casual encounters section, seeking a savory pussy. and, it worked! can you stand it? I am on the floor from him.


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