Wednesday, July 05, 2006

how much do we love write-p

Write Procrastinator has left a new comment on your post "lisa welchel's journal archives":

I've already contacted your family and they've contacted your Rabbi, we're doing an intervention on you, Katie-lah.

TOO FUNNY!!!

and, as an aside... because of you, wp, I can now claim that I don't need to spell check procrastinator!

the beth moore event... journaled by blair

Lisa Whelchel Weekly Journal
June 30, 2006
Beth Moore Event

so... here are some excerpts, but you must click through and read the whole thing. it is so shameful and so shallow. oh, scratch that, I mean, SO CHRISTIAN!

"Jerry is such an amazing servant! He reminds me so much of my precious husband, Steve."

um. jerry's black. and don't be tellin me that servant of jesus gig is an honor. a servant is a servant is a servant. how would diva blair feel if someone called her cracker with a cheese whiz back.

"I was sooooo intimidated. I was so scared I was going to have to pray out loud in front of them. I mean really, first there is Beth, who can probably drink a cup of coffee with anointing. Then there is Priscilla, who prays with such authority that she could be reading the phone book and people would get saved."

"I mean, I love Beth and all, but I came to meet Jesus and He showed up before we even got to see what Beth was wearing and how she did her hair."

"Beth was amazing. She was wearing a very cute shimmery/leathery white jacket with Capri jeans trimmed in lace with half of her hair pulled back in a large clip."

"I feel like my weight might be distracting to the people I have the privilege of ministering to who only come in the first place to see "Blair." Again, I thought I was not being a good steward of the platform God has given me."

if you're not nauseas, please keep reading:

"I realized I was struggling with the size, significance, and "success" of my ministry. Yes, that is completely unspiritual, self-centered, prideful, and ugly. I often battle feeling like my ministry is not as deep as a real Bible teacher. I feel like I'm a story-teller and an encourager, but that seems so shallow. I want to be on the bestseller list, I want packed-out sanctuaries, I want to see salvations and healings and lives supernaturally changed in an instant. I want to usher in and witness the power of God in manifest glory. I know it isn't about the show or the signs or the sales. It is about being the part of the body God has created me to be. I know that, but I want more. I want God to be proud of me. And I don't want to disappoint my publishers and event teams and women's ministry directors."

my favorite is, "I know it isn't about the show."

somebody shove a big thick cock up this chick's jesus lovin' pussy and make her cum! for the love of god, this woman needs to get pulverized by a real man who will fuck her like a dirty, slutty catholic school girl.

lisa welchel's journal archives

lisa welchel journaled about a dinner she had with another creepy christian chick, beth moore.

so, when the check came, blair picked it up with her 'mom time ministries' credit card. however, blair's card was declined (sad blair).

the best part of the story is their little banter about the interpretation of blair's card being rejected:

beth cleverly jumped in: “I think this is god saying that I’m supposed to treat you to dinner.
I fought back: No, I think this is god saying you are supposed to meet my husband, Steve.

when my credit card is declined, I chalk it up to being fat, poor white trash. but, maybe I'm missing something. maybe big j is trying to send me a message. should I be stealing cards from neighboring check folders? should I suck my waiter's cock?

I think I'm going to sit in the closet like lisa welchel does with my ipod and see if I can't mainline god.

top 10 reasons demdo married tosmell


1. fame. finally!
2. never having to audition again and still fame prevails.
3. she thinks my sleezy, tough guy image is hot.
4. I make love to her. ewwwww.
5. I tattooed her image on my arm = love.
6. she's got a horse face too! our children will nay.
7. like my buddy k-fed, a rich bitch is better than a po bitch.
8. I'll never fly economy again.
9. television network red carpets blow olive garden's red carpets away.
10. I don't have to buy her tits.

cormac brown's flash fiction friday

Right Between The Sound Machine a.k.a. F.F.F. #43

it's a must read. beautifully spun by the talented mr. b...

 

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