Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Often, parading curiously through my weird ass brain is the origin of words: Who decided to call fluffy white squares marshmallows? Molestation, why marry “mole” and “station”, two perfectly independent, doable words and turn them into a big fuckin’ nightmare. Who was the decision maker behind that gem? Nomenclature screams mutton chops. One of the meanings of nomenclature is dictionary, vocabulary or glossary. Loving words, I should have an affinity for this one. I just can’t get behind nomenclature; it sounds and feels like decrepit, beyond repair, vintage furniture. And we all know how much Katie loves vinty everything.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
One of the kids, he was so camp. During his Ordnung, his parents let him trick out his buggie with an iPod, woofers and sub-woofers, I think they're called. He was rockin' out to ACDC tooling around in his bad ass buggie. I liked the way his parents incorporated the outside world into the Amish world. Still. I can't imagine living such an extreme lifestyle or having to make the choice between family and freedom. I could see the torment and suffering in their eyes-- Oh, how they pined for their rents and sibs. Truly heartbreaking.
Is there anything left to say?!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
We had dinner with my dad and Nick, youngest brother, last night, fab. I know it's a shitty picture. I was laughing when I took it. Cut a girl some slack. Is he not a riot?! So 21. I forgot what I was like when I was 21 and quickly remembered after 5-minutes. He's a great kid, brilliant and hilarsquared. The picture I took of my dad sucked ass. I'll get anothah one today, to post on Sunday.
Have a great weekend everyone. I know I am grossly behind on reading your fab bloggys. Sunday, I'm all ovah ya asses.
Friday, June 20, 2008
It is hotter than a tropical climate dwelling gorilla's asshole outside. 93 degrees. I'm shvitsing myself into a God damned frenzy.
Some of the headlines over the past 24 hours are so short bus, I can't believe it: Victoria's Secret Sued Over Thong Incident: A broad tried on what she said was a faulty V-string. She claimed that one of the decorative metalic objects whacked her in the eye. I'm blue that she sustained an eye injury, of course. I just can't get past faulty V-string because it's such a straightforward item. Child Molester Wins Lottery. I can't find the article (argh), just a Yahoo Answers about it. Anyway, what I couldn't believe is that, well, he won. Weird. Or, that he didn't want to give 50% of the money to the victims and to various organizations dedicated to helping victims of molestation. Dick move. Not that he was such a charmer to begin with. One more, Bride Punches sister-in-law during their ceremony. Okay, creeparella, ya can't exercise a modicum of restraint?!
I'm too hot to breathe. Keeping you looped.
Have you heard about MyCemetery.com? The concept is lovely and healing, yes, that's true. It also makes me cock my head to the side and say, "Whaaaa?!" From the homepage: "Over the years, MyCemetery.com has grown to become the world's best-known online burial grounds. Thousands of visitors from all over the world come here every day to read and share the epitaphs, create personal memorials, and leave messages for their loved ones."
"World's best" and "online burial ground", let's just sit with that for a moment, shall we? Do you get a dedicated server as your "burial ground"? Shouldn't it be called virtually hosted burial plot? The site is divided into two sections, Virtual Memorials and Virtual Pet Cemetery. My first stop was the virch-p-sem and at the bottom there is an ad leading to LavaLand, a gaming site. I clicked over to the v-mems and each post has a little RIP tombstone (love a personal touch). At the bottom of the site there's that LavaLand ad again. Wait! I noticed something else, Honors & Awards. Before clicking, I thought My-p-sem gave out awards for the best written death or rated them with stars, 3-star death, 5-star death, and so on and so forth. I was wrong, this is my-p-sem's brag page.
After mocking them into a frenzy, I thought, you know, this is a good idea. Death sucks ass. When you're in a state of grace, perhaps it's comforting to have a virtual plot to visit. Though, I think each v-plot should be tricked out, yo. I would love tombstone options, crematoriums to visit, flowers (or as the Jews do, rocks) to leave on the t-stone. If you're going to go for it, fucking go for it, right? Right. Death it up. Give us dedicated death pages. Ask leading questions. I want to customize and personalize my v-death-spot with fervor. I want music, marches and tchoch. I want funerals, too.
It's SO HOT.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Oh, who the fuck am I kidding?! Guilt is my drug of choice. You know it and I know it. We would be nothing without each other. Peppered with shame, guilt blows heroin away, or so I'd like to assume.
- I woke up.
- I slept 8 hours straight, for me that's huge. Usually, I sleep 3-4 if I'm lucky.
- It was a heat-hot day. I was indoors for the most part, so it wasn't too overwhelming to deal with.
- The morning was busier than usual, lots of calls to make and e-stalks to respond to.
- I got a lot of writing done, very positive.
- Blood was drawn, thanks to my psychiatrist-daddy-of-doom.
- My best friend's dog, my dog's first best friend, died today. Nobody wants to be a member of the Dead Dog's Club. I'm sitting shiva for Jimmy, a sweet, loving, tender dog who had an incredible impact on everyone who met him. I knew the moment he died because I felt LouieJew behind me saying, "Ma, don't worry, I got him." Ten minutes later my BF called and told me the news. Sadly, he'd been dying for the past few months. Let's send lots of love and light, please. Thaaaaaaaaank you.
- I had to run out after I got the news. I pulled out of my parking space. I was parallel parked in front of a Mercedes. I accidentally tapped her car with my car. Bitchybroad gets out of her car and in the most obnoxious I'm-from-Simi-Valley-accent, says, "Ah-mah-gaahd, you like totally um slammed into mah car." I said, "No, I tapped your car, barely." "Um, I felt it, and like that was a MAJOR hit." "I really need to go and it's just a fucking car. It's not the end of the world." "I need to check for damage." "The last time I checked, dead dogs trump shallowness." Before we parted ways, she cursed me out and of course said, "Sorry about your dog." "It's not my dog," I said. I don't know why I needed to clarify that as sternly as I did. Moving along.
- 1) I hope I run into her again or her car (not literally) because I'd like to apologize. Projecting my problems onto her was not fair and it's not something I do, it was wrong. 2) Just because cars aren't important to me doesn't give me the right to assume they shouldn't have value to her. Every person has the right to determine what they value and how dare I project my values onto someone else?! Again, not my style. 3) What I won't apologize for is hitting her car, when in fact, it was a tap. I might just leave a note on her car with all three points-- I'll feel better.
- My step-mother and my father found my blog. I never told them about my bloggy. My step-mother did a Google search for Katie Schwartz for no particular reason and happened upon my blog. I could hear my father in the background, "All the way from oy to vey". My ma doesn't even know I have a blog and my sister recently found out about it. My brothers don't know I have one, either. I haven't kept it a secret, I just haven't dished about it with them, it seemed so insignif. Now, I am swimming in guilt for not having told them. It never came up.
- My mother called this morning and I wasn't able to really listen to what she was telling me because I was multi-tasking myself into a frenzy. You know how you do and I felt so bad. I hate when a p-unit feels like I blew them off.
- I divulged a super secret to my psychiatrist today that I'm noivous about.
- I screamed at the eye glass man this afternoon for refusing to take two-seconds and answer a simple question, "Do you have post-cataract surgery sunglasses?" No, I'm not having cataract surgery, I just need surgical sunglasses to wear during the day to protect my mini-windows to the world. He was standing in front of a customer, waiting while the customer talked and laughed on the phone. He said, "I'm with a customer." "Right, I know that. He's on the phone and this is a quick and easy question." He shh'd me. I haaate being shhh'd. Anyway, I left the store after 10 minutes. Oh, and the customer was still on the phone when I left.
- In summary: I - FEEL - SO - GUILTY and SAD.
- It's almost 10 PM. I don't feel tired. I sure do hope I sleep.
- My dad is coming in tomorrow with my youngest brother, Nick. My step-mother isn't coming, though it would've been quite lovely if she did.
- My sister, Kerri is graduating from P-dine this weekend, her second masters. I'm so proud of the girl.
- More later.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Let's bullet point this bitch, shall we?!
- Long ass week from hell, though filled with beautiful moments.
- Deadlines galore, I'm glad about that.
- Awaiting feedback. Def on edge. I skew neurotic as often as possible.
- Big eye doctor appt on Monday or Tuesday, will know more on Monday. Noivous like nobody's bizola. I digress.
- An old friend who used to call me by my middle name Louie, popped up out of nowhere and it was great to hear from him.
- Missing another friend HARD, realizing that he never really was a friend to begin with, so I'm bluejewin' it for a minee.
- Running errands.
- Just bought two of Adam Deutsch's poetry books and I can't wait for them to arrive.
- Maybe I should stop listening to "Dr. Feelgood" and brush/floss and flee from the house for a minee. Yes, that's what I'll do.
- I've hit many of my favey blogs this AM and some dishy new ones, too, thanks to FranIAm and Politits. More reading ahead, to be sure.
- I'm off like a prom dress.
- More later.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Agadore broke into song. He ripped Papa can you hear me into shreds with a burst of sunlight beaming on his Kojak scalp. It was fuckin' tits.
As we drove away, it dawned on us that we were in The Birdcage and this was Agadore, part-time-faithful-house-boy-sometimes-leather-queen-full-time, I have a dream, to star in my own television show.
Though we can't help Agadore make his dream come true, we sure do hope some fabbylish telly executive passed by the sale Saturday to cast him in the remake of Kojak, Greek style, starring: Omega Agadore Papadiamantopoulos.
Friday, June 06, 2008
Full article here. I can't tell you how deeply saddened I was to see this video and read about this.
A man was hit by a car TWICE and ignored by passing cars and pedestrians. Is it the shock that makes you not want to run to the middle of the street and hold his hand and tell him that he'll be okay, and that help is on the way? What is it? Because I REALLY need to know.
PS: Don't forget to sign the Million for Marriage Petition right here.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
- From Tiffalish of UnScene Chicago: "Show your opposition to this homophobic, bigoted, and mean-spirited bill to amend the Constitution" You need to read it and oppose it. To say it's offensive is a compliment. What year is it? Oh, right, 2008. In case you're worried about what God thinks, believe me, God created homosexuals and heterosexuals equally. It is about time America woman up and man up, and get with the God damned program.
- Astonishing Adventures Magazine is now officially in print and available on Amazon! Run. Read. Now. Mazel Tov, Lewch, Tim and Katherine. Excellent job, yo. This read is pulp heaven.
- When pitching yourself for a job raising someone else's children, you might not want to use an email address that reads: "leather" and "nanny" before @. Just a thought.
- Did you read about the Air force Chief that Resigned? "Gates said his decision was based mainly on the damning conclusions of an internal report on the mistaken shipment to Taiwan of four Air Force electrical fuses for ballistic missile warheads. And he linked the underlying causes of that slip-up to another startling incident: the flight last August of a B-52 bomber that was mistakenly armed with six nuclear-tipped cruise missiles." Um... Oops?!
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Ages and ages and aggggggggggges ago, I posted about the secret life of twist-ties. Remember? You don't? Okay, check it out here. I was OCD'ng hard about TT's at the time (what else is new?!)
I got a comment a few weeks ago regarding that post from RyanD. I saved it, hoping there was an e-addy attached, but there wasn't. However, I did look him up and he's a Twist-tie artist and sculptor and his work is pretty tt-fly. Check it out, yo.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
- ...for every prick that crawled up my ass today, I'd be Trump Daddy Doom with a far more fierce comb-over and all. Or, a super rich prossy. I did get bent over and paid, just not for sex.
- On an up note, I discovered a lovely new blog today called Cherry Ink: "It’s a place where you can share your experiences, imaginings, ponderings, feelings and questions. It’s your shared writing pad. Make yourself at home." Isn't that lovely?!
- Look what I happened upon today What Katie Did.
- Every day, I receive at least one email for another Katie Schwartz at firstname.lastname@example.org from all over the world. They're such personal emails. Katie Schwartz has been invited to baby showers, family reunions, alumni soiree's and my faves are the, "Katie, please take me back. I love you" emails. Awww. I do e-stalk them back though, and tell them it's the wrong Katie.
- More dish later.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
- Best Spam Headline from BFF PaintPusher: Well Hung Christian Single Russian Girls. I feel like it's missing, insert-transsexual "here". Or insert-God-Fearing-Men "here". Thoughts?
- Our Bethy girl has a photo credit! On Hollis Gillespie's site
- From my brother Ben, Mobile Locate. Check it out, you can locate anyone via their cell phone. Creepy enough?!
- Alterna Title Sequal Tive post by Cormac Brown is so fucking funny. Run. Read. Now.
- I broke up with Mac. I'm so sorry, I just couldn't do it. Mac is far too straightforward. I like an operating system that requires over-thinking. Please don't hate me.
- I almost got sent to Russia accidentally when trying to fly back to LA. How does one make that mistake?!
- Three hours into my flight from east to the west, I had an allergy attack and couldn't stop sneezing. The broad to my right kept glaring at me-- snatch. I was so irritated, I finally said, "You glaring at me will NOT make me stop sneezing." She laughed. Cuntola. Gahhhd.
- While in the Hamptons, Mr. Loooongggiiisland schlepped my bag onto the Jitney and said, "Fuck, this is heavy. What the hell ya got in hea, ya kids?" I said, "Just the adopted ones."
- I will be in NYC after the 4th of July. I expect to meet all NYC bloggers (if yas are in town).
- More later. I have a ton of blog reading to catch up on.
- Why is my Internetsso slow today?
- PS: I fucking love this picture.
The Pilcrow lit Fest was an extraordinary experience. The festival was a true celebration of all things writing and community building. There were so many brilliant writers and authors, Ben Tanzer, Gail Konop-Baker, Jill Alexander Essbaum, Steve Himmer, Angela Gant, Elaine Soloway, Elizabeth Crane, Adam Deutsch, the list is endless, here it is. Publishers, publicists, Internet Marketing Gurus, Zines, Timothy Schaffert's Omaha Literary Festival, The Rebuilt Books Auction to support the NOLA Library rebuilding project, which raised $4,000. All hosted and curated by Amy Guth. Please read her detailed post about the entire weekend, it is most inspiring. I'm so proud of her and what she accomplished. Pilcrow's first year was one hell of a success!
Two wonderful documentarians I had the privilege of meeting, run the site UnScene Chicago, Tiffany Tate and Sawyer Lahr, they are so lovely and fabulously talented. (Side note) Tiffany, bubbie, you couldn't make a girl look thinnah, dahlink?!)
Fixx Reading Series - 052208 from TheFemGeek on Vimeo. More dish on the festival on UnScene Chicago.
Bubbsie is the shit. I want to join the B-clan. Meeting him in person and spending time with him, Oldest Daughter and Youngest Daughter was such a treat. His family will take your wig off. They are each so very unique, warm, wicked smart and funny as hell.
I hadn't been on a stage in 2-years, so it was quite amazing to get my legs back, as the saying goes, at The Fixx Reading series, a wonderfully supportive environment. I saw many aspects of old Katie-ism's resurface when I was certain they were MIA for good, the improvising, for example. I saw new things, too. My mind is still in recovery, for lack of a better expression from the Graves'. Instead of ignoring when I'd lose my place, I pointed it out. Previously, I zealously stuck to the material I was reading and breezed past what I missed. I'm curious to see how I change in future readings, to be announced this summer. Plenty of readings to come.
Pilcrow also marked my "Coming out" of semi-reclusion. I couldn't have chosen a more nourishing way to get out.
On Friday, the official day Pilcrow started, I got great news from my endocrinologist. My thyroid is ... NORMAL. Say it again. NORMAL. One more time. NORMAL. I am so happy, I can't stand it. Oh, and, as of this morning, I am down 24.5 pounds. YA-HOOZEY.
Sitting on panels was a fantastic experience, I absolutely loved it, Multi-format writing and dishing with other writers about how many mediums each writer focuses on. The Assey Not Classy panel was too festive for words, really. Professionalism, burning bridges, when to speak up and hold your tonuge-- so fantastic. On Re-Routing Recovery, it was incredible to hear everyone's story and share my own. Learning the impact of the creative process and being sick / healing and how each person dealt with it or literally changed their writing styles was fascinating. I went to every panel I could and learned so much about marketing your book online and offline and came up with some fabbylish ideas, too.
I'm hitting all of your bloggies this weekend to catch up and see what ya's have been up to. I got back into town last night. Here I am. Let's dish.