Thursday, January 22, 2009

A Change is Gonna Come - okay, so it already has

Betty Lavette & Jon Bon Jovi



So beautiful... Took my breath away. I love, love, love Miss B-Lavette, such a goddess.

Monday, January 19, 2009

PERFECTION



I wonder if there will ever be a day in my life when this performance doesn't bring me to tears, it's just so beautiful.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I'm such a schmuck

One last thing, have I mentioned a few blogs I've recently started dating? I am finding great tchoch: Street Spotted and Click for Clutter.

Street Spotted dishes up fashion, but WAIT, she also posts links to what peeps are wearing. Wellllllllllllllll, I hit one of the shoe links and found a new shoe designer that I am plotzing from. These and these are dead 1930s fab. I'm hoping to find a vinty bag on her site.

Click for Clutter, Darryle's site, I adore this dame. We've been Twitterdating for a few months now, I think. Every day, she posts new tchoch. You can vote for her to keep it or post a comment about why she should send it to you and hello, it's free! In this economy, what's bad?! This week, Darryle's got gorgeous silk scarves and a cozy vintage quilt I've got my eye on.

DING DONG THE BITCH IS ALMOST GONE

Well, my pretties, Bushcunt is almost out of office, just 48ish hours to go. I cannot wait. When Obamalicious makes his inaugural speech, I'll be in tears. I'll be kvelling. I'll feel like hope and change are finally here.

I'm not fucktarded, I know we're in for one hell of a ride. Bushcunt ran our country into the ground. Recovery will be at a snail's pace. Still. He'll be gone, long gone. Hopefully in time, he'll be tried for war crimes and crimes against humanity -- a girl can dream, can't she?

Today is Sunday. I have so much to do, I could spit twice and die, or crawl into my bed and hide under the covers, or plow through the list. I think I'll plow through the list for a few hours. Why not?

Generally speaking, I'm having a surreal weekend, not sure why. I just feel out of sorts. I emailed a Rabbi, that was fun. I'm retaining water for reasons I can't explain. It's not like I was suckin' salt cubes all night.

I dished with my friends this AM, Steve, Bethy and FranIAm, again, that was fun.

The frozen yogurt guy last night was uncomfortably starey-chatty in that do-you-have-a-fat-person-Graves'-eye-disease-fetish kind of way, which freaked me out. I finally said, "Let's be done now, okay? You can stop staring and talking and I can walk away. Sound like a plan?" My sister, God love her, so patient, jumped in and said, "Don't mind her. She's jet lagged from a long flight." Anything to excuse creeparella's (my) behavior.

My neighbor keeps sliding her chairs along her ceramic kitchen floor -- I want to scream "LIFT, LIFT, LIFT." It's an unnerving sound, isn't it?

I really need to shower.

I love the new floss I got, it's thick, butch and minty, just how I like it.

I'm thinking of breaking up with coffee for a spell to give green tea a whirl. I can't imagine myself not percolating coffee every day, though. The smell alone brings me unbridled joy.

I'm off like a prom dress to finish my list. First, I'll shower. Ahhhh, yes.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

WHAT DO WE THINK?

For some reason when I saw this book on Sunday, it felt like a sign. Of what, I do not know. Care to venture a guess? Hit me.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Dish and That

Keywords All the Way from Oy to Vey came up on this week: Famous Pussy, Vintage Pussy, Vintagepussy, Vaginas and Big Vaginas. First and foremost, what happened to Cunt? My blog is no longer cunt worthy? Is this a new trend I should worry about? Secondly, and I realize how irrational this is, but my blog is much more than the vagina I dish up. I'm just sayin'.

I'd like another Sunday. I'm not ready for Monday. I'd like two Sunday's a week, wouldn't that be dandyrific? I think so.

I can't stop listening to Flo Rida's song "Low". Great song to walk to.

I schlepped to the cooking store today for cookware and the shtunk was so vile, heavy-duty-nostril-killing-eyes-burning-chemicalsquared-floor wax. You know when a scent is so heavy, it gets lodged in your throat for the day? This was that. Oy vey. Worse, no matter where I was in the store, mop daddy of doom magically appeared, screaming at me for walking over his freshly mopped floors. After a half dozen encounters, I got so frustrated, I screamed, "HEY, if you want to make a sale today, ya might wanna re-think your mopping strategy, like oh, I don't know, mopping BEFORE the store opens or AFTER it closes." I threw my would-be-purchases down and bailed. Fuck that. They can keep their fuckin' pots and pans.

This weekend, I became obsessed with my Twitter friend, DarryleP's new blog Click for Clutter. I can't stop clicking. Here's the dish, you can vote for Darryle to keep an item, or tell her why she should give it to you, or let her know why she should keep it. Miss D has kick ass tchoch and you know what a tchoch queen I am. Her bloggy feeds both my ebay and blog addictions. Fab.

Cormac Brown has spun two yarns that you absolutely must read, I'm not kidding. You know how Cormac does his stories: dark, noiree and vintylicious. Retribution on Page 54 in Crooked Magazine, Eastern Standard Crime and Think Inside the Box.

Don't forget to make reservations for THREE DAMES MAKE A QUEEN.

There's a new letter posted at Dear Thyroid called Thyroidlicious, a must read, it's funny, clever and touching.

Loving....
Jewgirl

Thursday, January 08, 2009

3 DAMES MAKE A QUEEN

Shalom loverdeedo's! I have dish, good dish, not shit dish, kick ass dish. All of you New and Jew Yawkahs are gonna love this.

Last year, thanks to a wonderful event, the Pilcrow Lit Fest and the divine dame Amy Guth, I met Angela Gant, playwright and goddess. I absolutely love this dame soooo much. Ang spoke on many panels at Pilcrow. She and her writing partner, an equally fabulous and talented writer, Bill Bryan, held a staged reading at Pilcrow of their play, "The Body of Eva Peron". Ah-fucking-mazing, took my wig off.

This weekend, in New York City, one of Angela's plays is OPENING. Are you plotzarella? So am I! To find out more about Ms. Gant and her hilarsquared play "Three Dames Make a Queen", scroll down and read the dish. Oh, and, we get discounts! I'm kvellarelling.

Tell me about you, dahlink.
I usually write socio-political absurdest comedies. I'd like to think I can change people while I make them laugh…when I say change I mean take that stick out of their ass and turn it sideways.

What is your play about?
Three Dames Make a Queen is the only four person one-man musical comedy in NYC. As Charles turns 30 his Inner Latina, Inner Jewish Mother, and Inner Naïve Girl manifest for the first time since childhood to "help" him with his crisis. Even the best intentions may not be best for Charles. Trouble ensues and complications arise, including a relationship that forces him to come to terms with himself.

What do you love most about this play?
Think of this as a gay Nunsense or Forever Plaid type of show. Commercial but fun as hell, but it's got poignancy and a heart. This is something you're never going to hear from a writer…I love this production!!! The cast has been a dream, the director, Merri Milwe, is beyond fab, and this is my third collaboration with Meryl Leppard the composer/lyracist, who is brilliant.

Do you have a favorite character?
Since the three women, La Latina, Jewish Mother, and Naïve Girl are all Manifestations of Charles…I'll go with Charles…which is a cheat since it's technically all of them.

What do you think audiences will appreciate the most?
What we all do baby, a good time, and a heart-felt story. You get to tap your toe, laugh a lot, and be touched in all the right places at the right time.

Where is your play debuting? How many nights?
Don't Tell Mama in NYC (46th between 7th and 8th Ave) 8 performances on weekends in January 9-11, 16-18, 23 and 25. You can go to the website, 3 Dames Make a Queen to check out the cast and bios.

How much are tickets? Any special discounts for Vey readers?
If they come on preview weekend…Jan 9-11 tickets are free for your readers (but the two drink minimum applies). Which in my opinion all shows should have a two drink minimum. LOL. Tickets are regularly $12, but drop me a Vey on the reservation line, and you get in for ten (with a two drink minimum) for the rest of the dates.

Who do I call to make reservations? Do I need reservations?
For reservations call Harlem MAC Productions (212) 283-4860. It's always better to have one, then get turned away at the door if we're full. But it you're a dice roller go for it and be risky…but we prefer reservations;-)

Favorite curse word?
Fucktopia- the no place state in which we all live.

The word "cunt" is used quite generously on this blog. Being a feminist, how do you feel about cunt?
I believe cunt, like fuck, cannot be used too much in casual conversation. I have a tendency to use it sparingly in my work…but in life you must own the word cunt to survive in the word…i.e. you can never take my CUNT away from me. It's both figurative and literal.

Angiegots, ya da best. Thanks for stopping by and spilling all the dish about your new play. Everyone, you know what to do. Run like a dawg and make reservations. Tell everyone you know to go and see THREE DAMES MAKE A QUEEN.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

IRKED, PISSED AND PUSHED

Before I rant and vent myself into a God damned frenzy, let me begin by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone! I hope that 09' brings you everything your hearts desire. Quite honestly, I'm pleased that 08' is behind me. I turned the corner I needed to turn towards the end of the year, so that's good.

IRKED: Yesterday and today, I am mood swing Mary and her evil twin cuntarella. It feels thyroidee. The new dose of Synthroid was working beautifully. Now, once again, I'm, well, off. This week looks like I'll be endodating my endodiva for a lovely round of blood tests. Argh.

PISSED: I haven't slept in three nights, I'm tired.

I keep getting emails from this chick who thinks she's e-stalking her gyno. "Am I due for my pap smear?" Okay, point blank, what gyno's email would be similar to Katiegirl@gmail.com?

I've emailed her and said, "Hey There, Happy New Year to you. FYI: I'm not your gyno and this sure seems like an important email, so you might want to call her and ask her if you're due for a pap smear instead of emailing. Just a thought."

She emailed me three more times today and asked the same mother fucking cock sucking question, "Am I due for my pap smear", after ripping me a new asshole for being rude, after accusing me of breaking into her gyno's emails. EXCUSE ME, SNATCHPIE?! I'm not your gyny. I didn't bust into vadgegirl's emails. I thought it was really fuckin' nice on my part to tell you as much.

Her plan is to report me to vadgeola. Can't wait for that response. Sounds like psycho Cindy is off her lithium and needs a psych eval, not a pap smear. I'm just sayin'.

PUSHED: I'm starting a new diet that I'm really excited about. I put the program together after researching myself into a frenzy about my thyroid condition and how to balance my thyroid, hormones, etc. through diet. Because I'm a newbie at this, I'm a little overwhelmed. I am implementing it assssapy. Tuesday, to be exact. I'm looking forward to it. I've learned so much about goitrogenic and cruciferous veggies and how damaging to your thyroid they can be, etc. I'll keep ya's posted.

I have so much to do in the next 30-days, and so many deadlines I have to hit, I'm having mini-full-scales. It's good, though.

I'm retaining an insane amount of water and I'm post menstrual, not sure what that's about.

Today was quite productive. Cleaned, ran a slew of errands, grocery shopped at the Farmer's Market. Whole Foods can suck my ovaries. Their prices were insane and seemed higher than usual. What part of a recession / depression are they unaware the US is in?!

Neighbor snatch has calmed, which is great, though for some reason it feels like the quiet before the storm. Know what I mean?

That's my vent. I feel better. Thanks for letting me bend your eyes off...

 

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