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Showing posts from April 14, 2007

take that beak and shove it up your fuckin ass

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I hate birds. I'm not talking about just any bird, I'm talking about the 24/7, wildly inappropriate chirping nutbag bird. this variety of bird seems indigenous to los angeles. I don't recall this level of chirp action anywhere else in california, the u.s. or the world. the incessant chirp klatch comes in a variety of annoying tones. there's the steady hock , a captivating, long drawn out hand-vac harmony. the initiator has to be a jewish mother. because you can actually hear the guilt being sucked right out of the chirpettes that follow. my favorite is the fighting chirp . a harmonizing, balking, crow-esq sound pulsating from the beaks of a dozen half pint patty’s. they chirp with a vengeful purpose. what I can’t figure out is what they have to be so pissed off about. they spend their days flying around, digging up worms, shitting on people and chirping themselves into a god damned frenzy. fuckin’ relax or piss your big bird fun away by flying into some shiny glass wind