Katie Schwartz

my best friend taught me how to read cock size. it's invaluable. it's not in the hands and feet. that's a myth. it's much deeper then that. and you know, he's always accurate. every cock he's read that I've seen post reading has always been exactly as he predicted.

you know what I just realized, unless you have an incurable disease, people don't unconditionally cheer you on. and that sucks ASS.

my dog is farting up a fucking storm. I mean for the love of god, have a heart, child. he's just a farting machine. oy vey a shmear. my cravings today are out of control. I want oreos, double stuffed. and I want bagels with vegie cream cheese and I want macaroni and white trash cheese. and I want really good french toast with roasted potatoes. instead, I'm eating a protein bar. fuck off, you know. what a busy day. I have so much to do. gotta write, too. I think my neighbor whacked his wife, and now he's engaged again. I mean what is with everyone getting married?!?!?!! I can't get married. I can't do it. It's not for me. no, no, no, no. I'm off like a prom dress.