Sunday, July 20, 2008

Evil Lives, My Friends

This afternoon, while checking traffic on my sitemeter, I saw a ginormous banner that read, Macaroni and Cheese Contest -- Win $5,000 -- Sponsored by Tillamook Cheddar Cheese. "The Grand prize winner will receive $5,000 cash, 25 pounds of Tillamook® cheese, plus other various prizes."


Evil. Evil. Evil. I miss, no, I ache for cheese and pine for pasta. Not the gluten free shit, either. Real, white flour, thick, gorgeous, robust, horrific for you, noodlays.

I have a homemade, heart stopping recipe for macaroni and cheese courtesy of ma Schwartzy. Can you imagine winning 5K and 25 pounds of cheese?! I'd plotz, scream and cry extra sharp cheddar tears of unbridled joy.

Who cares... It's just cheese. Who needs cheese, right? Right. I love being vegan.

Besides, I'm PMS'ng. Even though my cravings are out of control, I'm not.

Keep telling yourself that, Schwartz, maybe it'll sink in.

Okay, I will.

Fine.

Fine.

Question

Hall and Oates Then...



Hall and Oates Now....


What's changed?

PS

Everything is right and well in the world... Vintage Bette Midler just rolled up to the pod. I was panicking for a minute there. Read earlier post.

Get Listen Up


Have you seen the infomercial for Get Listen Up? I thought the idea of a product that turns "Ordinary hearing into Extroidinary hearing" was too camp for words. In the mersh, a hospitable narrator takes you through all kinds of folks using it in church, hunting, watching television, listening to your spawn on the playground, all doable, right? Right. I was sold, too. Until.... my friendly narrator lady said "Listen to what your neighbors are saying about you." Okay, creeparella, how very big brother. Watch the mersh.

Doreen sent me a kick ass, smart ass article this week in the NY Times called, "Skin Deep - Hey, Mom, the Rabbi Approved my Tattoo". Speaking of Diva Doreen, I finished her flawless, brilliant book Queen of the Road (it's tits to the tenth, children) and she's graciously allowed me to interview her. I'll be posting that this week and you will love every word.

Frannylish sent me, in her words an "oy gevalt" article on Jewlicious, "No Wigs in Monsey", a very interesting, quick read about the separation of church and state.

I had the strangest dream last night, it was not a nightmare. Progress. My sister and I were sitting at an all-you-can-eat cheese buffet. Through pursed lips, she kept repeating "I'm moving to Mizuuur" Not Missouri, Mizuur, "Into a four bedroom house with my man. Support my decision." I woke up at 6 AM convinced this happened, so I called her and said, "Why the fuck are you moving to Mizuuur?" Half asleep and disoriented she said, "Are you sleep talking, freakshow?!" We went for coffee and had such a laugh about it... Mizuur.

Who reads or writes Ya Novels? Via my friend Lewch (he's in our blog circle, donchya know), I became friends with Katherine (love her) and she introduced me to Joanne Renaud, an exquisite Ya Novel artist. Her work took my wig off! She's so fucking talented. I'm posting dish about Miss Renaud this week, too. In the meantime, check out her portfolio, you will plotz hard.

The shame... For some queer ass reason the song "Strange Way" by Firefall just made its way onto the pod. The lyrics are sooooo shameful. Okay, Schwartzy, you have a choice, you can whack the pod, delete the song or find out who did it. I think I know who did it. Now, I'm howling.... Kerri!

 

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