Katie Schwartz

you too can take college courses in cleaning toilets and learn the fine art of toilet hygiene from inside out. whether it's a quarterly class or a semester class, isn't that too much time? how much toilet cleaning ground can you possibly cover? I wonder if you can easily adapt it to other cleaning art forms. way to give hungry minds something to aspire to! that's the spirit. what's your kid studying? ass. proctology! ambitious. no. hydro-toyology. my favorite excerpts from the malaysia weighs college bathroom courses article are: is meant to help Malaysia's public lavatories become as hygienic as those in countries such as Britain and Singapore, Deputy Housing and Local Government Minister Robert Lau was quoted as saying by Bernama news agency. "Clean toilets cannot merely be judged by the eyes," Lau was quoted as saying. "This matter also involves the use of cleaning equipment, soap, fragrances and proper tissues." Malaysia's government rec...

I am a serious archie comic book collecting whoreena. I have 2,000, dating all the way back to the beginning. you wouldn't think that about me, wouldjya? it's time we part ways and have closure, so who wants to buy my collection? do people read archies anymore? or have I just outed myself as a total fucking loser?! ps: if I did, go me :)

not that anyone gives a shit what I think, but I do wonder if anna was whacked by the husband for the inheritance. isn't it all just too convenient and coincidental? oh, I do so love a good conspiracy theory, especially if it's dripping in overly dramatic possibilities. still, it's a sad thing this broad peeled. regardless of what you think of her, she had a hard life and now she's dead. or as the krazy kristians ( cp-ism ) say, she's home with her maker. side note... is that where homemaker comes from?

I got that joint downstairs I was hockin' about last week. I'll post pictures. eh, who cahes. I'm glad I'm making the move. jewcifer will be thrilled not having to schlep up the stairs. plus, it's a great place. bigger. no rent increase. no move in costs. no new lease. everything is status-quo. I sent my slumlord thank you cookies. I really did appreciate it. it was a very menschy thing they did. it's also the perfect joint to sublet for six-month adventures back east. who's a happy jew? huh?

you know you have a problem with food when you wantonly open a cake box containing a mere sliver from the previous night. as you glance in lovingly, you greet the cake by saying, hi, sweet thing, how are you ? how's it going ? I missed you . thought a lot about you last night. did you think about me? you penetrate the sliver of cake with your fork. feeling every layer plunging through. first the frosting. the cake. the filling. and more cake... mmmm. yeah. talk to me, baby . you raise the fork to your welcoming mouth and engulf every morsel and finish it off with a final suck, so the frosting-filling-cake ratio is evenly dispersed. I digress... food-is-not-NOT-a-lifestyle. but, apparently addiction is. go figure.