Katie Schwartz

Some people love a paraaaahd. Me, I love a surprise. This is a surprise that will make all McCunt essay cuntestants very happy, I think. I hope. Wait, was that too flat? Let me jhush that sentence up. All McCunt essay cuntestants from October and September are getting a second chance to WIN a dozen Bojamacakes . Are you plotzing? Me, too. Miss Frannylish , September's cuntest winner is living proof of how fabulous Jintrinsique's cupcakes are. Just ask her . Here's the dish: 1) Starting today, Monday, October 20th, you have one more week to vote for each of October's essays. Leave your votes in comments, please. The winner will receive one dozen Bojamacakes. For Katie Schwartz: 3 Cunts and 3 New Words and a Curious Insight Into the Kind of Woman that May Trip John McCain's Trigger , written by Fredrick Schwartz of Hell's Leading Newspaper The Dis Brimstone . If you Listen Closely as you Read This, You can Hear me Reaching Hard to Create Three, I May Have Turn a ...

I come here today my friends not to bury John McCain, but to praise him. To share a tender loving family values snibble of time that I hope transcends politics. You see my friends the presidential campaign trail is long and hard, like a penis, and at one point on that long, hard, soul sucking, maverick busting into party yes man presidential campaign trail, John's loving wife Cindy came up to him, ran her beerlicous fingers through his hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." A moment of tender humanity in the loveless inhuman world that is American presidential politics. "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt" Is what John McCain said by way of reply. I'm not making that up. Three reporters witnessed it. God that's hot. I bet they had steaming sex that night. White-hot nuclear powered cuntaramic sex until that makeup ran down Cindy McCain's face like water through a hydroelectric dam. Which means it...

Today's finds at our local vintage market were a steal! A 1930s lamp that works, for -- wait for it -- $10! I'm plotzing. Love it hard. The vinty Hull vase below, I scored for $5, that I'm selling on e-bay asssapy. Sunday marks the last day to vote for Mister Mister's hilarsquared essay for October's McCunt essay contest. Tomorrow I'm posting a brand spankin' new essay from the one and only DrugMonkey . I have one more space left in October, so if anyone wants to enter, go for it! The winner will receive a dozen Bojamacakes from pastry chef Jintrinsique . We had three more kick ass PoliQ entries from Rhchatlienblog , TellingSecrets and ColorSweetTooth (thank you, beautiful babies). I'll be posting recaps and links to their outstanding answers on Tuesday. Off to catch up on my blog readin'. I've decided to Palinize my Palinabulary.

Cuntless hours of interviews in small town Alaska. Muntains of documents to review. Yes, the vetting process McCunt’s staff undertook for Sarah Palin was thorough. The dubious demagogues of Democrat say it was a choice made in haste after McCunt was told he couldn’t go with Labiaman or Rigid. But McCunt licked his finger and raised it high to see how the wind blew, and that blow job told him to go north to Alaska. Alas the long nights make abstinence hard for a teenage girl. Sadly, it never occurred to her that as the daughter of the freakin’ Governor, this would not be a private matter. But not to worry, the Governor does not believe in the right to privacy. She, like McCunt, believes it is their right to enter your bedroom. If only they brought klieg lights and a camera. “Mommy,” said, Tigger, “I cunt have this baby.” But Governor Mommy told l’il Tigger it was her burden to bear, as they sat on the bear hide sofa. “You must marry Levi, he’s a nice Jewish boy,” said Governor Mommy. Me...

While I have a big fucking potty mouth, using the word cunt does not come easily to me. When it comes to that word, I think - I cunt, I won't! However now how can I not use it? My mind thinks I cunt, but my heart knows otherwise - yes it can. Yes it cunt. Se si puede, cuntilicious style. I got to thinking about all the cunty candidate issues with this whole fucking cunt of an election. Obama and Biden are cunt free. That is sad because a cunt would be great on the Dem ticket. But no. And I mean a good cunt- like a cuntastic one. Bad cunts are everywhere in politics. Cuntileeza Rice comes to mind. Kay Bailey Cuntison is another Republican bad cunt. There is Michele Bachman. No cunt in her name but she is cuntiest of all cuntdom in many ways. This cunt go on. Let me make my cuntpoint so we can all move on to whatever cunt-ventures await us. Personally, I was thinking of booking a trip to see the Valley of the Cunts. Where is that? Oh how about right between Coco's legs? That plac...

One has to wonder what McCain will call his new Vice-President choice Sarah Palin when he inevitably loses his cool with her? Surely it couldn’t be “shithead”, “asshole”, or “fucking jerk” like he has referred to his fellow congressmen. He respects and works with these men every day. They work together to shape our lives and the future of America. There is an unimagined level of camaraderie and respect between these political gentlemen and women. No, this is just the kind of behavior real men show. Real men often call each other names that are the complete opposite of what they think. Real men jokingly refer to their friends as “fags”, “queer”, and “dickface” all the time. This man was a POW - as he takes every opportunity to remind us. Real men make hard decisions every day. For example, McCain realized he was deeply in love with Cindy Lou Hensley and made the difficult choice to end his marriage of fourteen years. It takes a strong man to realize when something is wrong and to make i...

Shalom loverboys and lovergirls... So far TravelingManRick's essay McMunt's Idea of Health Care Reform has logged 5 votes! Today is the last day to vote, so click on over here and vote, vote, vote . Every vote counts, children. Other spillable dish, I percolated a fine Ethiopian blend this morning that I'm happily sipping with non-dairy creamer. Yeah, I like a caramel cup'a Joe. I miss sugar hard . The fake shit'll kill yas. The organic shit makes me neesh. Ohjjjvell. I'm PMS'ng. I have more errands to run today than a crack whore raising cash for a fix. I should clean today, really I should. I can't be bothered. I have too much to do and it's already 9:30. I've been up since the crack'a my ass. I've been reading all kinds of dish on my lefty lovin blogs (check my blog roll), as well as discovering some fine new reads slamming the snatcherella and loving every fucking word . I am off to brush/floss and shower. I love flossing... my tee...

During my silly little drive on the way to lunch today, I tuned into the ever fabulous NPR to listen in on the latest in the land of liberalism hoping to get informed in a Martha Stewarty kind of way. You know, like when you get more information than the human brain can process, but some crazy OCD freak can spit out as easily as Hillzilla breathing fire down Obama's backside. Okay, it seems that McMunt has this little health care plan for America that NO one is talking about, especially those crazy PUMA cunts who are still blathering about "She Won, She Won!" Cry. Me. A. Rivvah. please! Well my dears it seems that the plan is pretty stupid, go figure. Highlights for the uninformed: McMunt would change the "Tax Free" status of health coverage provided by employers and replace it with tax credits up to $2500 for individuals and $5000 for families. What does this mean? Well it means if your employer provides you with insurance you are now going to have to pay taxe...