Wednesday, July 11, 2007

was jesus MIA?


paris on paris. she sure has changed.



I highly doubt jesus is disappointed. in fact, he's probably downing cunteeni's by the dozen. three weeks of non-stop chatter from p-cunt whilst in the clink would drive anyone to drink, even the most humanitarian fellah.

46 comments:

Beth said...

Oh, is it bad form to wear your face on your chest? I wore my Cup-as-Warhol'ed shirt to teach my class yesterday. I can't be a Glamor NO!

Nicole Criona said...

What are you saying? Paris and Martha Stewart shouldn't be overcoming-hardship-inspirations to us all?!?!?!? :)
love ya, katertot.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Katertot?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Katertots! Betcha can't eat just one!

I thought this pictured person was Jewish.
Isn't it Pisher Chilton?
(Pronounced as chutzpah and chanukah.)
Does she not trace her ancestry to the Maccabees? So does jesus I read.

Evil Spock said...

Would you wear an Evil Spock shirt?

Mountjoy said...

I think it is only when Paris gets out wearing jeans that are emboldened with Warholian images of her flange that we are in real troble....

Amy Guth said...

That's funny, I have a t-shirt with my own cunt on it, too.

I'll be off getting very drunk someplace if anyone needs me.

Oy. That girl

Dino aka Katy said...

i am so sick of that woman she needs a reality check I mean prison obviously didn't cut it.

Beth said...

Come to think of it, I have a T-shirt with a pic of Amy Guth's cunt, too.

anandamide said...

that makes jesus the only guy to talk with paris for more than an hour without getting blown.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I too have Amy's cunt on a shirt. And I love it!

Al Sensu said...

I'd wear Amy's T-shirt.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Amy Guth has a tee-shirt with her own cunt on it?
They are detachable now?

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Jesus Christ Almighty, jewgirl, where you been all my life? You and this blog are Jenna-Jameson-With-A-Kasha-Knish-On-The-Side!

All this cunt talk and bad attitude? Man O Manochewitz Wine, but I'm wanting to see some white stuff come out of the schnizzle!

(Speaking of "The Schnizzle" thanks, Monkey Muckers for the links to the poker forums...got some good opinions on big stake NL Omaha--pa' el juego aca.)

My story, jewgirl, is that when Senator Frist put the Unlawful-Internet-Gambling-Enforcement-Act into the Port Appropriations Bill, my attorney told me that as a professional gambler, it might not be a terrible idea to find another country to live. Because I grew up in pre-Gentrified Chelsea in NYC when it was 1/2 Jew and 1/2 Puerto Rican I learned how to speak Spanish without that corny tourist accent by the time I was 7. So...I picked the single Jewiest city in the Western World and this is no joke -- La Ciudad De Panama, Republica De Panama. Had a lovely atheist Shabbos last night, played the big stakes Omaha at the Jewiest Whoriest Druggist casino in the Western World and then...I don't even remember. I woke up with the TV on and Candy Maldonado and Ernesto Jerez calling the Dodger-Giant game. A little Perico to get the blood circulating and...time for more fun and frivolity.

RECUERDATE EL DICHO: UN JUDIO CON UN JUDIO Y DIOS SE RIE DE PUTISIMA MADRE.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

kelso's nuts - Jaysus, where have we been all your life?

KELSO'S NUTS said...

RS:

The short answer is NYC, LA, LONDON, MOSCOW, MADRID, LAS VEGAS, NYC, PANAMA. I went over Rhetorically Starculian and despite my gran having been pure Cable Street, my Anglo's no good --only speak New Yorker, Spanish, and a little Russian. If you're for real about the gambling, I got a decent push on Argentina over Brazil from a Brummie down here I sat next to at the Omaha last night. As for Eurosports, I bet the limited-overs cricket, golf and tennis, but the Brummie has a good football opinion, so I jumped, laying 1/2 goal and -$1.14 in regulation time. You got about 10 minutes until kickoff.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

I have no interest in either gambling or sports. Though I once made 20 dollars betting that Panama was a nation conceived of and built by Wall Street as opposed to a nation forming of itself through the accretion of like minded peoples.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

See how bad my Anglo is? Brief glance at RS tells me UK, ONTARIO, and I guess THAILAND.

The number's about normal for a 2x divorced 45 YO ex-pat, by the way, but I've yet to encounter LA CHUCHA CON DIENTES DE VERAS, PUE'...CUENTO DE HADAS, NADA MAS. Y SI LA FUERA, NO LA TEMERIA, NI MUCHO MENOS. SE HACEN LA "VIAGRA" FOR ESO!

KELSO'S NUTS said...

RS:

How you cash that bet? The other side paid once the colonial masters had been tossed out. "Accretion of like-minded peoples?" Chucha madre! you been around the world enough to know what these places are like. That's what Panama (like 16th century Amsterdam, etc...) City is. 2nd, 3rd and 4th chances for like-minded people. Wall Street? La verga con Wall Street. Rank order of languages in importance here: Spanish, Hebrew, Arabic, Mandarin, English.

If you were American I'd argue but CdP is more like the big cities you know outside the United States of Embarrassment.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

How was I able to 'cash that bet'?
The Internet proved me correct. The other party placed a some of 20 dollars American in my hand. It wasn't very difficult, really.

What makes you think I am not an American? I might be?

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Erm...
Ahh...
Make that 'sum' not 'some'
Damn cunting homophones!

KELSO'S NUTS said...

How do I know you are not an American? Despite getting my huevos handed to me by Brazil, I make statistical inferences for a living. When dealing with "soft" data like language, it's not as precise but the process is similar.

Well...let's start with the pure Anglo slang ("cunting" as a gender-neutral interjection, for example) and spelling, "Jaysus," another). Furthermore, no American could ever have your gift for plays-on-words. Your vocabularly and dirty yet elegant prose NEVER appears in an American's prose or poetry, with the possible exception of Bukowski, Ginsburg or Whitman, let alone on any American's blog. And I'm not gassing you here...I'd take your prose over Wallace or Franzen's any day, any time.

On the negative tip, your reflexive comment about "Wall Street" betrays a misunderstanding of the history of the Americas, and it's business and finance which NO American at your intellectual level would have.

You would have known about the Carter-(Omar Torrijos) Canal Treaty, the subsequent CIA assassination of Omar Torrijos in favor of Noriega, Operation "Just Cause" when Noriega by virtue of sharing a border with Colombia was impeding CIA perico trade, the installation of American puppets like Ford (not Gerald), and, finally, President Clinton's abandonment of the whole enterprise, which led to the present NO TREATY, NO COOPERATION, FULL BANK, CONTRACT AND COMMUNICATIONS PRIVACY, "WAR ON TERROR BE FUCKED" policy of Panama and the election of President Martin Torrijos, son of Omar.

I'd reckon that in the most generous scenario, you are as American as I am English. As in 1/4, from the wrong side of the tracks. You could be a pan-British ex-pat to Canada and Thailand, though.

If I were to "write it" as in "book it". I'd make the prop RHETORICLALY STARCULIAN YANK: (-minus) $15.00 NO/+$13.00 YES, thereby impounding a 93.33% probability that you are NOT a YANK, in the full sense.

Howzat?

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Not bad.
I'm tenth generation New World.
And I am very aware of how Panama was created 'out of Colombia' by the men of Wall Street. The Stock Exchange itself sitting on land that was once owned by my ancestors and was confiscated by representatives of the Revolted Colonies. My ancestors foolishly fought for the losing side. We still seek restitution.
Though born in Israel, I am a Canadian.
As far as the history of the Americas is concerned, my expertise lay in facts and figures from before the conquest.

By the way. When I was young and foolish, and before my Med degree, I used my MBA to engage in Foreign Currency swaps for Morgan Bank in NYC, some twenty five years ago.
It is indeed a young man's game.
And the pay sucked! Home renovations in Toronto, Canada was immensely more profitable.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Oooops, make that twenty years ago.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

I know very little of the history of the new world after the conquest of the Inca. That includes the history of Canada and the USA.
I can however, read Maya glyphs and make a quipu.
I do know that Panama was stolen from Colombia by a few folks on Wall Street backed up by an American Navy frigate. My wife was Colombian and well versed in all things Colombian.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

L'chaim, mi brother, pue' chucha somos los mismos, si o no? (How ALL Colombians end their sentences, right?)

I have an MBA, too (in Finance and Stats), founded a Russian equities fund (Caymans) and a Pan-emerging markets debt and derivative fund (BVI). So, I too did exotic swaps albeit for myself, my investors, and in company with my Uruguyan partner who had STARTED the Morgan options business in the Far East. Not going to mention his name, but I have no doubt you know who he is.

You're not up to date on present equatorial politics but maybe you've been following Colombia. It's too bad Gaviria didn't ultimately employ FARC the way Uribe did the paramilitaries or maybe he'd be president. But maybe Gaviria's ultimate sense of right and wrong was what made him the "better" man. Don't know what's going to happen next. I think Uribe will lose but he's got the BIG party and any opponent is going to have a devil of a time re-stitching Gaviria's coalition and adding on still. Uribe kind of reminds me of some of these Republicans who've been ass-fucked by Bush (shit, the paras killed Uribe's father and he's still in thrall to them!).

You'll ID with this story. You know about the Jewish community in Colombia, right? Ok, so my sister tells me she's got a friend from Baranquilla who's family's in the biz. I didn't believe it so I asked my sister what her friend's name was, expecting her to say something like "Maria Gomez," just some random Costena. My sister replies "Jessica Goldberg," and I KNEW I was hearing the god's-honest. [names changed of course].

jewgirl said...

kelso's nuts, you're a fuckin' riot, yo. I'm not surprised the simian stud scent you my way ;).

in the meantime, look at you and the fabulous rhet all bondy and shit. I wonder if paris can handle the fact that she's not the center of attention. hmm... that might haunt me.

jewgirl said...

ah, crionaberry, always a fabulous wisecrack from one of my favey dames :)

jewgirl said...

pisher chilton, rs, you're too much! HA! imagine if pcunt was part of the tribe?!?!? oh, I would die, die, die.

jewgirl said...

evil spock, as I said, in a mothah fuckin' cock suckin' minute!

jewgirl said...

guthy, you know that melted my heart, right?

jewgirl said...

anandamide: HA! HA! HA!

KELSO'S NUTS said...

jewgirl:

Thanks for the props...after a couple of years blogging, I feel like I'm finally home!

As for Paris Hilton, can't speak for Rhet but the scene down CdP is so rad, that my Shabbat dinner was more interesting than Paris could ever be, and bonding with el tio Rhet over finance and politics is MUCH more interesting.

You got the shit here...keep this blog going and going

jewgirl said...

kelso, ya just brought a tear to my eye and joy to my heart!!! you're a honey.

rhet's the shit. he's so fucking smart about everything and he loves to dish!

you are most definitely home, bubbie!!

KELSO'S NUTS said...

thakee, jewgirl...

RHET, just read your response over RS...didn't mean to shit in the punchbowl. Hell no, we're not fighting. I'd want you WITH ME in bar brawl, not against me. It's just that people get into these weird blog pissing matches over nothing and I wanted to avoid it because I like your BAINA.

No lie about stupid blog shit. I got into something on a right-wing blog run by some young Wall Street Irish and Cugine bridge-and-tunnel sales cunts (using word gender-neutrally; they were dudes). It got heated. I got threatened and had to get a friend who's a big fucking Ukrainian Jew fresh from doing 3 up-state for home invasion to go over with me and make peace, strange as that sounds.

As I said over RS, I got no poetry in me, so I'm useless there.

No dispute by the way about the "establishment" of Panama. You're right. And I never fucking use avatars or emoticons or any crap like that. Not that there's anything wrong with avatars or emoticons....

jewgirl said...

kelsalish,

like you, I have neither the desire, or the time, or the energy to engage in or benefit from a blogwar. they accomplish nothing.

I'm all for spirited debates. but, that's really wear the blog warring buck stops for schwartzy.

I'm sorry you got involved in one'o dem dere b-wars.

oy.oy.oy.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rhetorically Sterculian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Speaking of FARC, my wife and I had a run in with them once. They ain't nice folk.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

EASY ON MY PAISANA, HUECO (did your trouble-and-strife teach THAT word in Colo? Nastiest slang word I've ever heard!)

Give you credit, though...you bluffed me off a big pot here. I check-raised you a monkey and you pushed in ALL your readies...go on, my son!... you stealth 4x2.

I think you may be bluffin me on that artistic stuff over RS, so I'm calling this one. I'm GOING to post serious stuff over there. Or heroic couplets. I was bluffin you.

You may be a Doctor. I'll bet you're a good one, but ain't nothing mild-mannered about you. Not falling for that.

MusicForGod.org said...

Watch Christian music videos and place them on your MySpace or blog.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Whoever the joker here is what put up that musicforgod.org thing, I congratulate you! Good one. It can't be for real, can't it?

I've only been here a day and I already see the irony is velly, velly strong. I swear I didn't put it up. If only I COULD take credit.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

Kelso,
I do not understand half of your words.
I am a shite mediocre doctor with a fantastic bedside manner.
I never liked the big Business world. I am happiest building houses or dispensing primary healthcare to little kids who really need it.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

kelso, i deleted my rant sounding rant. It made sense to me at the time, but it does not now.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Rhet, we're mates now! I had no problem with you wrote. I BELIEVE that you are a happiest building houses or dispensing healthcare to poor kids, but if you're saying things like "daft cunt" and "shite" you obviously know how to speak Anglo. And you know what FARC is. And you know what LIBOR is, so I AM NOT BITING. And you write the fucking lights out. You understood every single word I wrote. And "Peace Out" has a very specific meaning in New Yorker English and it has not so much do to with "peace" or "out". And I KNOW YOU KNOW THAT. I'll go to my grave believing you've been messin with me head.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

I know a lot about FARC. My wife and I had the pleasure of their company for a weekend. Really, some of your vernacular is a tad out of my experience. I am not messing with you. LIBOR and ZIBOR can suck my cock!
Nyuck, nyuck.
Mates? You're a Yankee though! What would my ancestors think?
Nyuck, nyuck.
I've got to go get some beauty rest now.
Nice talking with youse, or 'yins' if you know Picksburg, PA

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Hockey-Vockey and Buenas Noches y tal, RS.

I was lying about not speaking Anglo. I told you my gran's from Cable Street.

OK, I was wrong about your knowing what "Peace Out" means...clue was your referece to "youse." Rhet, people in NYC stopped saying "youse" sometime around the time people in Missouri stopped saying "you'n". Christ, my Dad has the world's thickest Bronx accent and even he doesn't say "youse". I've heard that they still say "yins" in that part of PA, but I only know Philly and Penn National racetrack in Harrisburg.

FARC velly, velly bad. Paramilitaries velly, velly bad. They're going to need a center-leftist President -- financed like Gaviria with Jewish money from Bogota, Medellin, Cali and Baranquilla -- but with the balls like Mandela and DeKlerk combined to sort that shit out. But you really think all the perico gets moved by a bunch of campesinos that can't read?

I'll tell you the straight story some day. The funny thing is that LIBOR's a big part of it!

Been a pleasure.

 

design by suckmylolly.com