This is so fucking brilliant and hilar squared! You must watch it now. Nothing like a little Bush bashing to make a liberal's vulva start twitching gleefully in the am.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
NEW BUSH COINS, Change For The Better
Posted by
Katie Schwartz
at
9:25 AM
9
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Labels: blimptv, NEW BUSH COINS Change For The Better, republicans
Friday, January 18, 2008
Split Knish with Ketchup?
Posted by
Katie Schwartz
at
8:34 AM
13
comments
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Labels: bestiality and homosexuality according to huckabee, huckabee amend constitution to be in God's standards, menses, menstruating
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Seven Things you Don't Know About Me
2. I never masturbate on Wednesdays. I'll fuck on a Wednesday and cum, but I will never touch myself on a Wednesday. On Tuesday's there's a masturbation window (7AM-10AM only). I have no idea why.
3. I am most comfortable writing about my most intimate thoughts and feelings, even though it's really fucking hard. I love the challenge it presents. However, when it comes to discussing my intimate thoughts and feelings with a lover or a friend, sometimes it's too difficult (working on it), so I'll break out third person Katie, to get my point across.
4. I love being alone. My independence means everything to me. I do not believe these things have to be sacrificed in order to be in a successful and happy relationship. There's a huge difference between compromise and sacrifice. The grand misconception is that there isn't.
5. I love, love, love really loud, overly dramatic farts. The shtunk I can live without, but I love the sound.
6. I have wicked, and I mean wicked stage fright. I vomit and panic every time I have to get on a stage and speak in front of people. I force myself to do it and when I'm up there it's great. I go into a completely different place. I don't remember what happened when I was up there, but I have never regretted a single performance or reading. The before part gives me shpilkas like you don't know and I have performed in front of 10,000 people. Is that a riot?
7. I am as shy and withdrawn as I am loud and outspoken. I can be a wallflower and go completely unnoticed or be the center of attention. I am as confrontational as much as I fear confrontation. I'm as aggressive and pushy as much as I willingly stand back, to listen and learn. I am as impetuous and impatient as I am patient and process oriented.
I am tagging anyone who wants to do this. It's kind of an interesting thing to do. I've done it before. Each time I do it, I share a little bit more. I encourage yas all to do it. Please!
Posted by
Katie Schwartz
at
9:27 AM
16
comments
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Labels: cup-of-cofeey, seven things you don't know about me meme
Friday, January 11, 2008
The Many Vaginas of Coco


These lips were made for talking.



My bloggyJewpal, Adylish scent me a fabulous, fuck-off link called Smell Me And. It's the perfect spokesvadge gig for the Cocster. In Vulva's own words: "Vulva original is not a perfume. It's a beguiling vaginal scent which is purely a substance for your smelling pleasure."
When Coco's cooch runs out of steam from being split to death, thank God she has Vulva to turn to. Such a shondj she isn't working for them.
Posted by
Katie Schwartz
at
7:39 PM
13
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Labels: coco's camel toe, coco's vagina, nicole austin's camel toe, nicole austin's vagina, the many faces of coco's vagina
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Lewchie's Meme of Regrets
5 Things I Regret
- I regret my inability to cope with death and how final it is.
- I regret that I didn't speak up at certain times, instead allowing my fear of the consequences to dictate my actions.
- I regret that a high percentage of my decisions are rooted in guilt.
- I regret that I didn't go all the way with this burly, bearded guy I met in Lake Tahoe when I was a freshman in college.
- I regret that my dog died more than you will ever know.
5 Things I don't Regret
- That I had 10 uninterupted, beautiful, perfect years with The Kid and that he had such a profound impact on my life. That I was there when he took his first breath and there when he took his last.
- That I have driven across country over a dozen times. That I have lived in a half dozen states. That I have lived abroad.
- That I am my mother's daughter and my sister's sister.
- That I tell the people I love, that I love them, every single time I speak to them, even if it's 50 times a day.
- That my closest and bestest friends love me and let me love them back.
I am tagging the below people because I really want to know what, if any regrets they have, what those regrets are and what they don't regret and why. As Lewch said, be honest!
D-Cup
Diane & Schwartz from the Daily Pitchfork
Honey Smack
MonekyMucker
Creepy
Teeny
Salty Meat
Cpunch
Coffeylish
Distributorcap NY
VirgoTex
Bubs
PlainsFeminist
Into the Sunrise (Docalish won't do it, but I sure wish she would)
Posted by
Katie Schwartz
at
6:21 PM
26
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Labels: 5 things you regret and 5 things you don't regret., astonishing adventures magazine, editor jdc, john donald carluci meem
My Fake Baby
"The following three videos describe the very real phenomenon of women and couples buying fake babies called 'Re-Borns.' These 'Re-Born' dolls are oftentimes taken as emotional and physical substitutes for actual infants. This trend has been documented in Britain as well as the U.S. This is their story. Living Dolls : Explore the extraordinary lives of women who buy hand-crafted life-like dolls called 'Re-Borns'. Treated as real infants and costing hundreds of dollars these 'human' babies cry, squirm and are the objects of intense affection by their 'mothers'. Loved like real babies, they're taken for walks, bathed and even have their diapers changed."
glumbert - My Fake Baby
The fuck is wrong wit people, huh?! You have to watch the entire video. If you love me, if I mean anything to you at all, you will. However, for those with a weak stomach, please visit this off the hook creepy ass website called... Re-Borns.
This is such a Bubs post, isn't it?! Bubs, you should cross post.
Posted by
Katie Schwartz
at
6:19 PM
12
comments
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Labels: my fake baby, re-borns, reborns
Monday, January 07, 2008
Coco's Vagina Declared State of Emergency

Posted by
Katie Schwartz
at
4:00 PM
11
comments
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Labels: coco's vagina, coco's vagina declared a state of emergency, satire, topical humor
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Pilcrow Literary Festival Chicago
Posted by
Katie Schwartz
at
4:07 PM
7
comments
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Labels: amy guth, amy guth the fixx reading series, Jami Attenberg, katie schwartz, Literary Festival, Pilcrow Literary Festival Chicago
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Drive by Shooting at Schwartzys
Where was Bubbsie today?! Evidently, I'm a bullettard, so today when I heard six loud booms, I was surprised. I said to myself, "No, those weren't bullets. No way. It's 3:04 in the afternoon." Pause. Check body for holes. "Were those bullets? Should I call the police? What would I say to 911, I think I heard bullets, but I'm too much of a fucktard to know for sure and I'd hate to put you out."
Not two minutes later, three motorcops rolled on through and were aksin' all kinds a Q's. Within 10 minutes, the street was blocked off and the streets were swarming with detectives, CSIs, uniforms, the whole she-bang.
Here's the scoop.... Two guys in a mercedes wearing ski masks drove by and shot two machine guns into the air. They were aiming for the building next to mine and the building across the street.
Okay, whatever happened to drive-by etiquette? Don't these things happen before dawn or late at night? The schmuck who planned this attack surpasses fucktard. News... One of them took his ski mask off and threw it out the window, leaving it for evidence. DUH. Here's a thought, how about attending a drive-by shooting school. Obviously gang bangers aren't planning things the way the should be. Focus, people! If you're going to do a drive-by shooting don't spray your business all over my building. What message does that send, huh? Exactly!
Posted by
Katie Schwartz
at
5:09 PM
13
comments
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Labels: drive by shooting
New Year's Nosh
Posted by
Katie Schwartz
at
3:00 PM
8
comments
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Labels: DCup, fran I am, fredrick schwartz, Hell's Daily News, New Year's Eve