Katie Schwartz

Nice ad, huh? Circa 19-we-call-fat-laaaydies-chubbies . Of course we've "evolved" past this. Presently, we just quickly look away from said chubbette for fear of catching fat , which makes perfect sense, it was in the NY Times . If you've been following my tweets , you know that I am completely OCD about my kitchen window neighbor's shower habits. They shower 4-5 times a day. I keep wondering; if there are only two of them, what could they possibly be doing that requires such excessive showering. Are they rolling in mud? Peeing on themselves? Working out 24/7? Smoking meat? Then I wonder, wait, maybe people have increased their daily showering, maybe that's the norm, maybe it's the thing to do , and I'm just a skanky dirty whore for showering once a day. I'm in a weird mood. I have insomnia. Oh, before I forget, thank you sooo much for the birthday wishes. My birthday was February 7th. Like the latetard that I am, I didn't get around to postin...

The non-sequitur post from hell. If I was paying for an opinion, I'd fill out a survey or log into a Dr. Phil forum, or ask a friend. When I check-out at a store, all I want to be asked is, cash, credit or check? "Should you really be buying pretzels", wholey Foods clerkcunt asks. Between us, Glutino Pretzels are gluten/vegan free noshies ta'die for, and one of the greatest organic, diet worthy, health conscious foods created. Not to be eaten every day, but if you want to feel like you're having a real snack on a Saturday afternoon or whenever, they're delish. Back to clerkcunt. "How is the food I buy any of your business?" I asked. "I see you in here a lot and you always buy fresh veggies and fruit. I assumed you were on a diet. Why sabotage yourself?" I walked right over to a manager and said, "Your clerk is stalking me." After explaining what happened, he apologized. We walked back over to clerkcunt. The manager said "Ap...

I never post e-forwards. I had to post this, though. It was too hilar not to pass along...

Is it ironic that the picture of modern feminism from 1900-1940 has a homemaker ee background, or is it just me? Thoughts? Did you know that if you accidentally plug in blogPsot, you land on a bible page? Try it, any blogspot blog and misspell spot . All readers from Texas, I'm thinking abouchyas. Hang in, tootsies. Be safe and be careful. Some keywords I came up on this week are so fucking funny. kind of vagina : How does one have a kind of vagina? By missing a lip? Specifically what constitutes a kind of V? Aren't you curious? I am. And why my blog comes up on this searchy search. lisa whelchel nude : Is this a peen rising image for men and a vulva lip twitching event for women? Spill. love making words : Yeah, okay. I'm that dame you never want to say "I want to make love to you" to. Just an FYI. Not that their lining up to shtup Schwartz at the minee. Let's talk about love making words, what are they? They aren't "Fuck me" "Bend me"...

My faith did the drama diva swan dive off the Golden Gate Bridge when I almost peeled out from Graves' disease . Over the past year, I've been working on faith restoration in every area of my life. Let me tell ya, it ain't easy. I have good days and bad days. Days when I am so in the flow of faith-- if we bonded any harder, I'd spontaneously combust from being overly faithed . Other days, I want to fuck faith in the ass with a giant cock the size of the Chrysler building sans lube. My faith is moody, tempestuous and unreliable. I know it's there, it's just a matter of rekindling it. Pre-Graves' I was a very idealistic broad. And now my idealism is fractured. When it surfaces, it's a beauuutiful thing. Today for example, I have been reading Wade Agnew's poetry books A Desultry Way and Solace for a Starving, Naked, Alone In The Dark Soul (does that scream KATIE or does that scream Katie?! Please...) The boy has serious poetry chops. I'm falling ...