Saturday, May 26, 2007

astonishing adventures magazine

shalomers laaahvahs....

any pulp writers amongst us???? did you know that lewchers has started a fan-fuck-off-tastic pulp magazine called astonishing adventures?!?!?! pulp writers run like a dawg and submit. this magazine will be, well, ASTONISHING!

the line up of writers so far is enough to make your vulva lips twitch and your cock hard as a rock.

lewch is deliriously intelligent and a wildly talented writer and editor-in-chief. if you're not a pulp writer, support his magazine. read it and tell everyone you know about it.

ps: be friends with astonishing on myspace.

ppss: don't call him chief. he haaaaaaaaates that. so, call him chief. kidding, lewch, kidding.

jessica simpson's pearls

photo credit: courtesy of our beloved lewchers. (thank you, dahlink. this made my day).

that jessica simpson is so thoughtful. she's dispensing more introspective advice to those in need.

"Hey everyone. I hope you are all doing well! I am getting ready to start MAJOR MOVIE STAR and I am so excited! I just got back from spending some time in Europe, and while I was there I visited many museums, and have been reading about different artists. I have also been writing a lot in my journal recently.

I was reading a book about Michelangelo and there were 2 quotes that caught my attention "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." Michelangelo" Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing."

These quotes inspired me to write the below passage. I hope you can find your own individual meaning in it, as I keep coming back to it and find new strength.

"Sometimes we are all so afraid to be honest with ourselves because we know that honesty will lead us somewhere off the path of the life we've mapped out in our minds. Today, I challenge us to ask ourselves this...What if we allow our fear to provoke us into action? Can facing our fear be what walks us to somewhere better?I do not have your answers, but in the quest to find my own, I've discovered somewhere worth traveling to...In my life, I ignore my fears too often, but then I'm left with nothing to challenge the best of me. I just remain cowering from my true identity. There is no discovery."

fyi: I'm about to realllllly get my cunt on right now.

dear jessica,

in order to have discovery, you need to have a brain. this isn't something you have to worry about in this lifetime.


hey kids, guess what!

I'm menstruating. isn't that fabulous! menses commenced 48 hours ago. it's shock and awe betwixt my gentle thighs. I'm over the moon. I love menstruating. I could live without the cramps, but... whatrya gonna do?!

did ya's read about the bomb threat at fallie's funeral? in the true spirit of censorship, a liberty-u student was going to take out all of the protesters with a gasoline - detergent bomb. what a clever boy. he was going to give burning flesh that fresh spring scent with tide. I was hoping someone would lynch falwell's corpse and adorn him in a mint green taffeta gown with some paris hilton pink lipstick and a pair of last season jimmy choo's.

I had a lovely white trash read, too, this week, short on truckers, haulers seek couples. the first sentence was just flawless: HELENA, Mont. -- Jim and Eva Sisler. that was all I needed to read to know the score. for you non-american readers, steak-seafood-sizzler, the all you can eat for 8 dollar trailereena buffet is an institution. I've never fucked in a truck cab. I think I'm going to have to give that a whirl. I did fuck an alaskan seafisherman once in his boat...


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