Katie Schwartz

a month or so ago, I posted about a friend of mine who noshed on some beav that reminded him of chef boyardee. remember? read it . buried in this chick's vadge, he felt as safe as he did when he was a kid. unfortunately, he told her. BIG MISTAKE. note: no woman wants to be told that her cunt smells like processed, canned food. last night while pussy hunting, he caught a buxom blond and when he went down on her, he said she tasted like chopped meat and ketchup. another family favorite. can you say pattern! you can't bullshit an old bullshitter, capisce?! I kid you not, he put an add on craigslist in the casual encounters section, seeking a savory pussy. and, it worked! can you stand it? I am on the floor from him.

I know you're probably shocked to find out that I have shortcomings. well, wait. see I'm not so sure this particular issue is a shortcoming. though recent events have led me to believe that it very well might be. I've flossed three times today and still , I am no clearer. go figure. I always leave my keys in the car. not in the ignition, dumb ass. in the glove compartment or on the floor under my seat and I never lock it. I learned this from my father. his car has never been boosted. personally, I think it's smart. I never have to look for my keys. I always know where they are. if someone wants in, there's no need to break a window. simply open the door and knock yaself out. what pisses me off is when some schmuck does decide to bust in and doesn't have the god damned courtesy to shut the door. that's just rude. here I went to all this trouble to leave the car open and you don't have the decency to shut it? that's just dicky. I'm almost positive ...