my mom is in the middle of a move.
my friend crionaberry was telling me about a deep tissue massage she had this evening.
so, when my mom called to discuss how sore she was, I said, ma, you should go get yaself fondled.
I'm tired ---ok--- it's been a long fucking week. it was a slip o' the tongue. not a fantasy, creepies.
my mom said, what the hell are you talking about?
I said, ma, you know what I mean. a massage. go get a massage.
she asked, and the fondling?
I said, well that's really none of my business, now is it?
we both howled.
I know. shut the fuck up, katie.
all lips are sealed.
good night, gracie.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 9:14 PM
joan crawford on love, love is like a fire, but you never know if it's going to warm your heart or burn down your house.
as far as I'm concerned, she invented the word cunt. love ha.
arthur miller on writing, to excel, to win out over anonymity and meaninglessness, to love and be loved, and above all, perhaps, to count.
donchya love the howard cosell play-by-play?!
stanley tucci, to life and its many deaths.
love him. you ever seen the imposters? he wrote it. directed it and starred in it. putz. rent it.
charles bukowski, what matters most is how well you walk through the fire.
I love that man.
edna st. vincent millay, it well may be that in a difficult hour, I might be driven to sell your love for peace, Or trade the memory of this night for food. It well may be. I do not think I would.
exquisite. just perfect. what a dame, huh?!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 7:52 PM
get tested. be smart. wear a condom. swallow familiar cum aids.org.
my beloved queenies, please pay attention and stop with the bug chasing
who is getting this meshugena disease? don't be a schmuck. review. world. usa.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 7:33 PM
the premiere first edition of girlistic magazine is live! head on over. download. print and distribute. girlistic is a feminist feast!
art. intellectually stimulating features, reviews and interviews. chach. sex advice.
and... girlistic is graciously publishing an ongoing essay series I'm writing called, my vagina and me. check out the first installation, my vagina and me, seeing eye to v.
run. read. loving.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 4:07 PM
I don't know about you, but it seems to me that when major news outlets such as the, New York Daily News, ABC News, Fox News (hate their fucking republican guts), MSNBC, Chicago Sun Times and the New York Post, are all tracking and headlining britney spears vagina, there's a serious problem.
if you google, britney spears vagina, you get over 1,300,000 search results. if you google, britney spears nether region, you get around 11,000 search results.
if you log onto technorati as I just did, you'll see that britney spears is a #1 search; leaving world aids awareness day so far in the dust, it's not even an afterthought.
people are really going for it, aren't they?
psychologists are literally allocating time to think about and speculate about why britney is on a vadge exposing tear. some say it's because she was married to a man who never loved her. yeah. ok. well. she may be the thickest tampon in the box, but I'd like to think she knew that going into it. others say it's a way of showing men she's available. what? like a mating call.
why are brit's lips the toast of such reputable newspapers? and, why are shrink's feasting on her Y to toss in their two cents?
we all need a distraction. hello. when I get so stressed I can't breathe, I devour online gossip like a soccer player stranded in the andes. but, I go to dirty little secret sites dedicated to all things famous, dumb, inane and hardly newsworthy.
does it really matter why britney is exposing her taco? she's a republican. maybe she's trying to get her pussy nominated as a candidate in the next presidential election. since bush has been in office, the enlightened voting american population is pretty hip to what a stupid twat looks like. or maybe she's trying to get a pussy showcase going on Fox with anne cunt coulter.
regardless of her motivation, she's single. young. brags about being southern white trash. and, she's got way too much money and far too much time on her hands. if she wants to follow in the footsteps of her mentors, paris hilton and lindsay lohan, she should knock herself out. flash away, girlie. spread those lips and legs like a gymnast. but, I ask you this, is it really a mainstream newsworthy topic?
in case you haven't seen the pop queen's pussy, knock yourself out: britney's pussy.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 4:03 PM