Katie Schwartz

My sister and I schlepped to the Beverly Hills AT&T / Cingular store today to get her an iphone. We've banned the other locations closest to us because of their dead dog jokes. Ker is "i" obsessed these days. It started with an ipod 3 months ago. A month ago, she broke up with PC and bought a Macbook. She's now a no-joke igirl. Anywho, as we were heading into the store, we noticed a stream of people leaving the Episcopalian church across the way and can I just tell you that I had no idea what great racks Episcopalian birds have. It's unbelievable or it's just Beverly Hills. These blond broads hiked up their hooters, their skirts and broke out their deepest v-necks for Jesus. I nevah saw such a thing. When my people go to shul, we don't usually inject silicon into our lips and slut-up for God. I guess episkys do, which, if you think about it, is kind of a refreshing change from the prairie muffin crew. I need to stop blogging now and write. Must focu...

I cracked a mother fuckin' cock suckin' tooth-with-filling last night. fuck.fuck.motherfuck. FYI: It's very uncomfortable. I woke up again at 4AM with class-5 cramps and a tsunami bursting through the clam dam. I got the lovliest, sweetest holiday cards from monkeyboy and bethylish . Isn't that so menschy. Thank you guys. I also got a postcard from Teeny . She's in Egypt. She said, "Eh, you've seen one tomb, you've seen em' all." Funny, no?! Back to the cunt fit. I am so mad ! Six weeks prior to The Kid peeling, I found out that my next door neighbor's dog peeled. My heart broke for her. She chose to get another dog, so I got her some dog chach. It was such a difficult time for her and I wanted to be supportive of her choice. Welllllll, do you know that since my dog peeled, I've run into this cunt a half dozen times and each time, she hasn't said word one to me. I am fuckin' furious about this. She won't even look me in...