nicole: we stopped at the car wash
nicole: and i forced him to play a game of Mrs. Pac Man
nicole: remember that game?
katie: dude, yeah
nicole: after the first two levels, they have the little scene where pac man and mrs. pac man first meet
nicole: and i say, bitterly, "little does she know how much he will FUCK HER OVER later!"
nicole: SO BITTER
katie: that's so funny
nicole: he looked at me like I was a nut case
katie: that’s a keen observation. It’s good you’re cursing mrs. pacman out
katie: because shes being a naive cow
nicole: pac man is an ASS in disguise
nicole: hee hee hee
nicole: pac man sucks
katie: totally. he’s a prick
katie: a big yellow testicle
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
nicole: we stopped at the car wash
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 8:58 PM
well, katie, life sucks big-fat-jew-dairy-nobody-fucking-calls-me-back-everybody-dismisses-me-I-HATE-people, ass.
gee, schwartz, why not be a little more victimee. come on, I know you can muster that pussyfied feeling and magnify it times 10.
it's god damned everything.
I swear to god, I am the epitome of frustration and angst.
in the meantime, how do you like the dame who was struck by lightening while praying on her linoleum floor? as soon as she said, amen, lightening struck. I wonder which zealot will be in contact with her. now, will she get disciple status for this? or like a formal god's chosen soldier award?
brangelina had their child, shilock. I mean, shiloh.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 8:36 PM
Friday, May 26, 2006
so, haglette the hellnine is home! this pleases me to no end. of course he's miserable. I can't say that I blame the child. he has 15 staples on his left inner thigh and his leg looks like a giant turkey leg. poor kid. he's horizontal. I'm keeping him as high as a kite and hand feeding him chicken dripping in chicken juice. he's not drinking water.
hey, $4,028 later, at least he's on the mend! when the billing chick said, we won't worry about the 36 cents, I raised my eyebrow like... then why mention it? you call this a financial break?
thank god he's ok. that's all I care about. he's got a follow up appointment in two-weeks and his surgeon goddess assures me that in two months, he'll be back to his old self again! 95% capacity. how fabulous is that.
go louie! go louie!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 10:37 AM
LINCOLN, Neb. (May 26) - A judge's decision to sentence a 5-foot-1 man to probation instead of prison for sexually assaulting a child has angered crime victim advocates who say the punishment sends the wrong message.
well isn't that just fuckin grand?! so, he wouldn't survive in prison? pedophiles have never been released in the general prison population anyway. beleive it or not there is a code of ethics in lockdown. molesting and raping children hardly fit into acceptable crimes amongst the criminal set. 10-years of probation?! that is so fucked up. what's even worse is that the short people brigade is actually speaking out on behalf of this scumbag, shouting, "it's about time we were recognized." yeah, I'd want this to be my fight too! mini dumb ass bitches.
WASHINGTON (May 26) - Staunch allies in a long, unpopular war, President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair acknowledged making painful mistakes in Iraq. Bush said Thursday night he wished he'd never taunted insurgents with tough talk like "bring it on" or that he'd vowed to get Osama bin Laden "dead or alive."
well, I'll be a fat ass jew, president dumb ass finally admits mistakes? who knew hell would freeze over in 2006?
yes, let's berate the dixie chicks for being ashamed of bush and admitting they have no respect for him. smart move... disgusting! why is it acceptable that our men and women are coming home in body bags by the hundreds, limbless and blind over an unjust war that we had no business in, in the first place?! bush's entire presidency has been one massive fuck up! and we have all suffered because of it.
you heard the horse, he admits mistakes. sooner than later, he'll admit the entire war was a giant ego stroke that cost america its most precious lives and, yes, precious iraqi lives in the tens of thousands, too.
disgusting! disgusting and vile squared.
support the troops. do not support this war.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 10:24 AM
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
I was up all night last night. the angst and ahj in anticipation of my meeting with the surgeon today and louie's being under the knife kept me stalking all fuckin night.
I am so tired. my body feels sucked dry, but I can't sleep. too much angst. I'm keeping busy though. can't you tell?!
I'm actually working. this would be a stress reduction break.
I just realized that I'm the only woman in my building with big breasts. I wonder why that is? even chuveena down the hall is short on the rack.
I got louie shaved and bathed in oatmeal yesterday so that he would be super comfortable over the next two-months while he recovers.
I drink entirely too much coffee.
I found a $700 dog bed. the god damned shame! as if. do I look like britney-baby-killer-spears?! I can't afford that.
note to self: don't forget to buy antihistamines for the jewergies.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 2:06 PM
do we know if women get os (ovulating syndrome)?!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 2:05 PM
so... louie jew is on the slab. the guilt. it's unbearable. but, I keep telling myself I'm doing the right thing. thanks to doc, and her invaluable insight, I did a ton of research and found a fantastic surgeon who is an expert in tplo knee surgery. she's fantastic. of course if she whacks my dog she won't be, but I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.
this rant would be a coping mechanism.
just in case you were wondering.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 2:01 PM
Friday, May 19, 2006
after a day at the vet's, we learned that louie jew has destroyed, severed, ripped and completely torn his ligament. must he one up me all the time?! I had my meniscus removed.
guess how much this pleasure is going to cost?
ask me if those god damned orthopods will accept payments?
the answer is a big fat fuck no.
here it comes.
a quote so heinous, I tossed my cookies.
mother of god.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 11:09 PM
New Iranian law to require Jews to wear yellow band
By JPOST.COM STAFF
A new dress-code law reportedly passed in Iran this past week mandates the government to make sure that religious minorities - Christians, Jews and Zoroastrians - will have to adopt distinct colour schemes to make them identifiable in public, the Canadian National Post reported on Friday.
Under the new law, which still awaits final approval from Iran's supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Jews will have to wear a yellow band on their exterior in public, while Christians will be required to don red ones.
Internal Security Minister Avi Dichter responded to the new law Friday night, saying, "Whoever makes Jews anywhere wear the yellow star again, will find themselves in a coffin draped in black."
Furthermore, according to the law, the Iranian government has envisioned that all Iranians wear "standard Islamic garments" designed to remove ethnic and class distinctions.
The purpose for the law was to prevent Muslims from becoming najis "unclean" by accidentally shaking the hands of non-Muslims in public.
Ophir Paz-Pines, minister-without-portfolio responsible for culture, sports, science and technology, who is also a member of the Foreign Affairs and Defense Committee in the Knesset, called on the government's secretary to ensure the issue be immediately addressed during the next Cabinet meeting.
"The State of Israel was created after the Holocaust in order to ensure it would not be repeated. The yellow star is a bright red warning sign that obligates us to muster the entire world in the face of events there [Iran]."
Paz-Pines also called on Prime Minister Ehud Olmert to make the issue his top priority when he visits Washington D.C. next week to meet US President George W. Bush.
Meretz Chairman Yossi Beilin said, "Israel could no longer be satisfied with warnings, and that the moment Jews are forced to wear the yellow band, Israel must act to evacuate all Jews from Iran." He added that, "Israel must stand at the forefront of efforts to separate Iran's crazy and Hitlerite regime from government control."
"The new law resembles the Holocaust," said head of the Simon Wiesenthal Center in Los Angeles, Rabbi Marvin Heir, and warned that, "Iran was nearing Nazi Ideology."
According to Army Radio, Wiesenthal Center officials sent a letter to United Nations Director General Kofi Annan urging him "not to ignore" the new law, and reminded him that, "The world ignored Hitler for many years."
The new law was drafted during the presidency of Muhammad Khatami in 2004, but was blocked. That blockage, however, has been removed under pressure from current President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
According to Ahmadinejad, reported the National Post, the new Islamic uniforms will establish "visual equality" for Iranians as they prepare for the return of the Hidden Imam.
The final shape of the uniforms is yet to be established but there is consensus on a number of points.
The Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations released a statement saying, "We have been seeking to clarify these reports but do not yet have confirmation. There are clear indications that various Iranian government agencies, including the Ministry of Commerce and Ministry of Culture and Islamic Guidance, are working on new uniforms to be introduced in the fall.
"While such legislation would be reminiscent of dark periods in the past, like the Nazi era when Jews and others had to wear identifying badges, it is also consistent with the racist and extremist ideology propagated by President Ahmadinejad.
We are monitoring the situation and seeking to ascertain the facts in order to determine the appropriate response."
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 1:51 PM
Thursday, May 18, 2006
to quote the writers of, tommy boy, "if you stand close enough to me, you can actually hear me getting fatter."
it's this new mother fucking cock sucking mother bitch of a medication I have to take at the minute.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 6:11 PM
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
yes, it's true. I am confessing. judge me if you will.
first, a little back story... I am not a hypochondriac. I fear death. there is a difference, ya know. in my commitment to my fear I leave no fear stone unearthed.
my confession is this, I write epitaphs when I fear losing someone I love.
I have close to 40 epitaphs written. It's become an insidious compulsion, and I can't stop myself. I now think in epitaph terms. I took my sister to the airport this morning. upon dropping her off, I was in tears writing her epitaph. terrified. she was flying to dc. who wouldn't be up in arms. when my father had open heart surgery, I must've written at least 3. when my mother had kidney surgery. oh, I wrote about a dozen. shit, I take my dog to the vet, test results or not, I've got a month worth of epitaph writing material.
and so it goes. this obsession and fear of death.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 7:53 PM
Thursday, May 11, 2006
ATLANTA - A former Georgia state school superintendent accused of embezzling $600,000 and spending it on a facelift and an unsuccessful campaign for governor pleaded guilty Wednesday and will serve eight years in prison.
this broad boosted 600 g's to look like that?!
Drawers = droors
that misspelling merits a hand clapping standing ovation.
Ashlee Simpson is laughing off rumors that she had a nose job — but she's not denying it either.
Recent photos splashed across the Internet and in tabloids suggest the multiplatinum singer has made an alteration to her profile, removing the bump that made her nose distinctive. when asked whether the rumor was true, the 21-year-old singer didn't confirm or deny it, but just giggled more.
"Maybe — who knows!"
maybe, who knows?! someone's got a severe case of the bush's.
has she learned NOTHING from dolly parton?
BOGOTA, Colombia - Colombia's top court voted to legalize abortion in specific cases, easing a complete ban on the procedure in this majority Roman Catholic nation. Under the decision, abortions will be permitted in the cases of rape, incest and if the life of the mother or fetus is in danger. Abortion under all other circumstances will remain illegal, punishable by up to three years in jail for the woman and the doctor performing the procedure.
are you going to have to present a certificate that you were raped or molested in order to qualify for this legal abortion? because 58% of rapes go unreported. on the flipside, that's more lenient than busheen's administration.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 4:12 AM
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
my day jobs suck the ass of an old lady. I have several bosses that I freelance for and one of them is crawling so far up my fucking ass, I should charge him rent!
why do people have to bust your fuckin chops?
isn't it enough that we drag our tired disenchanted asses to work every day?!
oh, I am kvetchy.
but I just did enough laundry to clothe a small country.
craving of the day:: french fries. didn't have them, but I want them.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 8:19 PM
"Hitler and his henchmen knew the exact locations of the kennels in Belgium for their beautiful bouviers. In a move set to break the hearts of the Belgium people, he had the Luftwaffe bomb all the kennels. Very few bouviers in the kennels survived."
no wonder louie has such bad allergies, neurosis and is a master of guilt giving. hi. jew.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 10:09 AM
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
yes, write procrastinator makes a good point with his title! I am avoiding the day job crap that needs to get done tonight, content revisions. so NOT in the mood.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 10:49 PM
jewergies = allergies ... which we all know are super jewey.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 10:47 PM
if I had my druthers, I would've opted out of a food addiction and into a cocaine or oxycontin addiction. they're both fat free highs that don't make you hungry. oh, well, at least I have something to aspire to in my next life.
a girl's gotta see the positives!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 10:45 PM
it's bad enough she almost whacked the first kid. is he damaged goods in her eyes? is the second kid a shot at a clean slate? will the first kid be sold on ebay like chachkeys? will he be autographed? i guess if he comes complete with a rendition of, "mama, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys. let em' be doctors and lawyers and such;" the new owners will be cued in that he's the real deal.
oh, I don't know. it's all so nauseatingly creepy.
moving the story along... I think people should pee on floors for no particular reason.
I think I have a cavity. fuck. fuck. mother fuck.
I need to do laundry. it's out of control. I'm actually ashamed.
my neighbors moved out, but I keep hearing their bathroom sink being turned on and off. I wonder if a ghost or a hobo (nice, huh?) has taken up residence.
I love gingerale. I prefer canada dry. but I'll drink schweppes.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 10:36 PM
FRANKFURT, Germany (May 9) - A man who admitted killing and eating an acquaintance he met on the Internet was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison Tuesday following his retrial in a case that engrossed and appalled Germany.
clearly he missed lampshade design 101. did he bake her in the oven? cause that's like in the womb, education.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 7:07 PM
Diving coach Kirk Krack helps pull David Blaine out of the sphere where he lived underwater for one week. To promote the stunt, Blaine cut off his left ear at a press conference.
if mrs. krack named her son kirk krack, does she have another son named, dick krack and a daughter named, buttah krack?
who would name their child, kirk krack? he couldn't change his name? what, being the brunt of every playground joke made him stronger?! oh, please, build a bridge and get right over that, kirk krack.
Blaine's previous feats included balancing on a 22-inch circular platform atop a 100-foot pole for 35 hours, being buried alive in a see-through coffin for a week and surviving inside a massive block of ice for 61 hours, all of which were performed in New York. In 2003, he fasted for 44 days in a suspended acrylic box over the Thames River in London.
this man has issues. he's a masochist not a magician. who segues from card tricks to being buried alive?
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 5:12 AM
Monday, May 08, 2006
shop by brand or season! these pope gowns are fantastic... very skirt daddy of doom. thing is, the cost. $1,500 and up to look pretty, are you kidding me?! they even have stoles for the child molesting trolls. KIDDING. catholic supply has jew wear too?! odd, no?
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 3:26 PM
now, here's my question... can I spin the stories to my preference too or is the build a bible product limited to accessories only?
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 3:24 PM
Pickler hadn't seen her dad, Clyde "Bo" Pickler, in more than three years. He was just released after serving time in Florida State Prison for stabbing a fellow trailer park resident in 2003 and attempting to run down police who were in pursuit of him.
this reads like a sunday church sermon in the bible belt.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 2:36 PM
Sunday, May 07, 2006
humiliation DAISY DUKE SHORTS mall restaurant:: how fabulous is this phrase! I would love to meet the person who actually plugged that into google. how do you arrive at such a diverse interest?
russian hoochies:: russian hoochies?
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 8:24 PM
Saturday, May 06, 2006
yes. that's what time it is... and what am I doing? blogging. it's such a great distraction. but, it's saturday night. I think I just hit BIG FAT LOSER status. I do have good reason to be home though. I think that's denial...
I am trying to finish this fourth essay. I gotta get it done tomorrow and finish editing the other three. they gotta be ready to go by monday. period. period. period. not menstrual.
eh. who cahes.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 11:36 PM
strap on sherriff:: i've never written about police daddy's strapping cock or any other objects on.
slutty names:: tride and true. it's a staple she's proud of.
female sports writer:: fucking a hockey player HARDLY translates to writing about one.
masturbate:: I think i'm touched
woman chokes on steak:: katie's number one fear in life.
measuring stallion cock:: did I write about that?
St Cuthbert's Catholic High School cleavage:: you know, I think I'm flattered.
kevin martin personal life:: someone had to write about him.
david blaine:: so soon?
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 11:31 PM
it is my wish that stupid people not be allowed to procreate, that it should be illegal. they should be exiled to stupid island for eternity. they are free to interact with each other and they are free to fuck. however, they will be forced to take sterility injections to assure the intelligent folk that precautions have been taken. should any dumb dame become pregnant for some dumb reason, her fetus is immediately aborted.
i'm serious about this. i've given it a lot of thought. what do you say? are you with me?
oh wait, now I feel so guilty! this is such a hitlereena proposition?! shame on me!
thank you, nicoleo for the "+" "=" idea.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 10:25 PM
Friday, May 05, 2006
Thursday, May 04, 2006
no! I'm disgusted. what kind of a mother fuckin moron encases himself in a block of ice, spends a week in a water filled bubble and holds his breathe while trying to escape from 150 pounds of chains strangling his body?! IS HE A FUCKING IDIOT? was he raised by a pack of trailer park, carny freaks? this is a man who is starved for a nipple. SOMEBODY give this man a lactating nipple to suck!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 3:37 PM
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Deneuve to Attend Gay Charity Event AP - Wed May 3, 7:52 AM ET
VIENNA, Austria - French film star Catherine Deneuve will attend a gay charity ball in Vienna later this month, the event's organizers said Wednesday.
why is this news?
Prisoner Watches Daughter on 'Idol' AP - Wed May 3, 8:17 AM ET
LOS ANGELES - Watching his "American Idol" daughter from prison made the time pass faster, Clyde "Bo" Pickler says.
does it get ANYMORE country music?!
Young Harvard Author's Book Deal Canceled AP - Wed May 3, 5:13 AM ET
NEW YORK - A Harvard University sophomore's debut novel has been permanently withdrawn by the book's publisher and her two-book deal canceled after allegations of literary borrowing piled up against her.
how happy is james frey right now?!
Indecency bill on faster track WASHINGTON --
Responding to pressure from fundamentalist organizations, Sen. Bill Frist, R-Tenn., is attempting to jump-start legislation that would impose a tenfold increase on fines for indecent broadcasts, congressional and industry sources said. Frist is running a "hotline" on the version of the bill that won approval in the House last year. Hotlining is a procedure that allows the Senate to pass bills that are not expected to be controversial. Once a bill is hotlined, any senator with an objection to the bill can place a "hold" on it, which prevents the bill from being passed by unanimous consent. Hotlining also indicates that the Senate leadership is anxious to move the legislation. Groups like the American Family Assn., headed by Rev. Donald Wildmon, have been pushing for a vote on the measure. On Tuesday, Wildmon sent an "Action Alert" to members of his organization urging them to pressure senators to take a vote.
this is so shameful! harsher fines for indecent broadcasts. define indecent? this is such a perversion of the constitution. somebody needs to stand up to these christian zealots. at the very least educate them about the power of the remote control
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 8:49 AM
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
you know it's true.
nobody can have a systemic rule code for every aspect of their fucking life. it's TOO MUCH. I'm not being a negative nellie.
dr. phil is creepy.
he has a dark side, and I can't wait until it explodes onto the airwaves.
he fucks chickens. he's into bondage. he bottoms for his wife. he participates in christian circle jerks. it's something. I know it! nobody is that organized and well appointed. it's not possible.
somebody please out dr. phil! I can't take it anymore.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 8:53 PM
MEXICO CITY - Mexican President Vicente Fox will sign into law a measure that decriminalizes the possession of small amounts of marijuana, cocaine, heroin and other drugs for personal use, his spokesman said Tuesday.
"The president is going to sign this law," said Aguilar, who called the legislation "a better tool ... that allows better action and better coordination in the fight against drug dealing."
as my mother said, tourism will flourish. I also wonder... how will a small amount be defined?
33-Year-Old Man Marries 104-Year-Old Woman
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (May 1) - A 33-year-old man in northern Malaysia has married a 104-year-old woman, saying mutual respect and friendship had turned to love, a news report said Tuesday.
this isn't a sexual relationship, right? I can only imagine what 30-year-old cock looks like penetrating 104-year-old pussy. who wouldn't?! it's perfectly creepy!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 3:07 PM
Monday, May 01, 2006
let's get rid of the immigrants. fantastic idea!
who needs gardeners, maids, manicurists, janitors, line cooks, busboys, delivery boys, section 8 housing or inner-city slumlords.
I'm sure the triple slide community would be thrilled to take over those blue collar jobs that were so rightfully ripped from their calloused hands.
I just have two questions, how many generations will the eradication of immigrants include? and, will all property ownership default to the NATIVE americans?
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 7:40 PM