Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Bitch is NOT MIA

Beautiful babies, I am not MIA. I am not in Los Angeles. I will be back in LA on Sunday night. Next week, I have so much dish for you, I cant wait to share all of it. PS: I'm behind on e-stalks and reading. Oy, I know. Do not break up with me, bitches, I will be back early next week.

I hope Memorial Day weekend was fabbylish for everyone.


Sunday, May 25, 2008

Quick Pilcrow Update

  1. Check out the vinty fab pilcrows above. 
  2. NOLA fundraising festival last night was BEAUTIFUL. I'm going to let Diva Guth tell you a bit about it. 
  3. I have so much wonderful dish from the festival. I can't wait to share every word with you, and will do so on Monday.
  4. Bubbsie introduced me to (I hope I don't fuck this up) whiskey?! I got so drunk, first time in two-years and I think I'm hungover. What a riot. I also got to meet Youngest Daughter - adorable, sweet and lovely, and spent more time with Oldest Daughter - campy, too hip for words and adorable. 
  5. I got to meet the famous Irish Ho last night-- I like her so much, she's one hell of a dame, that girl. Instant adoration. Looking forward to dishing with her more. 
  6. Menses commenced yesterday. 
  7. Today, there are a few more Pilcrow Panels, which you must attend if you can. I'm on the Classy Not Assey Panel. 
  8. Tonight is the Chicago Literary Magazines' Fiction Editors Reading
  9. That's the dish for now. 
  10. I miss my bloggy buddies and reading your delish blogs.
  11. I hope yas all are doing great and kickin' ass.
  12. XO
  13. Schwartzy
  14. PS: I'm so tired. Looking forward to passing out on the plane.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Before and After

Though I had Graves' disease and didn't know it, this is what I looked like the day before my eyelids swelled almost three years ago. Since misdiagnoses, multiple medications and going from super hyper/borderline thyrotoxicosis to severely hypothyroid and now here we are today, 14 points away from having a normal thyroid, this is what I look like

My metabolism and all the medications I took caused me to gain a tremendous amount of weight and changed my physical appearance dramatically. Thanks to proper treatment and being so close to a normal thyroid, I've lost 15 1/2 pounds so far. My eyelids have not changed, nor has my vision, not yet anyway, but they will. I haven't given them an option NOT TO. 

About Last Night

Thank you everyone for your incredible e-couragement and support. You are such honies and so very appreciated. I will be e-stalking yas next week to thank you.

Last night, Amy kicked off the festival with the Fabulous Fixx Reading series and it was a blast! I met my faberific, lovely and funny publisher, James @ So New. I met many great writers and Angela Gant, playwright and a true chick with moxie.  Also, super twitters Sawyer and TheFem Geek, co-founders of The UnScene Chicago -- They are as adorable and lovely and talented as can be.

I don't know if yas know this, but it was also the first time I met Amy Guth in person. We instantaneously bonded. As if there would've been another option?! Please...  The child is fan-fucking-tastic. I adored her before.  In person, it's a hundred times bettah.

Oh, and... I met our BELOVED blogger Joe and his oldest daughter. I love Joe Bubbsie and his family. I'm hanging out with him again on Saturday night for the NOLA Fund Raiser. I tried to guilt Oldest Daughter (Not sure if she'd want her name mentioned. Girlie, I remember it) into coming Saturday night, too. She's as fabulous as Joe. What a parent he is. I hope I get to meet Ms. Bubbsie and youngest daughter, too. Joe writes like he talks-- he is so much fun to hang out with. Friends for life :)

I had a great time performing. What yas don't know, that I can now tell you is prior to last night, I had not been on a stage in over 2  years. Remember when I got sick, I became semi-reclusive. I would describe being on stage last night as feeling like my "coming out party". I had so much fun reading one of my essays (Shitvitation) from my book (Emotionally Pantsed). I met TheFemGeek (Twitter) and her co-producer Sawyer. Such delightful, lovely folks. They are the founders of The UnScene Chicago and I spent some time with them to do a little meet-and-greet-interview, which will be posted soon. I also chatted with them and it was SO MUCH FUN. They  are a riot and sooo easy to talk to. 

Tonight is the kick off cocktail party @ 8:30 PM at Matilda's Baby Atlas
Also, Messinger's famous Dollar Store Show at The Hideout

Again, thank you for all of your fabulous emails and comments. Yas are the shit and I adore the bones of you. Next week, I will hit all of your blogs that I missed this week. Oh, and PS, I have I an airport/turbulence yarn for you. OY TO THE FUCKIN VEY.

Do not forget to head over to Eebie's blog and wish that sweet, sweet, sweet boy a very happy birthday! 


Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Oh, Dish

  1. My apologies for being a bad e-stalker and blog hopper. Next week, I will be catching up on all of your juicy words and I can't wait.
  2. My new website is live. KatieSchwartz.com. Love? Hate? Spill.
  3. I know I should be asleep.
  4. Too much to do.
  5. Oy to the vey. Will I get it all done? Hell yeah.
  6. XO
  7. Katie
  8. Chicagoans, you are coming to the Fixxy Reading Series on Thursday night, yes?
  9. PS: I know I'm repetitive. Hello, are you new?!

Oh, Have I got Dish for you!

1) Thursday night, The Fixx Coffee Bar Jami Attenberg and Katie Schwartz (not the other KS's online, this Katie Schwartz will be reading. I'm reading an essay from my book. You must come! I want to see all of your fabulous faces.

2) I went to a corsitorium today for bras to hoist the hooters. Back in New York, they used to have proper corsitoriums for dames with generous racks. Older dames who chose your bras for you. This non-diva was a riot. She was in her 80s, a handsome woman, reminiscent of the days in New York when pickles were purchased in barrels, a very lower east side kinda dame. After throwing me in a room, she told me to take my top off so she could stare at the twins. Five minutes later, in a thick Russian accent, she said, "I be back. You wait." Upon her return with three highly unattractive brazatskies (bras), she placed the bra over each arm, pushed me over, hoisted my girls into the bra, locked that bitch up, straightened me up and proceeded to feel me up. I'm being modest. She pushed the tops of my breasts into the bra, caressed the top, massaged the center of my boobies from front to side and scooped the wire underneath. Four bras later, I said, "Okay, I think I have what I need. I'll take these. "No more bras for you?" She asked curiously, almost as if I'd betrayed her. "No, I think I'm good," I said. "Let me feel one more time," she asked. Why not, I thought. It was hysterical. I haven't been felt up in so long.

3) My Fed Ex man knew I was home today and instead of calling my name or knocking, that rat bastard bailed, fled, with my packages. I was not having it. I got in my car and went after him. I knew what alley he was parked in and I waited for him. Is that stalking?! He showed up. I got out of my car and said, "I know you have my packages." His head dropped in shame, shame, shame. I got the goods, yo.

4) I am leaving for Chicago Thursday for Pilcrow and I'm plotzarella. I will be blogging as much as I can. Are we all coming? Spill. I want names. e-Stalk me or twitter me and we'll exchange cell numbers. Psychos need not apply. Remember, I know Bubbsie! He's my friend.

Have a beautiful night, bubbalahs.

Monday, May 19, 2008

The Official Pilcrow Lit Fest Poster! -UPDATE-


Check out this fabulous interview about Amy Guth, the Pilcrow Lit Fest and her debut novel, Three Fallen Women. Lots of dish and well worth the listen.

The Splotchy Virus

I am so happy to be indirectly and tagged by the great splotchy virus by two bloggers I adore, Frannylish and bubbsie.

Bubbsie's splotch. If you haven't read it, read it. A true creative speckled in law enforcement questions that only he can think of.

Splotchy's yarn: "I had been shuffling around the house for a few hours and already felt tired. The doorbell rang. I opened the front door and saw a figure striding away from the house, quickly and purposefully. I looked down and saw a bulky envelope. I picked it up. The handwriting was smudged and cramped, and I could only make out a few words."

Bubbsie's yarn: "I looked up and down the street but didn’t see any delivery truck, or any car for that matter. No FedEx, no UPS , no creepy-looking porno'd-out conversion van with a half-assed delivery service sign taped to its side. Nothing. It's like delivery man just disappeared. I stepped back inside, re-set the deadbolts and took a closer look at the envelope.

Mentally I ran through the checklist of letter bomb warning signs. The handwriting on the envelope, smudged and cramped as it was, was laid out in a tiny, obsessively neat block lettering. It practically screamed recently-de-institutionalized loner with time on his hands. No ticking or whirring sounds, that’s good. No odd smells, no leaks or stains on the package. Check. Weight seemed evenly distributed, that’s good too. I decided to open it.

Inside I found a plane ticket to Pensacola, a business card for a lawyer in Niceville, five crisp $100 bills and a four page handwritten note. Well. This was different. I poured a cup of coffee, threw some meat to the dogs to stop em barking, and sat down to read."

Schwartzy's yarn: Oh, wait, this coffee is missing something. Unprepared for the contents of a 4 page letter from a stranger, hoping I was hittin' it big from a fifteenth generation relative I didn't fuck over, I deserved a shot of single malt scotch and poured two. I sat back down and chugged my finely percolated brew, topped off with 25-year Laphroig. "Ah, delicious, the perfect chest-burning-blend. I ain't cheap when it comes to booze.

Dear Dad:

Dad?! I don't got no fuckin' kids. She must have me confused with Ian McKenzie two trailers down, or Ian Mosgat in the slip beside Tessa McBumble's.

Ian Hanlin, you are my father.

How the fuck she know my name?! I grabbed the bottle of Laphroig and poked through my sateen curtains to make sure I wasn't bein' stalked or nothin.

My mother was a hooker back in the 70s. You knocked her up one night at the Snooty Fox hotel. She kept it and you a secret from me. I found out about you going by going through her things last week when she died. In a drunken stupor, she inadvertently shot up perfume instead of heroine. Ma was never that bright. That's probably the only thing you and I will ever agree on.

What a wise ass-- Kid's just like me.

Drag your lazy ass on a plane and meet me in Pensacola, all expenses paid. I need to meet you. Please contact my attorney if you have any questions.


Sincerely?! I'm her fuckin' father, she can't say "I love you"?

Frannylish's Splotch will be posted tomorrow!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

AAM Interview Part Three with Tim Gallagher

AAM Interview Part Three with the lovely Tim Gallagher.

While Tim might be afraid of Big Foot, the boy knows his BF history like nobody's business and goes into hilarious detail about it. If you have any additional Q's for the child, leave them in comments and he will be most pleased to answer them. Of course I'm speculating and assuming. I think it's safe to do so. He's super menschy and one hell of a pulp aficionado like his colleagues, John and Katherine, with his own unique twist on the genre and why AAM means so much to him. He's a fascinating fellah to dish with and wicked smart! I think you will love him hard after reading his interview!

Meet Tim Gallagher

KATIE: Why are you afraid of Bigfoot? Spill.

TIM: I suppose my fear of Bigfoot really goes back to my younger days in the early 20th century when I was frightened of gorillas. Not real gorillas, mind you, though sometimes when they glared they could be scary, but actors in bad gorilla costumes. I'm talking about the gorillas you used to see in bad monster movies, serials, and old TV shows. There was just something about them that creeped the ever lovin' bejeebers out of me. If they showed up on TV, I'd race out of the room and watch the show from underneath the kitchen table. My parents thought this fear may have stemmed from an incident at the circus I attended with my cousins. During the show, a guy in a gorilla costume jumped into the stands and tried to terrorize the audience. I guess with me it worked, although I actually have no memory of the incident. Anyhoo, you flash forward to the early 1970s, and suddenly there's a rash of Bigfoot sightings. This may have been prompted by the 1967 Patterson film allegedly showing a female Bigfoot walking into the woods. Next came The Legend of Bogey Creek, featuring a Bigfoot-style monster, and supposedly based on true stories. Then you had a rash of pseudo-documentaries on Bigfoot, all of them featuring dramatic re-enactments of Bigfoot encounters, and usually filmed in the style of a monster movie. Finally, you had The Six Million Dollar Man fight Bigfoot on his show. The very first shot of Bigfoot is a freeze-frame of Andre the Giant in a Bigfoot costume, with a snarl and creepy silver eyes. Freaked me the hell out, until after the commercial break, when it turns out Bigfoot was just an alien robot. That sort of broke the spell Bigfoot had on me, except for the Patterson film. I know there is an ongoing argument over whether or not it's real or a person in a suit, but to this day it creeps me out. To my eyes, it looks too real to be faked. Maybe it's just because I want to believe there's still mystery in the world; I want to believe that there are still mysteries undiscovered by modern science. I want the Loch Ness monster to be real, not some faked photo. I want there to be dinosaurs still living in the most remote corners of Africa. And I want a giant, ape-like biped wandering around the North West woods. I just don't want him wandering around outside my house. Growing up, I devoured every book I could find on Bigfoot, the Yeti, Nessie and the lot. I also lived in a part of Long Island that was still very rural. There were no street lights where I lived, and across the street there was 1,800+ acres of virgin forest. It was very easy to believe there might be a Bigfoot living in those woods, even though I could never figure out how he would've been able to cross the Brooklyn Bridge to get there. And at night, when I had to drag the garbage pails to the end of our very long driveway to the very dark street, it was not hard to imagine that the dark shapes across the street swaying in the wind was a Bigfoot ready to snatch me up. As a kid I could run the 100+ feet from the end of my driveway to my house in less than two seconds. It's real easy to run that fast when Bigfoot is chasing you. And yes, it's true, I still every once in a while have a Bigfoot nightmare, but they're few and far between now. The most common one used to be of me waking up and seeing him standing in my bedroom doorway, silhouetted by the hallway light. But by far, the most memorable (and infamous) nightmare, had to be the one where I found myself, in broad daylight, sitting at the edge of the road having a picnic with two Bigfoots (Bigfeet?). Nothing seemed to be amiss until I realized one of them was wearing a dress. And it wasn't a lady Bigfoot. That one wasn't so much frightening as disturbing, although it scared the hell out of JDC when I told him about it at work. Can't imagine why.

KATIE: What made you want to co-create/create AAM?

TIM: That desire came from the mutual love JDC and I have for the old pulp stories and pulp-style storytelling. I read a lot of Edgar Rice Burroughs and Robert E. Howard, among many others, while growing up, and those stories and my love for them never dimmed. Then JDC and I met while working at a Borders bookstore, and we hit it off immediately because we like so many of the same things: comics, science fiction (I detest the term "sci-fi"), the original Star Trek, Japanese kaiju (giant monster) movies, LA's Chinatown, monkeys, and much, much more (although he doesn't care for my Lucky Charms omelets). JDC moved back to Florida a few years ago, but we stayed in touch and kept discussing the things we loved. About a year-and-a-half ago I discovered Paul Malmont's The Chinatown Death Cloud Peril and read it in one sitting (a rare thing for me), which was about the same time that Nostalgia Press began publishing reprints of The Shadow and Doc Savage pulp magazines. They revitalized my love for the pulp stories, and I soon began collecting as many of the various pulp reprints as I could. But that wasn't enough for me. I wanted to write my own stories. And, amazingly enough, even though I hadn't discussed this with JDC, one day he called me and floated the idea of doing our own pulp magazine on the Internet. He figured that if there was enough people out there to support the numerous pulp reprint magazines, they might also be hungry for new pulp which we would write. I told him I had been thinking the same thing, and before you know it Astonishing Adventures! Magazine was born.

KATIE: What's the origin of your love affair with pulp?

TIM: In a round-about way, it stems from my favorite character - Superman. My earliest memories are sitting in front of the TV and watching George Reeves leap out that storeroom window every afternoon, or watching the Filmation Superman/Superboy cartoon show at lunchtime. From there, it was only a short plunge into the world of comic books, which were only $0.20 when I started collecting, or you could get a 100-page giant for $0.50! I read every comic I could get my hands on, even though my parents did not approve. Then there was a time when I was really sick and had to stay at home for a week. My dad asked me

what I wanted to help pass the time, and of course I said comic books. He just shook his head, but bless him if he didn't come back later with a handful. None of them were super-hero comics, which were what I prefer, and the assortment looked as if he went into a gas station somewhere and grabbed whatever was on the spinner rack (this is LOOOONNNGGG before comic specialty stores, kids). One of the comics he bought was a DC issue of Korak, Son of Tarzan. This blew my mind, because I was only familiar with Tarzan as a movie character and the Ron Ely TV show. And I discovered that the character was based on a series of books written by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Well, I immediately had to find those puppies. The problem was, there were no book stores anywhere near me, so it was catch-as-catch-can at the local stationery store, which carried paperbacks. Luckily for me, however, there was a guy who ran a local antique shop who learned of my love for the Tarzan books. He loaned me his old hardcover editions of the first five books in the series. From there, it was a long struggle to find the rest. Along the way, I discovered Burroughs' John Carter of Mars, Carson of Venus, and then ran into Robert E. Howard (whom I knew from the Conan comic) and started reading everything of his I could get my hands on. Then I found the Denny O'Neil Shadow comics from DC and devoured those. He even went so far as to have The Shadow cross-over with the Batman not once but twice! Then Marvel produced their Doc Savage series, followed by DC's adaptation of The Avenger in Justice, Inc. Plus, DC was publishing Weird Worlds with various Burroughs characters, as well as Fritz Leiber's Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser. I had to track down all the books featuring these characters, a quest that has lasted several decades (sigh) and continues today. As I mentioned earlier, I collect all the pulp reprint magazines currently being published (The Shadow, Doc Savage, the Spider, Secret Agent X, G-8 and His Battle Aces, etc.), and I'm extremely grateful that Dark Horse Comics has released all six of Leiber's Lankhmar (Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser) books.

You can buy the latest edition of
Astonishing Adventures Magazine at Amazon.com and the first edition at Lulu.com. Run. Read. Now.

PS: Tim, when are you starting a blog, child?

AAM Interview Part Two, Katherine Tomlinson

AAM Interview Part Two with Diva Katherine Tomlinson.

Youse are gonna crush so hard on this broad, it's really not funny. She's a
brilliant writer, adores vinty clothing, fierce broads with a voice and pulparific divas, and she's hilarsquared. What's not to love?!

Katherine inspires the hell out of a girl, she goes after what she wants with the drive of a dozen Harvard grads on scholarship-- she's that fearless and fierce. From screenwriter, to television writer, and essayist with a forthcoming title, to her present day role of editor at Astonishing Adventures Magazine.

I was most thrilled when Katherine agreed to this interview because I wondered if pulp was primarily a male genre and about her spin on pulp's impact on feminism. She genially answered all of my questions - what a mensch - and her answers are enlightening as hell.

Meet Katherine Tomlinson Editor of Astonishing Adventures Magazine...

KATIE: Is there a misconception that pulp is more of a "male" genre, if so, why?

KATHERINE: I think there IS a misconception, probably because the pulp writers that get the most press are men. Mickey Spillane had that whole tough guy image going on with the fedora and the trench coat. Cornell Woolrich, author of the most horrifying beautiful line in all of pulp fiction (“First you dream and then you die”) is rightfully reckoned a pulp god. I first read writers like Hugh B. Cave in my brother’s BOY’S LIFE Magazine because SEVENTEEN Magazine wasn’t publishing anything more interesting than makeup tips. But if you go beyond the obvious genres you find in pulp (war stories and hard-boiled detective tales) and start looking at adventure stories and melodramatic love stories, it’s not much of a journey to romance novels and gothic novels and other sub-genres that are considered exclusively “female.” So there’s a continuum in pulp’s appeal across the sexual spectrum.

I also think that the whole concept of sexual stereotyping is soon to be a thing of the past. Gender role expectations are just irrelevant today. When you have access to any kind of entertainment you want, with nobody looking over your shoulder like they would at the library check-out desk, you’re free to explore whatever pulp worlds tickle your fancy. I’d be interested to know what other people think of this question. I really do think the answers might differ depending on generations.

KATIE: What do you love about pulp? What does it represent to you?

KATHERINE: To me, pulp represents pure entertainment. Pulp is without pretense. It revels in its chosen genre. It fulfills expectations. It gives you good value for money. There’s a reason IRON MAN is going to make a gazillion dollars this summer while other movies die at the box office. Pulp will not let you down. There are conventions to the various pulp genres, and certainly there is formula. But there is always, always, always a good story.

KATIE: Do you feel pulp has impacted feminism in any way and if so, how?

KATHERINE: Pulp empowered and continues to empower women. Pulp gave us dragon ladies and femmes fatale, black widows and dames. They were beautiful and dangerous and smart. Sure there was always the adoring little cupcake waiting at home for the detective or the soldier or the starship captain, but they weren’t nearly as interesting as the villainesses who slithered across their paths.

Also, pulp’s first cousin, comic books, offered all those great heroines who could stand toe to toe with the caped wonders and the masked men and kick ass with relish.

KATIE: What do you love most about AAM?

KATHERINE: I love that it exists. It offers me a place to celebrate my love of pulp and my appreciation of dead (and dead sexy) character actors. It’s a place to play with like-minded people and a great venue. I love that there are so many people willing to contribute their work for the love of the genre.

KATIE: Where do you hope to see AAM over the next 5 years?

KATHERINE: I’d like to see ir thriving as a bi-monthly. I’d like to see the print version on sale both online and in Bookstar and Borders throughout the world. I would love to publish some submissions from outside the U.S. I’d like to see more stories from women, which goes back to your original question about women and pulp.

I’d like to see AAM become the same kind of force for pulp that AICN is for all things film geek. I’d like to see it become a prestigious venue for modern pulp-fiction, the way CEMETERY DANCE has become the showcase for modern horror. It should be the magazine that introduces hot new talents to the world. It should be a place where old pros play around with a favorite genre.

One of our writers suggested that we develop an AAM imprint for pulp fiction the way prestigious publishing houses create imprints for their favorite editors in their favorite genres. I love that idea.

KATIE: Has AAM met or exceed your expectations?

KATHERINE: Each issue has been better than the last. That’s exciting. I think we’re hitting our stride after almost a year of publication and that AAM 2.0 is going to be awesome. It would make me really happy if every single person reading this interview sent me a story or an illustration.

You can buy the latest edition of
Astonishing Adventures Magazine at Amazon.com and the first edition at Lulu.com. Run. Read. Now.

Tonight, Tim Gallagher's Interview (Part Three) will be posted!

Thank you, Katherine! PS: Why aren't you blogging?

Saturday, May 17, 2008

The Astonishing Adventures Magazine Interview Part One

Astonishing Adventures Magazine: Pulp Fiction by today’s brightest up and coming writers and established pulp authors. Edited and published by John Carlucci, Katherine Tomlinson and Tim Gallagher.

I have spent the past week dishing with these three about their love of pulp and how Astonishing Adventures (AAM) came to be. These pulparoonies are fucking fabulous. They're smart, passionate, driven like nobody's business and insanely articulate. I had such a blast going back and forth with each writer. I've known John for ages and adore the child. I'm crushing hard on Katherine, we've become instabuds. Tim and I are hitting our stride, too.

Because they've offered up such distinctive points of view and well thought out answers, I wanted each to be featured, so we can savor their words in three parts. Today, we're dishing with John Donald Carlucci. We know him from Wildwoods, his blog and as Editor JDC for AAM. When you start talking to him about pulp, the origin of his fascination and why it's such an important genre to him, you get to know him on a completely different level. He's quite an inspiring fellow. I had a great time with him working on this.

Without delay.... I give you the great John Donald Carlucci on Astonishing Adventures Magazine

KATIE: Why did you start Astonishing Adventures Magazine? What was the inspiration? When did your pulp love affair begin? Spill.

JOHN: I started AAM because no one else was doing anything like it in the web format that we planned.
Warren Ellis challenged his readers to start magazines exploring comics that lacked the snark you often see on the Internet. Tim Gallagher and I can snark with the best of them, but we also have an undying respect for pulp. A little snark slips in sometimes, but I think you just see the love. John Rogers and Bill Cunningham both inspired me with their discussions on the new marketing models involving the Internet and the serialization of movies with this model. They also discussed methods for marketing comic books and magazines free and supporting the product with advertising.

KATIE: When you started AAM, did you have a pulp specific agenda?

JOHN: Yes, pulp was the specific agenda. John Rogers put it best with this description. "Any time the heroes resolve a complex situation by running down a corridor as shit explodes around them and completely over-the-top implacable enemies scream imprecations through rising flames and our guys pause just long enough to say something somehow simultaneously smart and corny and heart-achingly true, then start running again because the clock is ticking and nobody saw this twist coming and they're making it up as they go along -- pulp."I loved (I use the word loved specifically) comics because of the adventure. The world teaches you many things and you take away the lessons and world view you want. Some people see the world as a cynical, soul-crusher who takes your dreams and throws them aside. Some people see the world as a place of injustice where the random dice rolls of God cause some to starve and some to gorge. Some walk around seeing the potential in life and the chances to make things better. Action/Adventure/Fantasy/Sci-fi helped me to keep the latter mindset as I was growing up. I wasn't inspired by my real life role-models as a child and characters like The Shadow, Captain Kirk, James Bond, Tarzan, or Remo Williams filled the void. I always tried to take the best from these stories and learn from them. Granted, these types of stories are products of their times and there is a lot to dislike. However, it's the spine of the story that is important.

KATIE: How many writers and artists do you feature in each edition?
We don't have a set number, but seven to eight seems to be a working number for us.

KATIE: Has AAM matched or surpassed your expectations?

The response has been incredible. I am constantly surprised by the caliber of work submitted and the names who do the submitting. We have had some tremendous talent move in our pages.

KATIE: What is the most exciting /challenging thing about being the editor-in-chief of AAM?

I'm not the EIC anymore; Tim Gallagher is in that position. I'm the publisher now. My challenge now is filling the marketing niche. I have to admit that I am the creative guy. Marketing is not my forte. I'm feeling my way around, but this isn't the easiest part.I also spend time doing the covers to the magazine. I know we're now getting responses from people interested in doing covers for us, but I haven't decided yet what to do. With issue three I think I've hit my stride on what I want for the visual style. This is another difficult part as Tim in the position of EIC means he should be shaping the magazine's flavor now. He does this with the content, but the layouts and cover are still my baby. Tim really is the man when it comes to pulp. However, he isn't when it comes to Bigfoot.

Katherine Tomlinson has been a machine churning out article after article for AAM. She has been Tim's right hand woman when it comes to shaping the content for the magazine.

KATIE: How are you leveraging the web to broaden your readership?

JOHN: FaceBook has been a great tool for networking the magazine. We've tried using the website with original content, but it is difficult with real-life jobs to produce material on a daily basis. Also, we never did get a lot of reaction from the site with the original material. This is probably our fault and we're overdue for a group discussion on where to go with it.
Issu.com is an incredible way to put your magazine on the web where people can read it like a real magazine.

Amazon CreateSpace is fantastic marketplace for your magazine. The resulting POD (Print On Demand) product is simply gorgeous. I did have a four month miserable time trying to get issue two on Amazon as we were being rejected for margins EVERY time I submitted the raw PDFs.There were a lot of angry people who felt, I think, we weren't being completely honest with how things were lagging with the print edition. Truth is that I reformated that 130 odd page magazine almost 25 times over that time. We had help at times and still couldn't solve the problem. I FINALLY got someone at CreateSpace to respond and we all determined that they had been screwing up the margins all along. The
second issue IS live and we all lived happily ever after.I could have easily put the issues back up on Lulu.com, but I felt the creators deserved more. Amazon would open markets that I could use to get more attention for the creators who make AAM. The third issue just came out and should be on Amazon soon.

KATIE: Lewch is my friend and I know he is OCD about monkeys and KLS needs to know why assssapy. Don’t hold back. Come on. Get it off your chest.

JOHN: Men are genetically wired to love monkeys. I can't explain why anymore than I can explain why bacon on ANYTHING makes it better. Just God's little whim.

KATIE: What pulp novel or film influenced you the most?

JOHN: H.P. Lovecraft has always been a main influence for me. It was only recently that a friend pointed out some of the racial overtones of some of his work that has soured it for me. I simply took his stories as a product of the times and enjoyed them for their own sake.Repairman Jack from F. Paul Wilson is one of my joys. He is considered to be the writer that other writers read.

FBI agent Aloysius Pendergast by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child is another favorite of mine.

Titus Crow from Brian Lumley is also great horror pulp that borrows heavily from Lovecraft.Buckaroo Banzai was a tremendous influence in the 80s with me - right down to how I dressed. I also loved "Big Trouble in Little China". There have been a number of Jackie Chan films I consider to be pulp. Indiana Jones was another one of my favoritesI am more of a movie buff than I am of the books themselves. Don't get me wrong, I love them and I have some terrific collections. I am just more of a visual medium person when it comes to adventure.

KATIE: If I wanted to start a magazine, what advice would you give me?

JOHN: Do what you love. You'll have to live with it a very long time and you have to love what you're talking about. Find good people like Tim and Katherine to help you. You can get to the point you have tunnel vision and these people will straighten your ass out.

KATIE: Where can I buy AAM online and in print?

JOHN: AstonishingAdventuresMagzine.com is where you'll find all of the links to fulfill your shopping needs. We've also started a PayPal account to fund Tim's Bigfoot anxiety therapy. Feel free to donate. The big galoot is in such pain over this.


You can buy the latest edition of
Astonishing Adventures Magazine at Amazon.com and the first edition at Lulu.com. Run. Read. Now.

Tomorrow, Katherine Tomlinson's Interview (Part Two) will be posted!

Thank you, Lewchers!

Eh, Who Needs A Title?

  1. My sister was so deeply touched by everyones comments and support. She was plotzarella and wanted me to thank my fabbylish readers, so THANK YOU! Ker's learning to comment. It's a process, donchya know.
  2. Funny yarn. I woke up this morning reminded of when my Aunt Sadie called me on her 65th birthday. Her husband had been dead a year and she had become the PROUD condo slut. You can see why we loved each other, right? The girl could not keep her legs together, not for 5 minutes and I loved her dearly for that and everything in between. She was post-menopausal. We dished every week. That year, every time I called her, she'd say, "Dear, I'm entertaining a gentleman friend" and promptly hung up. Anyhoodle, she said, "I went to the gynecologist the other day because my pookie felt odd. You'll just never guess what he said." Pause. Pause. Pause. "I have venereal warts", she declared. I was so excited, I said to my gyno, at my age to have an STD, it's like a badge of honor! Of course I wasn't using condoms. What the fuck did I care? When he told me I needed to tell the person who gave me the warts, I said, I'll hold the meeting in the rec room." So funny.... I do miss that dame.
  3. Still owe Qunnylish an email.
  4. Running a million errands today.
  5. Pilcrow begins on Thursday! I'm so excited. I'll be posting The Official Fixx Poster on Sunday night. I'm reading an essay from my book Emotionally Pantsed.
  6. Posting the AAM interview in three parts. Later today, this evening and tamahra. It's a long'un, but a damn fine one. These guys are the shit, yo.
  7. Off like a prom dress.
  8. More later.
  9. xo
  10. Schwartzy

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Ooh, Ooh, Ooh

New blog on the street, by Author Gail Konop Baker (Cancer is a Bitch). Click over and welcome this divine diva to our fabbylish community. She's such a brilliant, inspiring writer and so adorable. Read ha and you will love ha.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Jew Wanna Know Why?

My beautiful, wonderful, altruistic sister is a teacher at a progressive private middle school. The kind of school I'd want to send my children to. They promote non-violence, foster creativity, and have implemented an Eco-education program. Fab, right? Right.
Today during lunch, right in front of the Jewess that is my sister, Student-A (who she's been teaching for 3-years), said to Student-B, "You worthless Jew, you should have been killed in Auschwitz."
Heartbroken, enraged and shaking as a result, she managed to handle herself with enviable dignity and grace, under what I regard as horrific circumstances.
She immediately took him to the Principal's office. With great pride and zero remorse, he not only acknowledged what he said, he continued on a tirade of hate that she'd never seen in him before. He also showed them web pages he'd authored, replete with Swastika backgrounds and venom for my people.
Here's the kicker... The kid is half-Jewish.
Take it in.
I know.
Ya need a minute.
Do you believe?!
The kid was expelled immediately.
The FBI and the police were called, that's how serious the situation was and is. His parents are devastated and shocked. I do wonder how they didn't know. Is that odd? He's got to have a full psych evaluation (Thank God).
After all was said and done, my sister took a minute, had one of those deep sobbing moments a girl needs after enduring that kind of hate and walked right back into her classroom to teach her students.
I'm in awe of the girl.
--Shameful, Funny Side Note--
She told one of her colleagues about what happened and he said, "Oh, I'm not really good with history. Is Auschwitz like a famous place?" Always the sardonic diva, regardless of circumstance, in a deadpan voice, she said, "It's a concentration camp." He asked, "Really? What kind?"
OY to the VEY. Capisceka?!
A counselor is coming in, to speak with the kids and the teachers. I'm very glad about that. Tonight, we had a lovely nosh and a good cry. I'm so proud of her.
Everyone's comments were fantastic and wonderful and thank you for your fabulousness. Bubbsie, the law enforcement adonis mentioned a few things I'd not heard of and wanted to be sure to share.
"There's a publication I get regularly, the Southern Poverty Law Center Intelligence Report, and I also get stuff all the time from the ADL. This stuff is always out there, right underneath the surface ready to bubble up at any time. Right now one of the most active white supremacist groups in the Chicago area recruits heavily, and is largely composed of, Polish-born teens on the northwest side. How sick is that--kids from a country invaded by nazis adopting nazi imagery?"
"As for the kid himself--tell your sister to keep her eyes open and run like hell/call police if she sees that kid anywhere in her vicinity. And, sadly, he's not the first self-hating Jew to cross the line into nazi territory. Frank Collins, Chicago's most prominent neo-nazi back in the late 70's and 80's, was "exposed" by fellow nazis as being Jewish. The ADL and SPLC have profiled a handful of other men who've done similar things."

Monday, May 12, 2008

Dish and That

  1. Astonishing Adventures Magazine was plugged in Bookgasam! Congratulations, beautiful babies... Which reminds me

  2. I will be interviewing the brains behind AAM this week. Check back on Wednesday for all the dish.

  3. I had dinner with one of my bestest friends in the woild tonight in from NY. He made my day.

  4. I'm writing a new project, a huge departure from comedy, so there's that.

  5. Dished with pops-- he's doing great.

  6. Still owe Quinny an email. I've re-read it a few times. That dame is so sagey. If you haven't read her blog, you must.

  7. Frannylish's post about Gifts of Healing, Consolation and Peace is quite riveting. Check it out, I was inspired.

  8. Long day, though a good one.

  9. Email mishigas like you don't know.

  10. That's my daily report.

  11. More dish later... Good dish and awwwwl


  13. Katie

Saturday, May 10, 2008

The Inquistion: Meme Style

PaganSphinx tagged Bethy. Bethy tagged WP and Cormac tagged me. Is that rhymey?! Read their meems, they're great! I've also tagged a few peeps, too. I'm just sayin'.

Ten Year Ago what were you doing, Schwartzy?

I was in New York. Running almost 12 miles a day. Writing my heart out. Fucking my brains out and having a really fabulous time. I was also spending a lot of time with my family, my friends and my kid. He was six-months old.

Five Things on Today's "To Do" List

  1. Buy luggage. done

  2. Go to the mall with my sister for mother's day tchoch. done

  3. Hock my webmaster about posting my revised content for my webbysite. Hocking

  4. Transfer files to my Mac from my PC.

  5. Whole Foods Run.

  6. Post this meme.

  7. Run up to ma's.

  8. E-stalk Dr. P.

  9. Schedule a hair cut. CBB (can't be bothered)

  10. E-stalk honeygirl and quinny.

  11. Clean Fan

Man, I have a lot to do. I will get it all done, right?

If I were a Billionaire

  1. Financially provide for my family and friends for life.

  2. Hit every homeless organization and women's shelter I've been involved with in SF, LA and NYC and make sure that each person had enough money to live the life they've always wanted to live. Make sure that these organizations had the money and resources required to eliminate bureaucracy and provide educational and financial means for each resident.

  3. Financially invest in other organizations I'm passionate about and spend more time volunteering.

  4. Set up a private health care fund for men and women, either abandoned by their insurance companies or who can't afford insurance, to make sure they get the health care they need, worry free.

  5. Set up a private fund for women with any kind of thyroid disorder whatsoever and provide them with the financial and medical resources required, so they can regain their lives.

  6. Set up a fund for writers and artists to be able to write and create art full-time and get their careers going without having to work jobs.

  7. Write a lot

  8. Start a theatre company, etc. etc. etc.

  9. Get my Masters

  10. Buy my apartment in NYC

Three Bad Habits

  1. I bite my lower lip when I'm nervous

  2. Going to the mailbox and opening my mail-- Maybe I'll go once a week, maybe.

  3. Rubbing the palms of my hands when I'm uncomfortable or anxious

Five Places I've Lived

  1. New York

  2. Los Angeles

  3. San Francisco

  4. Chicago

  5. Durham & London, England

Only five?

Five Jobs I've Had

  1. Pizza maker

  2. Ice cream scooper

  3. Jewelry store stocker

  4. Assistant to an accountant, that job sucked ass, yo

  5. Florist's Assistant

I am tagging...


Friday, May 09, 2008

Change of Plans

  1. I'm having a love / hate relationship with the human race at the minute.

  2. Bad drama is unfestive.

  3. Miscommunication sucks ass, especially when you know you're right. Katie, you did not just say that. Oh, yes, I did.

  4. Creepy people are unfestive.

  5. Life through my youngest brother's eyes is refreshing and lovely and a reminder of how sacred and special growing up is. At 21, you realize your foundation isn't where you live, it's knowing that you're loved by your family and friends. Right?! Being 21 is a special and tumultuous time. I feel lucky to be there for him and listen, knowing he has to find his own way. Kid's amazing.

  6. The Pilcrow Lit Fest is in two weeks. What a fab time that will be. We're all going, yes? We've all donated a few duckets? Spill.

  7. I think I love the new vinty pocketbook I'm about to buy, not sure though. My sister says I should go for it. Thoughts?

  8. I think I'm bi-- I'm falling for MacBook pretty hard, yet I'm not ready to break up with PC. Oy, such a conuny.

  9. I have two new blog crushes, check it out, it's a hot mess of hilariousness. WP turned me onto the baroness's post about Juicy asses. So funny.

  10. I don't understand why women are so hot for Bret Michaels. What am I missing?

  11. I'm listening to Native New Yorker RIGHT NOW, by Odyssey. This song kicks mothah fuckin' ass.

  12. I shouldn't curse so much, which reminds me....

  13. ... I need to call my dad.

  14. Had fab e-dishes this week with SprawlingRamshacklee, Eebie, Bethy, Franny, Quinny, Guthy, Freidabeezy, Lewchie and Cormac Brownie.

  15. I worry too much.

  16. I have two meemers to do this weekend. I'm so excited. Love a good meemish.

Katie is now logging offline because Katie needs fresh air. More later.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Mac or PC

  1. To every blogger who commented on my Farmhouse Interview, A MILLION THANK YOU'S for your generous, supportive, wonderful comments. You are such angels. How did I get so damn lucky, huh?! Someone is lookin' out for Jewgirl and I am one grateful heeblette. Grazie.
  2. I am not breaking up with PC. Let me just put that out there. I am a PC / ThinkPad whore. I also needed a new lappytoppy. I bought a Mac laptop. Question, what the fuck?! I can't figure out how to use it. I'm trying. Mac users, Q4U, have you tried using it with with Windows Professional XP? Should I buy that? I hear that software turns your Mac into a PC. Thoughts? Spill.
  3. Who has a Mac trick or three hundred up their sleeves they'd like to impart? Spill.
  4. How was everyone's weekend?
  5. I'm now going to make myself horizontalish and play with my mactop.
  6. I heart You.
  7. I'm back into bullet points. Oy, I know.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Guess Who Popped her Interview Cherry

Shalom Beautiful babies. Guess what?! The gems at Farmhouse Magazine, one of my favey favealish reads online featuring fiction, non-fiction and poetry, alongside toe curling, subversive art, interviewed Schwartzy about my book, Emotionally Pantsed. Take a look. Ga'head.

PS: Website is officially going live this weekend. Ya's can take a look at it in beta.


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