Katie Schwartz: 09/29/06

Friday, September 29, 2006

my vagina and me

my vagina and I got into a HUGE knock down drag out fight this morning.

I suspended her vibrator privileges a few days ago, so she decided to lead a revolt against me. she's threatening me with a yeast infection. what a snatch! so cunty sometimes, you know?

due to elevated horniness, she's been insatiable. it's becoming a problem. is it soo much to ask that she be a little sensitive to my needs?! I'm a very busy person. I don't have time to cater to her every moistened wish. I mean, gaahhhd. she can be so slutty sometimes, too. I'm so not like that. I'm far more reserved. I don't need it the way she does.

as always, I'm conflicted. I hate to censor her of course, or anyone else, but we have to learn to co-exist a bit better. donchya think? it can't always be about HER and HER needs.

when did vaginas corner the market on neediness?! *that isn't a fucking pun!*

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save our boobies:boobiethon.com

latest fears

each week, into my brain pops new or existing fears to add to or expound on my rolodex of agida.

you think it's easy being a neurotic chubby jew broad? it ain't. it's a lot of time, work and preperation.

my fears this week...

1: I never want to be a sloppy menstruator. the kind of dame who let's ruby flow wherever she damn well pleases.

2: fingernail cancer.

3: running out of menstrual pain medication.

4: being fat with se's for the rest of my fuckin' life.

5: upcoming blood test results.

6: louie's ginormous lump on his shoulder and ankle -oy- this is the mamabootzah of ahj.

7: being stuck. you know what I mean.

8: becoming incontinent

9: my uterus dropping and crashing my vaginal canal right along with it. and, a total inability to then see my womb as the fabulous accessory it can be!

10: that the creative juices are being sucked out of my brain and heart forever!

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the only upside to insomnia is blogging.
boobiethon.com: october is breast cancer awareness month. show your boobies for a cure!