Wednesday, February 07, 2007

creepy or kind?

as far as neighbor tales go, let's face it, I'm riddled with em'.

today, I got a note on my door from my neighbor that said,

if you and louie need help moving some stuff downstairs, feel free to knock.

menschy, right? really nice, thoughtful and kind. so, why did I get the creeps? how snatchy of me. here is a human being expressing kindness and goodwill towards womankind.

what the fuck is wrong with me that I could even think for a second, ok, creepy, thanks, but no thanks. then I realized why I thought that.
  1. yes. he's very nice to my dog whenever we run into him in the hallway.
  2. yes, we've exchanged pleasantries. you know how you do.
  3. no, we've never had a discussion.

how did he know I was moving? is he a tenant tracker? a chubby chaser? does he sniff fat chick panties? is he trying to fuck my dog? steal my dog? is he paying a fat girl karmic debt? is he trying to boost my credit card for itunes? what is the deal? why the sudden interest in helping sowlicious move? what's in it for him? there has to be something in it for him. you know it and I know it.

you appreciate my concern, right?

from what I know of him. he's really nice. very athletic, easy on the eyes, but come on, it's SO not sexsssual. I don't even want to fuck me right now. it's got to be something else. so, what is it? what's he after?

the fact that I even think all of that really bothers me on several if not all levels. am I so jaded and so far gone that I am mistaking kindness for creepiness? now that's creepy.

minister cured of homosexuality! it's a miracle

Minister Called 'Completely Heterosexual'

Peer Group Recommends Ted Haggard Move Out of Town

DENVER (Feb. 6) - One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual."

well, I'll be dipped in shit. praise be. he's recovered from cock suckage and pineage. I wonder, maybe I should do this, too. I have such a hankering for dick. the change could do me good.

Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev.

ok, let me get this straight. if I am recalling the original yarn, hags requested a massage and didn't realize the person giving him the massage was gay. he was also holding crystal meth for him, too. but had no intention of taking it (of course), and this non-gay, gay encounter was an isolated gay incident? WOW. I am loving the depths of this spin.

Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday's edition. "He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing." read more...

notice how situations is plural. shouldn't it be singular? remember, ralph mouth, hags only had one non-gay, gay experience. the shame of this paragraph is just perfectly brilliant.


design by