Katie Schwartz

Nice ad, huh? Circa 19-we-call-fat-laaaydies-chubbies . Of course we've "evolved" past this. Presently, we just quickly look away from said chubbette for fear of catching fat , which makes perfect sense, it was in the NY Times . If you've been following my tweets , you know that I am completely OCD about my kitchen window neighbor's shower habits. They shower 4-5 times a day. I keep wondering; if there are only two of them, what could they possibly be doing that requires such excessive showering. Are they rolling in mud? Peeing on themselves? Working out 24/7? Smoking meat? Then I wonder, wait, maybe people have increased their daily showering, maybe that's the norm, maybe it's the thing to do , and I'm just a skanky dirty whore for showering once a day. I'm in a weird mood. I have insomnia. Oh, before I forget, thank you sooo much for the birthday wishes. My birthday was February 7th. Like the latetard that I am, I didn't get around to postin...

you know you have a problem with food when you wantonly open a cake box containing a mere sliver from the previous night. as you glance in lovingly, you greet the cake by saying, hi, sweet thing, how are you ? how's it going ? I missed you . thought a lot about you last night. did you think about me? you penetrate the sliver of cake with your fork. feeling every layer plunging through. first the frosting. the cake. the filling. and more cake... mmmm. yeah. talk to me, baby . you raise the fork to your welcoming mouth and engulf every morsel and finish it off with a final suck, so the frosting-filling-cake ratio is evenly dispersed. I digress... food-is-not-NOT-a-lifestyle. but, apparently addiction is. go figure.

unlike this fabulous diva and she IS a fabulous diva, I have flat jew ass syndrome. add the additional poundage and, wow, I am a serious wide load.

"No pardner, this isn't where I work... It's where my money works for me. I know my savings are safe here, because wherever you see that insurance emblem displayed you know your savings are protected by an agency of the U.S. Government." that's one hell of an ad I found online, isn't it?! -- I've decided that abstinence is very similar to going carb free. there isn't an upside to either. -- I really think there should be a fat sucking program for the poor. I see it as a win-win. lemme splain. fattie poor folk get fat sucked out of their bodies making them thin. their fat is then injected into poor starving people making them healthy and robust. it's a good idea, no? -- I'm not sure what's worse, fat rash or fat pull. fat pull is when appropriatee fitting underwear still manages to get sucked under the majora belly roll. in my opinion fat pull blows fat rash away. fat rash though uncomfortable can be remedied with powder or lotion. one fello...