Monday, July 09, 2007

regarding this post... again


remember that post about matters of the heart, the one I wrote on sunday. it's here. in that post, I said, the hardest part about not mattering to someone is the moment you realize that you don't matter to them and you never really did.



FIRST... while I appreciate such cozyass sentiments and believe me, fehatty does. it wasn't about me. like the short bus schmuck I am, I didn't spell out what I meant. clearly we don't have esp, do we? now I will.



I was interested in getting a discussion going about matters of the heart. I am intrigued by people who can't sort of, well, roll with it. meaning, they need to define every step of a relationship instead of just enjoying the journey, free of expectations, regardless of where it takes them.



I am equally fascinated by the concept of pushing someone to be with you when you both know they don't want to be with you.



finally, this concept of relationships as failures or successes. what is that? why do people do that? how can any relationship be a failure? can't it just be right in that moment for the time you were together? is that so horrible?!



spill. let's dish.

16 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I'm sorry dear. I know I should have not pushed you so hard. I could tell that you were uncomfortable with an interspecies romance. It's just that I'm so, so, so smitten by you. Ah well, one day maybe. I'll just have to roll with it now. But I will still love you from afar.

Mountjoy said...

"I am equally fascinated by the concept of pushing someone to be with you when you both know they don't want to be with you. "

As a teenager, I was so guilty of this. Totally and utterly lovestruck. Would have taken to my testicles with a hammer to gain her affection. I was completely rebuked.

In hindsight, it's lucky I never had that hammer in more ways than one....

Beth said...

I guess at one time or another we've all guilted someone into staying with us just a little longer, in the hopes that he'd see the beautiful, shiny center of our being. But when you look back ten years later, you realize that *ugh*, we should have stopped while we were ahead.

That being said ...

At this age in my dating life, I find that men are more desperate to stay together, to fit their square peg into my round hole (huh; I didn't mean for that to be sexual ... and yet it is). I find it frustrating that they want to talk about The Relationship on a third date, that they're frustrated if I'm not available every damn Saturday.

jewgirl said...

you're a special species, sweetie. you are not disqualified.

jewgirl said...

mount joy, I just love seeing you in my box.

"Would have taken to my testicles with a hammer to gain her affection." what a glorious sense of drama you have.

jewgirl said...

bethy, I totally agree with you. sage advice! I do find, though, that it's coming from men and women. I wonder if the genders aren't as different as I sometimes think they are...

you're right. great points!

Chaylene said...

I remember trying to break up with a guy in college and he talked me out of it. I knew it was a bad idea to stay together, but I relented all the same.

He ended up cheating on me soon after we got back together.

What kind of asshole begs to stay together only to cheat? Fucking hippy cunthunter.

Rhetorically Sterculian said...

"...cozyass sentiments..."

Is that what they were to you?

What a 'non-cunt'!

Well fuck me from behind with that pictured toaster, see if I am ever compassionate towards YOU again.

Coaster Punchman said...

"They need to define every step of a relationship instead of just enjoying the journey" - people like that are annoying. I've been guilty of having the "what does this mean?" conversation sooner than I should have, but I've never done that to an entire relationship. That person would have to be killed. Or maybe just punished severely.

"pushing someone to be with you when you both know they don't want to be with you" - one of the most pathetic periods of my life was spent doing this. It makes me ill when I think of it. In my defense, the other party did tease me and give me just enough to keep me begging for more. I blame myself for being weak in the face of his temptation, though. (But again, in my defense, it's very hard to ward off physical affection when it's offered to your starving soul.)

Anyway, I spent the better part of A YEAR, which should have otherwise been one of the happiest times of my life, trying to force a relationship that just didn't want to begin. Oh if I could turn back time. But then I wouldn't be the brilliant cyberstalker you know & love today, right?

Dale said...

I've been guilty of all these things but then you grow up or at least you're supposed to right?

jewgirl said...

can I just say that I am in absolute AWE of everyone's honesty about this topic. absolutely awe. I am so inspired, I can't even begin to tell you.

ah, kvelling. I am kvelling and plotzing.

jewgirl said...

chaylene, cunthunter. so funny. what a dick. I think for some men it's all about control and ownership. NOT ALL MEN and certainly not the men here. but, some men are definitely like that. women can be, too.

jewgirl said...

I know, dulch, I'm not the warmiest fuzziest cuntsteinowitz. I do have my moments.

jewgirl said...

cp, I was so touched by your yarn and honesty. ah-ah-ah.

I absolutely relate to what you're talking about at those times in your life. I really get it. I also love the fact that you appreciate what you went through because it is what made you who you are today, a cyberstalker that I am wildly in love with.

I mean that in the most non-offensive way.

jewgirl said...

we all have, potd. oy vey a shmear.

you seem very grown up and well adjusted to me, doll face. even HEALTHY!

BITCH :)

Writeprocrastinator said...

Oh, you meant shortbus the other day, not "Shortbus," the movie.

First, relationships are like rivers. Some grow strong, some peter out, but they always run their courses.

Second, nothing is worse than pushing someone into a relationship. I had a friend who married a shiksa and while he wanted "the happily ever after with kids," she just wanted him to support her through her last semester of school and up to her next fulltime job.

He thought he could change her and she knew better the whole time, yet they both cajoled each other into a marriage that may have lasted a little under two years, but was effectively over right after the honeymoon.

 

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