Wednesday, August 29, 2007

dish galore


alicia keys new song... no one. heard it? it's a lil poppy, but I love ha.


I think I have an eye inFUCKtion. my left ball and lower lid hurt like a mother bitch and the swelling --oy, don't ask. running to an eye specialist tomorrow to get the scoop. alls I can say, and I do mean alls, is that it better not be serious. you know when YOU KNOW you just can't go another round? like you seriously need five more minutes to catch your breath before you can. yeah. I'd say that's where this heeblette's at.



what else? I wrote. pined for the kid. wrote about the kid. I'm still howling from the beauty queen thinking there's a state in the US called "Such As". I wish I was holding the microphone when she delivered that debacle. I would've laughed so hard, the tears would've been streaming down my face at 90 mph.



my naybah's dawta had big Sapphic fun yesterday. while mother was away, she got her cat on IN the shower with another tweeny girl and boy. I now have leverage the next time she scowls at me and you know damn well I'm gonna use it. I think a very simple, listen missy, I know about your afternoon nosh in the shower, so if I were you, I'd back-the-fuck-off, should kill that scowling snatch. her mother thinks she's perfect. oh, what a tangled web we weave.


it's time for me to make myself horizontal. I'm seeing double. that's not festive. bye-bye now.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Such As

Oh to be a Teen Queen. Diva South Carolina was asked the question: A fifth of Americans can't locate the US on a world map, why do you think this is?



You have to watch the video below for her full response. It's soooo decadent. Did you know there is a state in the US called "Such As" and another called "The Iraq". Oh, indeed, indeed. indeed. If Americans can locate these great states, the Americans can help South Ameriiii--I mean--AFRICANS. It's brilliant.



It's refreshing to see teens today taking Bushspeak so seriously.




Sunday, August 26, 2007

Dead Dog's Club


Of course you're not interested in sharing your deathiest canine yarn, so you should. You need a place to commiserate, cry, laugh and bond. Come on by, beautiful babies. Submit pictures, stories. Whatever. Spin and Send.


Oh, wait, you should visit the Dead Dog's Club first.

what's up is


The majority of my yesterday was spent pining for The Kid. I went outside and was overwhelmed by the gazillion happy, healthy, rambunctious dogs and dog owners that were out. Not a dead dog in sight, and yes, it pissed me off. I was angry that my dog wasn't part of the pack. The anger turned to sadness. I want him back. I'm still searching for the upside of death.



I wrote. Writing more today. I'm so close to finishing these two particular essays that I need to finish.



I think I'll clean. Oh, CBB. I'd like to have a social call with my sister and my mother. My stomach is bothering me today. I'm a kvetchy, whiny, cunting pain in my OWN ASS today and yours, too. Excited?!



My neighbor fucked Bartholomew last night. I don't know what's more offensive, waking up in the middle of the night to, I'm Cumming, Bartholomew, I'm Cumming, or that he only fucks her once a week. The whole thing is just wrong. At the very least, give the man a nickname. She's not the most creative fork in the silverware tray. I think I'll slip a choice nickname list under her door today. She'll hate me. I can live with that. At the very least, it should stop her from screeching his name when she cums.



We're done for the day. Be sure to visit 6S. Have a fab Sunday, children.

Friday, August 24, 2007

hungry?


I'm always hungry and Cormac Brown has delivered one fierce mothah fuckin' nosh over at Powder Burn Flash... Hot Ice and Cold Blood. Run. Read. Now. Comment. Jew will love it.

Guthy's Jewcy


Fences. Run. Read. Now. Guthy's Fences is the perfect emotional boundary tune-up.

6S It


Diva MadameZ has got the Blues. Schwartzy's looking for an Exiled Christian Kid. Got any to spare?

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Nosh on Guthy's Jewcy



Step Aside, Ego, There are Mitzvot To Be Done: Guthy's pearls of the day are words to live by. Sink your teeth into this latke. Your mind, body and soul will thank you. Run. Read. Now.



PS: Don't forget, tonight is The FIXX Reading Series in Chicago. Hit The Mouth for Details. Treat yourself to a literary feast.



I love food.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

It Matters


I have no sense of time. It's genetic. It's not a malfunction. It's something that's quite festive actually ... until it matters. It mattered tonight when I was talking to my mother and we were dishing about the kid.



The abridged version is that even though I couldn't find his birth certificate (PS: you can bet your sweet ass, I will find it. I am one determined dame), I found evidence that he was born in 97', which means he was 10, not 7.



I had 10-years with my kid. 10 beautiful, perfect years. It's never enough time, ever. I would've loved more time. It'll never be enough time. I'd give up everything I have right now for more time with him.



Knowing that he had 10-years matters to me. Knowing that we had 10-years matters to me. It gives me a sense of peace and relief. My son lived 10 glorious uninterrupted years on this planet and I have proof.



I found his baby pictures. The day he was born. When he was 3 weeks old, 4 months, a year, 2 years and all the way up to the present. There was one picture that meant the world to me and I FOUND IT, it's the picture of when he separated himself from his brothers and sisters at just 3 weeks old. He sat across from them, observing. I was so taken with his moxie. I thought, look at the balls on this kid. That's my kid.



I will sleep with the angels tonight. I won't have nightmares. I have some peace and it matters.

JewcyGuthy


Guthy's Jewcy of the Day: Something To Think About Next Time You Feel Like A Complete Twit For Asking: Lean, bubbie, lean. Great life lessons.



Run. Read. Now.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

pre-jhush digs




post kid, semi-jhushed digs. front door. lr. hall into the kitch. see the red doors. behind the red doors is a fabu bed-room.


that was the kid's favorite couch. he loved to sit and watch the world go by. I wish I had a picture of that, but I don't. I would love to berate myself for that. I think I'll save that for later. that will be my quality time for the day.


I know the walls need a jhush. I know.



the kid's view...


hall. are you new?


more hall. love halls.



closet. every girl needs one...




batchroom.


as you can see there is a heating pad for the lower back. why? cramps galore, people. cramps galore. gaza strip is in full swing.


kitchen. often where we dish.


more kitchen.


the final pic is... you guessed it, the kitchen. when I'm back in jhush mode, I'll post more pickys. until then, this is a jhush free zone and that's ok.



do not forget to visit Guthy's Jewcy Post of the Day and Sensu's 60s Sex Yarn.

Run. Read. Now.



Amy Guth is blogging every day this week at Jewcy. As we approach the High Holidays, feast on Guthy's Introspective Jewey, and YES, universal nosh. Her first post, Get Confident, Stupid! is a sumptuous and challenging post... Less is more. Cause and effect. Run. Read. Now. Loved it. Go. Ooh-Ooh comment, too.


Al Sensu has written such an endearing and sexy essay about his first time called "My Slum Goddess" that is so divine. Run. Read. Now. You will love it. It takes place in The Village and it is soooooooo 60s, yo. Tell him how much you love it. Ga-head.

Monday, August 20, 2007

guthy's on jewcy


Super Jewey Beautiful Interview about Amy Guth on Jewcy. Run. Read. Now. Comment galore. Ah, such a smart, funny, delicious interview. Show your support. She's Guest Editing for a week!

menses and dead dogs ... yes again


drove by juice's patch. see. view from window. cried. still bleeding. lots. and. lots. and. lots.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

menses and dead dogs



**Images: current views**


Mitigating circumstances have exacerbated the death of my son. Not to diminish the weight of his death or the impact it has had on my life. Regardless, I would be the mess I am today and in the Jewiest of mourning. Oh, how I pine. Big pineage.



That said. Dr. P said, Katie, you have to start to build anew. Anew? What an odd and antiquated choice of words for "
In a new and different way, form, or manner." Fuck him. Though, he's right. I just don't want to agree with him. I wish I could chose not to. I can't.



Channel your anger, your grief and your emptiness productively, my mother says. She's right, too. I write. I knit. I scream. I yell. I cry. I sweat. I walk. I stretch. Bupkas. Now, I am trying to blog. This week, I want to catch up on my favorite blogs and comment. (Bored yet? Disgusted with me yet? Me too.)



Today, I decided to menstruate. Yes,
Mountjoy, I am menstruating. My menses commenced late this morning. It felt like a forceful gush of agony rushing through my vaginal canal. Usually, menseena begins slowly and taunts my vulva before making a grand appearance. Not this cycle. No, this cycle is for tears I have yet to shed. Anger I've yet to speak or write and wombache from sorrow and loss. A gush of emotion pouring out of my cunt at 90 miles per hour. If I am to learn anything from this period, it should be that my heart and womb are one. They work in synchronicity. I can live with that.



I miss you all. I adore you all and I am grateful for you all. I'm still a BlueJew. Thank God for Joni Mitchell... etc. etc. etc.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

don't break up with me!


please don't break up with me. I need a bit more time. I am overcome by the kindness of those I've never met in person. the emails. the comments. the posts. the cards. the flowers. the time spent sharing your lives and your own stories of losing your beloved canine or feline children. you mean a lot to me and I am forever grateful. so, a bit more time, please? I will be back. no breaking up with fehatty, capisce?!



thank you! you don't know how much you mean to me, dearies. you just don't know.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Rest in Peace My Sweet Sweet Louiejew


beautiful updates below...



Louie Jew, Jewcifer, Hagamuffin, Shagamuffin, Buglette Wuglette, Super Bug, Dori, Shags and Shagaboombas, were my kid's nicknames. He joyously answered to all of the above.



On August 1st, 2007, I put my beloved Shagamuffin to sleep. I am assured he did not suffer. That he felt relaxed and tired. He was a mess. He had abdominal sepsis. It came on fast, 24 hours and he was gone. They say he was not in pain. His spirit left and had been dwindling two-weeks prior to his departure. His eyes closed as effortlessly as they opened when he came into this world. I am grateful that I was there when he took his first breath and I was there when he took his last. He was my first dog. My first pet. My first born son.



I don't know who I am without him or how I will exist on this earth without this child. He saved my life. He was my lifeline when I needed one. He was lovely, sweet, kind and good. He lived an abundant canine life, filled with great friendships, delicious food and treats, summer camp for canines, the very best health care money could buy and he ran like the wind to play catch with his rope many times a day. He's been across country so many times and stayed in more hotels with his mama than you can imagine. He was fearless. Gentle. Incandescent and the greatest gift and joy I have ever known in my life.



I didn't know my heart could love like this and break the way it has. Well, I did know, I just didn't realize the human-to-canine crossover. I have to remind myself to breathe. I have to remind myself that I did the right thing. That I acted in his best interests. That the choice I made doesn’t make me a monster. Rather, it meant that I love him that much.



I wondered and still do, did he know how much I loved him? How much he meant to me. Did he feel loved on August 1st when I ended his sweet, beautiful life? Does he know how grateful and lucky I feel to have shared eight years with him? Does he know that I will never forget him? Oh, how I worry about that.



I love him so much and my heart is so broken. I am in agony. I don't know how I got through that August 1st. I suck at saying goodbye, especially to my sweet Juice, a beautiful, perfect soul who bought out the very best in me and taught me so much about life. About myself and about what it's like to be a dog.



It seems that no matter how many Rokeach candles I light. No matter how many tears I shed. No matter how angry I get. No matter how many times I question my decision, none of it will bring him back. He is gone and I might never be the same Katie again. I am forever changed because of his life and his death.



I remind myself daily that if I didn't love him as much as I do, I wouldn't feel this much pain. It doesn't help. Maybe one day it will. Until then...



Thank you to every single blog friend I have for your incredible letters, emails, fragrant and pretty flowers, beautiful posts, check-ins and friendship. I am very lucky to be surrounded by such good and kind friends who are willing to take time out of their life to be a friend, my friend. From the bottom of my heart, I am eternally grateful to you. All of you. Thank you.



:::UPDATES HERE:::



virgotext wrote the most beautiful post/poem about juice and about losing our beloved pets that brought me tears. it's so exquisite. please read it.



if you haven't read guthy's equally exquisite post about death and mourning, you have to read it. yeah, it will bring you to tears, too, but in the very best way.

Friday, August 03, 2007

jewgirl has a broken heart

to find out what's up, hit earth diva mouth for details... capisce?!

 

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