Saturday, April 22, 2006

katie schwartz

one day last year, I decided to search for all the katie schwartz's I could find and email them.

here is what I wrote:

Hi Katie Schwartz. I'm Katie Schwartz, too. Nice to meet you.

I am contacting all of the Katie Schwartz's I can find online to see if we have any similarities. Here are a few questions. if you would be so kind as to email me back, that would be great.

1. are you jewish?
2. are you chubby? if not, have you struggled with a weight problem?
3. would you say that you're a well humored bird?
4. are you orally inclined
5. do you have dark hair and olive skin or light hair and fair skin?
6. do you come from a large, loud family?
7. are you neurotic and obsessive compulsive?
8. what are your career aspirations?

that's it. thanks so much for taking the time to email me back. I will send you my responses to the same questions I asked you if you wish and forward along all the others.

all my best,
katie schwartz

not one katie schwartz emailed me back! how nervy is that?!?! can you believe it? I sent out about 30 ks-mails and I got bupkas in return.

I would say, katie schwartz's are bitches, but I won't for obvious reasons.

more keywords katie's blog is coming up on

katie schwartz:: isn't that appropriate
houseinthehood:: love his blog. he's remodeling his house
south beach diet:: oh well, I guess it could be worse. I could come up on atkins.
slutty names:: what a victory for katie

jan crouch is creepy

does everyone know the chicken story? what a fabulous yarn that was. I will never forget watching jan, in tears, telling her story of how she revived chicken from the dead.

it goes like this:

(southern drawl and all)

I once had a pet chicken and we named it, chicken. one day we come out of the house and chicken ran right out into the street. chicken was hit by a car. chicken was dead. our chicken named, chicken was a lifeless lump. my sister and I cried over chicken's body. we was crying and crying and crying. then we decided to pray. and we prayed. and we prayed. prayed for chicken to come back to life. suddenly our chicken named, chicken took a deep breath and popped right up.

chicken was alive! chicken was alive!

I wonder if she wore two wigs at that time, too...

tom cruise is creepy

The birth "was everything that we wanted it to be," the actor, who once hopped up and down on a couch to profess his love for Holmes, said in an interview on ABC's "20/20."

"It was spiritual. It was powerful. It was indescribable," he said in the interview broadcast Friday. "What words can you use? It's still something that I'm processing and keep reliving."

I feel so sorry for his two children. talk about feeling like chopped liver!

should we feel sorry for suri, the red dot nosh, too? yeah.

emotional gridlock

that sounds so fucking escalon-mud-fucking-sprout-eating nutjob, but it's true.

I'm not sure what's more productive, focusing on my intense hate and anger, or severe and inapropriate envy.

they're both such vital emotions that provide endless hours of bottoming out. I suppose I should go with the one that leaves me the most drained.

oh, what's a girl to do, emotional accessorizing is so time consuming, isn't it?!

born again christian men!

so, this morning while I was at the park with louie, some guy with his dog says to me, "I come here to pray."

seems more like a canine driven spot, but ohkay. pray away.

one would think that would dissuade him from further communication, but oh no, not this born again christian boy. he says, "I'm a christian and christians are jews. we really love your people. our faith is rooted in judaism. we shouldn't even be called christians, we should be called disciples of jesus who was a jew by the way."

I look like jewey?!

ok, so I do. but, I also look italian or spanish.

according to him, I was a super jew.

what pissed me off, is while he was hockin me to go to his church in santa monica and spewing his jew to christian, christian to jew yarn, he's staring at the twins!

shameful little shit.

I finally said to him, "my ears are a little bit higher."

he was mortified.

I was pleased.


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