Katie Schwartz

there is a new strain of alcoholic, the passive aggressive hobbyist, the one that thinks ripping you a new asshole is sport. whatever happened to the 50s alcoholic, the one that minded their own business and shut the fuck up, huh?! where did that lusheen go?!?!? for the love of god, can we PLEASE bring that alcoholic BACK!

1. when everyone around you is successful and you're swimming knee deep in shit, and your friends have the audacity to say, "cheer up. brighter days are ahead." all you want to do in response to this oblivious, fucked up statement is rip their eyeballs out and pee on their brain! 2. while pondering the benefits of dying young, you realize not aging to the point of incontinence could be a perk. 3. the highlight of your day is the end of it. 4. you open the jc penny free gift spam and actually read it.

I was cruising through sitemeter. love to see who comes from where to get to me. anyway, I happened upon a blog with a very intriguing profile: "I attend a Pentecostal Christian church every Sunday and wholly believe in the resurrection, in being born again and sanctified by the blood of Jesus Christ, and in being baptised in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. It's not religious to be a Christian; it's ignorant not to be." I always love a new spin on zealotry.

once in awhile, I freelance for a shit hole company in beverly hills. the office I sit in overlooks an alley. at 3:00 pm this kid rolls up in his 70s oldsmobile with super tiny tires and tricked out frames. he has a modest afro, severely baggy clothing and regards himself as a hardened young brothah; blasting vintage tupac. ok. here's what KILLS ME. kid goes to beverly hills high school. I know this because he has a BHHS sticker on his bumper. he rolls into a fuckin' plush ass three story townhouse. what mean streets of beverly hills did he grow up on? I'd LOVE to see this kid in stuyvesant square. let's see how she fairs there!