Saturday, September 30, 2006

my shortcomings

I think I know why I'm single. I've just epiphed.

1:: men who say, I want to make love to you, turn me off. if a man said that to me, I'd laugh. that's horrible. I am a vile hideous, shameful cow.

2:: the intro sentences, I need. you need to. I wish you would. can you just. I accept you and love you for you, but. we need to get you on a budget. yeah. epic. HUGE. major. serious relationship killers for katie.

3:: I can't date a musician. I won't. or, date anyone who says, I have a guitar. I play. what I really want to do is... music music. music.

there are more. they will pop into my head. I'm sure. I will post them. but, for now, I'm taking jewcifer out and then stepping out myself.

have a good weekend.

save our boobies:

history of masturbation

blow jobs cum shots: they picked up my mid-day blowjob post. I think I'm flattered.

did you know there's a website called, the
history of masturbation? love a good dirty little secret. so sweet. I collect vintage sex books.

save our boobies:

sweeping and mopping

I have to mop. for whatever reason, mopping and sweeping make me feel, fat, dirty, cheap and poor. I can do laundry. I can even vacuum. barely. but, I can do it.

my kitchen floor needs to be swept and mopped. I'd rather have a rectal.

I'm in a very assy mood. have you noticed? I'm all about the ass right now.

the fact that I have to get my broom and my mop out makes me want to vomit. I have the strongest aversion to it. maybe I tripped over a mop in a past life or I was married to a sweeper who beat me.

like I have time to ponder past life mistakes?! I got enough of that to deal with in this life.


what a fuckin' day yesterday. my ass felt gang banged by every schmuck in town. I guess I had, will bottom for you all day, slapped on my forehead. would've LOVED a memo or some type of forwarning.

while we waited for jewcifer at the vet, my sister and I decided to grab a nosh. the stupidity of our waitress was epic, bordering brilliant.

me: may I have an iced tea mixed with lemonade, please?
waitress: what's that?

we squinted. hi. bewildered. me, I wanted to beat her with a stick.

kerri: it's a lemonade and ice tea in the same glass.
waitress: yeah, but what is it?

I wanted to say, you're not hot enough to be this stupid. if you want to be this fuckin' dumb, you stupid, cunt bitch whore, than you really need a makeover plan so you can catch a rich fellow!

but, I didn't.

when she brought our food, she said, "I brought extra silverware in case you needed it.

DUMB ASS, THERE ARE TWO OF US. elijah didn't rsvp and nobody else but you has been to our table.

gahd, why are people stupid?! it's not fair.

save our


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