Saturday, June 03, 2006

she's here and she's kinda queer

this week one of my oldest and bestest friends who I've known for 25-years, called me. the conversation went like this:

l: kates, I'm bisexual.
k: good for you, you ambisextrous diva. is this a new noshing interest or have you always been keen on pussy and just never told me?
l: no. it's new.
k: care to elaborate?
l: this past year I've developed an attraction to women. last weekend when I went out with some girlfriends, this hot blonde approached me and was flirting with me. next thing you know, we're on her bed 69'ng.
k: I see. was there a working up to this (phase) or did you just mainline the taco?
l: I went straight for the pussy.
k: hey, you know what you want and you're not afraid to go for it. I think it's great. so, are you's two dating?
l: no. just fucking. I'm addicted to her.
k: this surprises you, miss ocd?!

the rest of the conversation would just bore you....

extra strength draino

today, I been doin' some thinking. I'm not a proponent of thinking or reading. both squeeze me up inside my head and spin me.

the cliche, knowledge is power. for some, sure, but for me, it's a curse. seeing as I can't live without either, there's no question that I am, on some level, a voracious-hedonistic-submissive-bottom. everyone's got a shortcoming.

it was the clog in my sink and buying extra-strength draino that got me to thinking. I chose the buchest strength they had. I dumped the entire bottle into my sink and watched the gel sift through the water and bubble at the drain.

an hour later when I returned to the sink, it was empty, so I turned on the hot water faucet and ran it hard. I watched the water effortlessly slide down the drain and erase the memory of being clogged.

and, I thought, outside of anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills and mood stabilizers, which I don't need, it's too bad there isn't a draino to erase the tiresome issues that burden me. how great would it be to have a brain flap that slides open, revealing a chute for mind draino.

let's face it, people, I'm onto something HUGE.

loving....

nicknames

I was thinking... I have so many queer ass nicknames for my dog.

here's the list:

jewcifer
haglette the hellnine
shaggels
louie jew
buglet
buglet wuglet
shagamuffin
shagaboombas (that's one of my best friend's nickname for louie)
shags
hag
haganini
schwartzy
putz
prick
schmuck

 

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