Tuesday, August 29, 2006

amy guth's book... spill!

so, have you bought amy's book, three fallen women, yet? what are you waiting for? a personal invitation? consider this, that!

amy guth is fabulous. funny. and one hell of a writer. she's also got a mascot for her book tour. it's hilar squared and most befitting.

with august coming to a close, the countdown to the september 10th interview has begun:::

amy guth, the wise crackin' feminist behind three fallen women

rent increase

mother fucker.

I got a notice in the mail from my slumlord today that he's raising my rent $100. a month. he also wants another $100 in security for his shitty whore in the wall dirt jungle.

I can't help but wonder if it's a ploy to get me to move because I pay my rent a few days late.

first of all... in my defense. and? this is a problem because?

I so don't want to move. + I am not signing another one-year lease and committing to residency in the city of contagious silicon for another mother fucking cock sucking year. I would rather give my ass an address and start charging rent to all the life sucking schmucks crawling all up inside it.

big menses fun

as I was installing another encyclopedia this afternoon, I decided to read the packaging. know what it said?

happy period

I can't remember the last time I said to my sister, "guess what day it is?!" and she gleefully shouted, "oh my god... you're menstruating. yay! happy period, katie girl"

like we should break out the cupcakes and candles, singing, "happy period to you. happy period to you. happy period dear katie. happy period to you."

where's my fucking gift? I'm bleeding. apparently it's an occasion. I want my fucking gift, hallways.

monday can kiss my fat jew ass

I started menstruating at 8pm. I was minding my own craving-free-business when all of a sudden, whoosh, I was menstruating! quite frankly, I'm a little pissed. where the fuck were the uncontrollable-reduced-to-tears, salt fantasies or the heart palpitating sugar cum dreams. where was the life sucking exhaustion?!

not a mood swing in sight. no rage. no crying. nothing. it was la-de-da - PERIOD!

what the fuck? am I the new face of pms?! is this the future of menses? cause I really need some fuckin' continuity in my life right now and I really don't feel like adapting to yet another major life change without any forewarning or discussion.

I had no encyclopedias. no gingerale. no salted tops. no painkillers. I was completely unprepared for the circus act to be in town. the sneak attack rags are always womb hostage cramp killers with those lovely random jolts of snatch pain that make your eyes water and your body go fetal.

other then that, it was an, eh, day. I didn't get as many things accomplished as I needed to. but, I did go on a bleach cleaning spree so satisfying it was of the goose bump variety. I am such a bleach spray cleaner whore. if I'm going to clean, I want germs dating back a hundred years and hopeful germs to come to be eradicated in a defiant bush hates liberals kind of way.


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