Katie Schwartz

marry tom cruise . it's shamefully hysterical.

my best friend is in town from ny. so great to see him. he was talkin' to a jew broad the other day from Longgg-Island and he said, "Katie, she was so Jewish ny, it was like talking to a bagel." is that hilar or is that hilar!!

I got a habit of leaving my car keys in the car unless I'm going home. I also never lock my car. I picked it up from my dad... but. I'm trying to remember to bring them. I'm kinda absentminded about some things.

ok, it's super clear to katie that she, me, is assed out of a critical vag gene. the bride and adjunct bridely things one. it's killin' me. my girlfriends keep asking me details about my sister's wedding. what are the colors? I don't know. what kind of flowers is she having? I don't know. what hotel is everyone staying at? I don't know. what's her dress look like? white. poofy. it's bad enough that when we go to bride stores and functions, I get anxiety attacks, hives on my wrists and can't stop sneezing. my best friend said, "honey, strap on your vagina, please, and spill." what kills me is that I'm a feminine chick. I'm not butchly, so what gives? if I ever got married, I think it would have to be an afterthought. But here’s the thing, I’m so excited for my sister. She’s the earth mother incarnate. oy such guilt.