Katie Schwartz

It does keep a girl regular. it sucks not to smoke.

I would never name the fruit of my loins, Kirby. what an odd name?! kirby - it sounds so, I eat like a bird and I have no appetite. kirby - it sounds short person kirby - someone who annunciates wayyyyy too much

if I retain ANYMORE mother fucking water, I swear to God, I'm going to float away with New Orleans. I just look at salt and start to swell. this is a bad jewey trait. we're water retainers. we can't help ourselves. fuck.

I am so fat right now it's not fucking funny. and, all I want to do is smoke lunch baskets filled with ciggys. omg. if I could, I would smoke myself into a fucking frenzy, and then I'd eat gobs and gobs of cupcakes and pizza. I would stuff my face with extra large pizzas all day!

now matter how much you may loathe and despise someone, sometimes you have to suck it up and take it for other reasons. I think that really sucks ass.

do you have ANY IDEA what it costs me to hoist my hooters???? 60 fucking bucks a pop! that's right. if I want to remotely minimize, which is a joke in and of itself, I have to shell out 60 bucks a pop! mother bitch, that sucks.

I have two bff's, Katie and Peter. I wrote about my bff peter, but peter says I made no mention of this. but in my archives, I did. I love peter. he's my bff and it pains me to no end thinking that he doesn't know this. he calls me fred. I call him sereena. it's a tight friendship. searching my archives for bff peter now :)

oh joy, lisa is back in full effect with a new creepy entry , but there are pictures, too, of mrs. garrett. she looks creeped out by the christian ocd, too.

I took louie to the ranch on saturday when i got my hur cut. and I brought a rope for him to play with and gave strongly worded instructions for him NOT TO PLAY BALL. welllllllllllllllllllll, they totally ignored what I said. he didn't play with the rope at all. do you know how I know? when they gave it back to me it had ZERO DROOL. and louie is a drooler. I'm hoppin! to the core, hoppin! mother.fucking.cock.sucking.mother.fucking.fuck.fucks.

I hosted a bachelorette soiree for my sister. We got her a giant black cock cake with a little note that read, "let's hope your man is this dark on the inside." Kerri's lesbian gal pals gave us an oral demonstration by eating air pussy. It was momentus. My sister is getting married this weekend -- oy. so, you know, I had to go shopping and get clothes. Yeah, that sucked really hard. I hate shopping. I hate being chuvvy. I hate. I hate. I hate. I am exercising my ass off every day this week and starving myself. Healthy Shmealthy. I hate most of the people I have to see this weekend. this weekend: white jew trash meets new york culture and arrogance lovely. whatever.