Katie Schwartz

This lovely asspalace cost a mere 1.2 million dollars. It's being built by Sim Jae-duck, chairman of the World Toilet Association . I had no idea that an actual toilet association existed. Oh, but it super does, complete with a delightful anal stimulating photo gallery . There's even a world toilet college . Just what I always wanted, an advanced degree in shit. Outside of fetishists, who would dream of becoming a shit erector? They even have a section dedicated to toilet entertainment . WTA must think we're shittards. Every savvy shitter I know fills their bathroom with the latest and greatest in shitware. Lucky us, they have games, too! Catch a shit and Toilet Trouble Quiz were topping my list until I discovered Bathroom Chemistry Quiz: Do you know what’s in your toilet? I digress, I'm a shittard. Hi. Keenly aware of all the anal mishigos that goes on in my porcelain goddess. Here are some excerpts from the article Mr Toilet Nears Completion of Commode-Shaped House...

My apartment manager and I are in the middle of a shit war. Without disclosing the contents of an essay about our shitistory (fear not, you'll be able to read it soon! As if, Schwartzy. Anywho), our shituation has escalated. After taking my toilet's hand in marriage without my consent, he came back to the scene of the crime to (wink-wink) check on who-the-fuck-remembers, so he could chat up a storm and shit himself into a frenzy. Ever since I denied him that porcelain privilege, I've noticed a faint, yet noticeable stench of anal wretchedness that no ass should legally be able to produce, just outside my bathroom window a few times a week. What should be a grassy area between my building and the building next door is a gassy area thanks to shitfucker. While sitting in my kitchen this afternoon, I caught him quietly skulking past me and towards my bathroom window. I ripped open the blinds and said, WHATRYA DOIN?! He was so stunned, he said, Oh, oh, oh, nada, nada-nada-pip...

I usually leave shitlogue to the goddess that is vocab because she does it so perfectly. however, what happened today in my porcelain goddess made me want to run from myself. recall, I am a vegetarian. I don't even know what happened. I haven't changed my diet. nothing out of the ordinary. same old agida as yesterday and the day before that. all's I know is that the corpse of some 16th century chauvinist crawled out of my ass this morning gasping for air and pleading for a second chance. ps: bethy nominated me for a rockin girl blogger award. I am so touched. I love that girl's blog and I adore her! this weekend I'm posting. I am. I am. I am. it requires thought, donchya know. you must read her post and also see the nominees. I was so flattehed to be in the company of such fuck-off-vulva power bloggers . lulu and beckeye nominated her. I can't find what they wrote about bethy's blog. argh. (ps) their blogs are fab. hit their reads.