Katie Schwartz

I am listening to the Goodbye Girl on the pod. One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies. The kid and Richard Dreyfus do it for me in that flickundra, not Marsha Mason. Should I write a puzzle? I didn't fall asleep until midnight and when I popped up at 2ish, I was in the middle of a nightmare about being trapped in a crossword puzzle. I really love being continent. When my grandmother had a prolapsed uterus, she became incontinent. Worrying about my uterus becoming an accessory is now in the top 25 on my "Worry To Do List". Have you seen the movie Superbad ? That was a continent killer... Get it? "I laughed so hard, I peed." If Ellen Arkin married Adam Barkin and they spawned a fruit named Harkin, the kid's name would be Harkin Arkin Barkin. I can see it. The name screams rehab ready. He's almost three quarters of the way with the acronym HAB. I started reading one of Wade Agnew's poetry books "Solace For A Starving Naked Alone ...

I would hate to have phone sex with someone I didn't know for fear they might have a heart attack during said p-sex. If I didn't know their address, what would I say, "Cough your address and I'll call 911?" There's no way I could just hang up and say, "Good luck ta'ya." If they died. Oy vey, the guilt would kill me. I suppose if it was post orgasm, it would diminish the guilt. I'm just speculating. Reaching? Semantics...

should I... 1. bang my head against a wall? 2. swallow a bottle of pills I can't pronounce? 3. masturbate to the sound of music? 4. thank god I'm not danny bonaduce? 5. make a cons list about sleeping? 6. pee on the floor while singing the national anthem? 7. fantasize about bush being impeached and escorted out of the oral office? 8. play my saxophone naked while eating squeeze cheese and crackers? 9. mercy fuck the homeless man who walked into my house that day. remember ? 10. bang my head against a door?

Insomnia. fuck. fuck. mother fuck.

the first true american drag queen, judy garland. and what is she hawking? pan-cake make-up. if that isn't the bees knees, I don't know what is. I would pay someone to sleep right now. actual dollars. if I thought throwing my head against a wall would help, I'd do that, too. I need sleep drugs. nah. I already have guilt, shame and neurosis. I don't really need another monkey on my back. though, it could be festive. it urks me when people don't email me back. I e-stalked one of my girlie friends back home a month ago and she hasn't e-stalked me back. maybe she's breaking up with me. after 25 years of friendship, I would expect more. oops, there I go with expectations. schwartzy, you know better than that. it's true. I do. for the love. please let me sleeeeeeep.

I have raging insomnia. I was horizontal for two hours and bupkas. I mean bup-kas. I am beyond exhausted. god forbid I fall asleep for 5 mother fucking cock sucking minutes. it's nerves. a busy brain. an overtired body. I'm shooting for a productive insomniac experience by writing. if I churn out shit, that's just wrong on every level. some people are such brilliant sleepers, so much so they do it for sport. why can't I be a sleep enthusiast? oh. those same people also wake up like a folgers ad. fuckers. sleep heeblette, sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. nope. still not tired. arghers.

update ... scrollllll dooooowwwn it's 2:30 in the morning and I can not sleep. I'm having some wicked ass insomnia. oompha. argh. hopefully I will fall asleep soon. I have such a busy sunday, too. no, I'm not going to a tent revival. I wasn't invited. mother fuckers. whatever happened to goodwill towards womankind?! speaking of zealots, I hit leewee's site today and found a re-post of a journal entry, circa 2005. haven's b-day, a modest proposal . it's a must read especially for parents or parents to be who want to encourage their daughters to look like hedonistic whores. it sooo makes me want to adopt a troubled teen I can exploit. should I go homeless or foreign? oy, such decisions. is anyone else worried by cbs's decision to fire imus or am I alone on that one? before you rip my head off and skull fuck me, let me explain. we all agree, the man is an asshole, an anti-semetic, racist, homophobic prick. he's vile. what he said about the rutgers tea...

I can't sleep. I tried. I hit the pillow and laid there. nothing. sometimes I hit it and I pass out with the same gusto as an anal train pullin' dame. not tonight though. I am consumed with worry. hate that. let's get random, shall we? maybe it will put me to sleep. anna nicole's funeral. pink rhinestone casket pashmina. that's a little under-whelming, isn't it? I was hoping for something much more dramatic. britney spears. on the lam from her overly pampered malibu "rehab" so she can pop by a friend's house for... clothing? does one think about jhushing while detox'ng? if so, I wonder if this joint is truly a sober centric destination or a glorified R&R for the-too-much-money-and-too-much-time, hot mess set . maybe she met a new white trash piece of ass that she wants to gussy up for. way to stay focused on your recovery, twitney. well, peeps, I'm off to make myself horizontal again to see what happens. sweet dreams...

Shalom beautiful babies, I’ve surpassed exhausted only to graduate into the likes of a 90s wannabe-SUV Subaru with a burgundy exterior and a beige cloth interior with that look-at-me-bitches bumper-to-bumper taupe trim piping. I am so ready to be horizontal, I can’t even tell you. I’ve slept maybe 10 hours total since Saturday. insomnia— moving— day yob… writing? I wish. I need more time to write. Argh. I’ve been experiencing an outpouring of words. love that, it’s very channeling via fingertips. I am craving more writing time, so you bet your sweet fat/thin/chuvvy ass I’ll make it! The move was great. new digs are fabulous. Will post pre-chach photos and post-chach photos once I figger out how to use my sister’s digi. I only shoot on a vinty 35MM. photography is the only area of my life I won’t go high tech. super dinosaur. Super stupid, I know. one casualty, a 50 cent vinty pink serving dish not worth anything more than I paid for it, but I loved it. I got the strangest email from a...