Wednesday, February 28, 2007

god, let's discuss

I shoulda been a lesbian. I would've been a fabulous harley-riding-femish-type-lesbian. I have a family who would've dragged me out of the closet knowing I was born to dine at the Y long before I would've known. my friends would've loved me just the same. I would've been one seriously lucky dyke.

I love women. I think we're amazing. I am in love with all of my girlfriends and tell them constantly. I experience more girl crushes in a week than most men have in a lifetime. I can hock with a beav for hours about nothing and everything. politics and pussy. literature and life. intellectual and emotional dish sessions (not creepy emotional, a la: white linen wearing freaks, sitting on the beach while the ocean water teases our intertwined legs). but, the real stuff. the grit.

it's not that I don't share the same depth or intensity with my boyfriends, male friends or my gay male friends. I do. but, women have a history that bonds us. deeply. women who love women know exaclty what I'm talking about.

the ahj? I don't want to fuck women. isn't that just so depressing!? to me it is. women come onto me, brazenly. beautiful, smart women. I can't find the desire to dine. I've tried! I even made out with a bird once. if men were half as assertive as the dames I've met, they'd hear me screaming, where do you want my ankles in antarctica so loudly, their igloos would shatter.

I couldn't have been ambisextrous?! would it have KILLED the big-g to throw me a bone, something I could work with? a woman who loves women as much as I do really should be a lesbian.

what is the world coming to?

the spring issue of girlistic magazine is live!

what's this issue of girlistic all about, feminism & technology. run. download. read.

bitch dishes her latest album. paula lerner follows aghan birds. emily brant starts a media revolution. spins a myspace yarn about eating disorders. technology and choice. sex advice from that fucking feminist ++ the second installation of my vagina and me, my next ex. oh, and so much more.

run. read. download. or, run. read.

and they say a cunt can't change it's spots!

it's true! I've noticed a big lack of cunt in my blog of late and just wanted to breathe life back into the blessed CUNT. cunt. cunt. cunt. cunt. cunt fit. cunt rage. cuntity cunt cunt cunt.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

high maintenance bitch

SEATTLE (Feb. 22) - A newly opened store catering to very pampered dogs, especially female dogs, is getting more than questioning looks for its name, High Maintenance Bitch.

am I the only one who thinks this is hysterical? is this a p.c. thing?

the upside of alcoholism

as it turns out, there really isn’t one. an upside, I mean. I understand and relate to the denial. in fact, I enjoy extended vacations there myself so who am I to judge. I can appreciate the lying to oneself. not to others, and yet to some degree, I can. the deception part I have difficulty with. I’m not deceptive. I can’t seem to relate to the blackout part either. though I can appreciate the perks. still, I can’t imagine eating my way out of a memory. I suppose it could be liberating.

ps: random enough fah ya?

Saturday, February 24, 2007

come hithah hottie chassid

today while driving along robertson, my sister and I saw the hottest hassid we'd ever seen in our lives. strapping. 30-something in a schneerson, black zoot suit coat, but religious proper, a tallis, peyos and true religion jeans, and I swear to god, our legs just gravitated open.

confession time: I date everything under the sun. but, I think hassidic men in groups are so sexy, I can't stand it. it's the only time the pull-a-train fantasy would surface.

this particular heeblette, well he just sent us both de-ranged. my vulva lips were twitching faster than a summer cricket, news?!?!

and now for.... fartkisaf

fartkisaf: friday's fears and reminder that katie is a freak.... but on saturdays.

1. I won't receive the two calls I'm expecting.

2. my neighbors can hear me sneeze in the mornings and hock me about closing my windows. hello, get a grip. ever heard of allergies? what about earplugs? are you new? this whole, must be silent to sleep, attitude really fuckin' pisses me off. if you're going to reside in a wannabe metropolis or real one, you have got to cope with sound. right? right!

3. endo boy next week. so not in the mood to get felt up and have blood drawn.

4. waiting on louie's blood work results. ok, we are mirroring each other a little too much. what does that say about me? yes, I know I'm a freak. I'm looking for something else.

5. my ocd about twist ties will continue.

virginity soap

I got an email this week from the writer of sand gets in my eyes. she wrote an article about virginity soap. you have got to read this! the author is an american living in saudi arabia. read her yarns. she's an interesting dame.

virginity soap is no joke, yo. it's a thriving enterprise. in many cultures, the blessed v is the only value a woman brings to her marriage and to her man. what I don't understand is why these cultures don't just roll out with clit-ectomies and g-ectomies. if she enjoys it, she's got to be a ho, you know?!

it's all very sad and tragic really. vadgeys come in all different shapes and sizes, some are grand canyon sized, equipped for echoes and all, while others are as tight as coin slots.

it also made me wonder if virginity soap is no different from kegel exercises or ben wa balls. the packaging and language is different but isn't the message the same?

she actually received letters from women condemning her post and advocating virginity soap.

the secret life of twist ties

this week I've been obsessing about twist ties. I've been wondering who sets out to become a twist tie-er. sure, it's a super factory-norma-rae-blue collar gig. but, don't you wonder if they have big twist tie pride? I do! I hope so. everything we buy with a plug or a cord is twist tied.

there are trade schools for twist ties, forums, articles, recruiters and an organization for dames, women in packaging. ok, packaging, but you can find sections dedicated to the art of the twist tie and the broads behind em'.

twist ties are big business, yo. I'm thoroughly fascinated by it.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

hate mail part II

remember that hate mail post a few weeks back from vd? she emailed me again. here's what she said:

Unfortunately I have been out of town.

I do understand what anti-Semitism is and people like you are the cause of it. Hate definitely breeds hate and from the looks of your blog you are one of the most hateful people I have come across in a long time. If you demean a religious figure such as Christ, you are striking out at all Christians, not just evangelicals.

she couldn't just call me fat?I forwarded her email to a few friends and to my parents. they were quite perplexed. you see, I've never been called hateful in my life. wait. could she be confusing me with the white power xanga blog ring?! DUMB ASS. I'm demeaning christ?! please... I got nothin' but respect for his philosophies and teachings. if anyone is demeaning him, it's the religious reich, abusing his good name and misinterpreting the foundation of what he stood for to suit your own damn purposes: censorship-inequality and injustice for all.

vagina confession

I love the song home to me, josh kelly. you have to download it at itunes. go for it, barbie! get your vadge on.

cable meat

I'm not the power slut I once was. it's far more interesting to be slutty and whoreish with one man that you're crazy about.

yes, it's true, I compartmentalize men. datebles are fiercely intelligent, make me laugh my ass off and floss. I don't have a physical type in that realm. meat for the week, well, keep reading...

when you're a single broad, you get hungry and you want a snack from time to time (meat for the week). I do so enjoy a hearty blue collar meal in workman's boots with calloused hands and thick forearms. a sweaty brow pretty much puts me over the edge.

ps: don't you go thinking I'm some tool belt chasing tessie now, cause I ain't.

my cable boy was definitely nosh worthy. the problem, he could not shut his fuckin' pie hole for five fuckin' minutes. he wasn't the sharpest sweetener in the bin, so he laughed at everything. his timing wasn't even off, it was just wildly inappropriate, which would've been turn off enough. but no, he couldn't stop himself. he took me through every single trade school escapade he'd had.

he got my box on, but left me dry as a bone.

bitch is back.... sorta

Shalom beautiful babies,

I’ve surpassed exhausted only to graduate into the likes of a 90s wannabe-SUV Subaru with a burgundy exterior and a beige cloth interior with that look-at-me-bitches bumper-to-bumper taupe trim piping.

I am so ready to be horizontal, I can’t even tell you. I’ve slept maybe 10 hours total since Saturday. insomnia— moving— day yob… writing? I wish. I need more time to write. Argh. I’ve been experiencing an outpouring of words. love that, it’s very channeling via fingertips. I am craving more writing time, so you bet your sweet fat/thin/chuvvy ass I’ll make it!

The move was great. new digs are fabulous. Will post pre-chach photos and post-chach photos once I figger out how to use my sister’s digi. I only shoot on a vinty 35MM. photography is the only area of my life I won’t go high tech. super dinosaur. Super stupid, I know. one casualty, a 50 cent vinty pink serving dish not worth anything more than I paid for it, but I loved it.

I got the strangest email from a fellow requesting a photo of the freak show lippy mess that is my cunt. Please, I don’t even want my gyno seeing my puss at the minute, so I ain’t sharing it. capisce! Coco’s cavernous taco isn’t enough for him?! she has lips for days. that’s gotta preoccupy a person for weeks.

I can report that my creepy neighbor has been entertaining many of the single hall crawlers. There’s a trio in the building that spend every fucking night flitting through the hallways, smoking in the alley racing in and out of each other’s apartments. it’s so college dorm. Did I mention that they’re in their 40s? they’re experiencing a renaissance, I get it. but, the cackling and, does he like-like me or like me? will he call? Did he call? Did you like get an invite to that party? You totally have to take me. I get my hair done at that like overly-priced-hair-salon, you so should too. so what, he drives a Mercedes. Have you met so-and-so? I will so totally introduce you. like OMG. OMG.

Not to be a dishy cunt rag, but what self respecting dame in her 40s wants to speak in severely non-age appropriate slang? Is that hot? There’s a HUGE DIFFERENCE between mocking age appropriate slang and competing with the tweeners of the world, yes? yes. yes?

Haglette stool watch is behind us, knock wood.

my apt now looks out onto the street, it’s very bright, airy and open. when my sister rolls up (notice the mock), or out of her apartment, she always shouts, KATIE. Of course I yell back, HEY, KER. HOW YOU DOIN? STOOP IN 20? Full conversations are had. The memories flooding back, I can’t even begin to tell you. it’s our little slice o’ east coast heaven. I figger we have at least another week or two before someone kvetches about the noise level. People are so sensiteevo out here. Dude! (mock again. pay attention).

So not in the mood to work today. would love a good nap. Waiting for cable. OMG. OMG. OMG (mock). I was ready to bend time warner over and fuck them up the ass with a Christmas tree on Saturday. I was hoppin like a frenzied crack whore in dire need of a fix. Those bitches were supposed to show up between 1 and 5. I called at noon to confirm. Hello! Internet access, television. come on, we all know the importance of this particular install. At 1:30, I get a message on my bb that THEY WERE HERE and I wasn’t. those wretched vileenas, I WAS HERE! Nobody fucking called or buzzed me. this phone was strapped to my pussy. I didn’t let it out of my site for 5 fucking minutes. FUNNY, everyone else managed to call and get through, sa how come they didn’t?!

Bunch o’ bitches.

They better show up today between (8-noon). It’s 8:30 and bupkas. Oy, the ahj, I’m telling you, girl. oooh. If they don’t, hell hath no fury like this snatch in need. THAT’S ALL’S I’M SAYIN’

Ps: our beloved and most poetic wp and my online bff has lost his g-ma. It’s very sad and he’s very blue. please go and send him a missive filled with love and support.

I’m off like a prom dress to stalk the building or hijack a time warner truck and drag his ass back to my house for an install.

Friday, February 16, 2007


there's diarrhea and then there's louierhea. I'm a slave to jewcifer's ass at the minute, which isn't ideal for schlepping and packing, lemme tell ya. poor kid. his ass is on fuego. he's graduated to the most odoriferous and colorful explosions.

he's jacked up on tylan powder, a fabulous organic ass-antibiotic. let's hope it kicks in sooner than later.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

valentines hearts

yo, look what I found, a valentines candy heart maker, by way of crionaberry, by way of jkeith.

look what I found! that is sooo sandbox 10.

happy vagina day!



moving saturday

shalom beautiful babies. I am moving on saturday. packing. schlepping. hocking. working. oy. in need of a blog fix. miss reading my blog-buds. expect me on sunday.

missing. loving. needing. wanting.

goodbye, please-

3-days in menses

my god, I am SERIOUSLY MENSTRUATING. I'm talkin' no joke bleeding, yo. it is a war zone betwixt heeblette's thighs. I sent in an army of pads and plugs. drugs for crampage and still no reprieve.

oy vey.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

c-punch and katie's letter to leewee

Dear LeeWee,

I know you don't know me personally, but I'm Katie's BFF. She TOTALLY lets me read all the letters she sends to you, and I dry her tears when you ignore her in return. Why are you so hard on her, LeeWee? She tries so hard to be your friend and you just turn a blind eye again and again. WHAT WOULD JESUS DO, LEEWEE? Ever ask yourself that?

leewee, the only reason I have the strength to write to you now and maintain my blog is because of cp's boundless generosity. I have gone through every virtual box of his kleenex. he has and continues to dry every single cyber tear of rejection. we are also very concerned about how anti-christian you're being. if jesus can throw a bone to a whoa, don't you think you can give a shout out to a jew? the man himself was a heeblette. that's something to get your prayer on about.

But I didn't mean to run on & on about Katie, fabulous as she is. (I heard she used to do herself up in the Blairsey hairstyle. So did I, but on me it looked more like the Blair Witch! HA HA HA!!!) Kristians like to laugh, don't they? :)

cp, I think we can tell her the truth. it'll be ok. last halloween, cp went as blair and I went as his lover, jo. I wore her signature tuff-girl leather jacket with matching leather motorcycle boots and a helmet. very butch. very hot. I mean hot, hot, HOT. cp was INSANELY SEXY! he had the most enviable long-blond-blair tresses and stilettos. he even managed to design a proper langley uniform. the skirt was a bit short. well, slutty really, BUT GOOD SLUTTY. you would've been so proud of us. we represented, yo!

Anyway Weezy, Katie and I just wanted to write to say "Hey Blairsey, what is the DEAL with this Mitt Romney running for President?" We're like "Omigod he's a MORMON! Ewwwwwwww!!!!!"

they don't believe in anything we stand for at all! are you as shocked and appalled as we are?

Celestial Underwear? (not be confused with adam and eve or adam and steve) I AM SURE!!!!! Weeza, in the name of JESUS we CANNOT LET THIS APOSTATE WIN! If we do, we can pretty much kiss the nation's spiritual integrity goodbye. I mean puuuuhleeease! Weeza, I just know you won't vote for someone who thinks there is more to the Holy Scriptures than just THE BIBLE!

the man has a point, girlfriend.

And what is with those other books they worship with?
The Pearl of Great Price? What kind of gay name is that for a bible, anyway? SPARE ME, I'M SURE!!!!

Anyhoo, Katie wants to say a few words now so I'll sign off. I'd type hearts & stuff if I could.

Love ya xxxxooooooooo,
ps: SWALCAKWS!!!!!

in closing, leepee, we really hope that you learned something today and that you begin to embody the true meaning of christianity.


and now for.... fartkisaf

fartkisaf: friday's fears and reminder that katie is a freak.... but on saturdays sunday this week because she's a forgetful bitch.

1. I know I'm just moving downstairs, but I have a lot to pack, organize and throw away. will I get it done in time? that's a rhetorical question.

2. a mixed bag of emotions. it's good, and peppered with that perfect dose of fear and neurosis we've all come to expect from sowlicious.

3. menses has begun as of 1PM today. all of my black pants are in the laundry or dry cleaners. I worry about leakage. it's a heavy flow this month. mind you, I'm grateful the egg's rollin'.

that's it for now. I'm trying to exercise restraint. you think it's easy? oy.

happy birthday daleiscious!

as bff cp noted, and with cupcakes, a big katie fave, it is one of our beloved and prolific blog buddies birthday today. schlep over to passion of the dale and wish our beloved bitch a happy birthday.

love, bitch

Saturday, February 10, 2007


I just happened upon some barbie photos the other day that I had to post because I'm a freak. fear not, she's not making a comeback on vey.

better late then never?

yesterday I got an email response from someone I emailed TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO. I didn't respond. not sure what to say. this morning, I got another email from him. again, not sure what to say.

see, here's the thing, not only do I have no idea what the fuck he's talking about, he thinks I'm someone else. I read the original correspondence. he included it in his e-stalk, so I find myself wondering how it is that he thinks I'm someone else.

I find this all deliciously amusing. you don't?

creepy preening

my creepy neighbor is just flaunting his creepiness now. he's escalated from a fat chick pantie sniffing nut bag to a full on meat fetishist. I feel like he preys on fat women with no self-esteem so he can convince them to eat beef jerky while riding his flesh bat.

lemme tell ya something, these ain't overly dramatic, inaccurate assessments. here's the scoop: juice and I were schlepping down the stairs and out pops creepy from his nest, toting a garbage bag.

expressing far too much enthusiasm he says, so, you ready for the big move? yeah. he glances at louie and says, he can finally go into retirement. how offensive. I'm not one of those, confront death head on, broads. retirement = death in my twisted irrational mind. my parents are not allowed to retire or age. whatever. don't judge.

so, I said, he's hardly retiring. he runs. he plays. he swims. he has a full life, he just can't go up the stairs. myob, dumb ass.

he throws out his trash. I throw louie in the car. I see him chatting up another neighbor girl. she says to him, how's THE BUSINESS coming along? briskly walking past her, he muffles, great. just great.

you know that's code. it was way too permissible voyeur. like, she photographs him putzing around from her apartment across the alley so they can re-group and mutually masturbate to the 8x11's strewn across his ikea plywood coffee table.

I ran into my buidink to chat up rubes, the fab apt mgr working on my new digs. I poke around. grab the keys and kibbitz a minute. you know how you do. as I'm heading out, CREEPY IS RIGHT THERE. I'm in the other wing. wtf?! ps: NOW he's schlepping to creep?! he wanted to know how the new digs were coming along. so he asks, can I check it out? I nodded yes on the outside, but on the inside, I was itching and burning like a yeast infection to check him for bugs.


Friday, February 09, 2007

hate mail

I got my first piece of hate mail today from a broad we will call vd. here is what she said:

You are one truly sad excuse for a human being. You can't be pro Jewish without being anti-Christian? I never really understood anti-Semitism until I ran into your blog.

my response was:

I am not anti-Christian at all. on the contrary. I’m anti-fundamentalism and anti-evangelical Christianity. They impose their agenda on “we the people”.

Taking governmental action to further their religious agenda in this country is a travesty of our democracy and it is unacceptable.

By the way, anti-Semitism is discrimination or prejudice against Jews, not Christians. You can look it up right here at

after reading said hate mail, my dear crionaberry said that what vd was saying is that now she hates jews. if that is so, I completely missed it. or I didn't want to see it. the very idea that I might've contributed to or created a jew hater isn't something so easy to digest. in fact it's downright nauseating.

I never really understood anti-Semitism until I ran into your blog keeps reverberating in my head and I can't let it go. not only has she completely misinterpreted the entire point of my christian posts, she's globalizing her disdain for ME. not anyone else, just ME, onto an already greatly comprised tribe. my tribe.

why would she do that? because she's an ignorant, kike hating dumb ass? there has to be more to it than that. or maybe that's just what I want to believe.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

so much for higher learning

you too can take college courses in cleaning toilets and learn the fine art of toilet hygiene from inside out.

whether it's a quarterly class or a semester class, isn't that too much time? how much toilet cleaning ground can you possibly cover? I wonder if you can easily adapt it to other cleaning art forms. way to give hungry minds something to aspire to! that's the spirit.

what's your kid studying?


proctology! ambitious.

no. hydro-toyology.

my favorite excerpts from the malaysia weighs college bathroom courses article are:

is meant to help Malaysia's public lavatories become as hygienic as those in countries such as Britain and Singapore, Deputy Housing and Local Government Minister Robert Lau was quoted as saying by Bernama news agency.

"Clean toilets cannot merely be judged by the eyes," Lau was quoted as saying. "This matter also involves the use of cleaning equipment, soap, fragrances and proper tissues."

Malaysia's government recently said it wanted to start a "toilet revolution" in a country where public restrooms have long nauseated citizens and tourists with their lack of basic items such as toilet paper, soap and sometimes even toilet seats.

toilet revolution? can't you just see his hands raised a la castro or saddy. oy vey.

ps:: this toilet yarn is so up guth goddess's alley. amers, take it away... flush and the land is ours. bathrooms from a book tour.

archie comics for sale

I am a serious archie comic book collecting whoreena. I have 2,000, dating all the way back to the beginning.

you wouldn't think that about me, wouldjya?

it's time we part ways and have closure, so who wants to buy my collection? do people read archies anymore? or have I just outed myself as a total fucking loser?!

ps: if I did, go me :)

anna nicole smith dead

not that anyone gives a shit what I think, but I do wonder if anna was whacked by the husband for the inheritance. isn't it all just too convenient and coincidental?

oh, I do so love a good conspiracy theory, especially if it's dripping in overly dramatic possibilities.

still, it's a sad thing this broad peeled. regardless of what you think of her, she had a hard life and now she's dead. or as the krazy kristians (cp-ism) say, she's home with her maker.

side note... is that where homemaker comes from?

new digs

I got that joint downstairs I was hockin' about last week. I'll post pictures. eh, who cahes. I'm glad I'm making the move. jewcifer will be thrilled not having to schlep up the stairs. plus, it's a great place. bigger. no rent increase. no move in costs. no new lease. everything is status-quo. I sent my slumlord thank you cookies. I really did appreciate it. it was a very menschy thing they did. it's also the perfect joint to sublet for six-month adventures back east.

who's a happy jew? huh?

food is not a lifestyle, katie

you know you have a problem with food when you wantonly open a cake box containing a mere sliver from the previous night. as you glance in lovingly, you greet the cake by saying, hi, sweet thing, how are you? how's it going? I missed you. thought a lot about you last night. did you think about me?

you penetrate the sliver of cake with your fork. feeling every layer plunging through. first the frosting. the cake. the filling. and more cake... mmmm. yeah. talk to me, baby.

you raise the fork to your welcoming mouth and engulf every morsel and finish it off with a final suck, so the frosting-filling-cake ratio is evenly dispersed.

I digress... food-is-not-NOT-a-lifestyle. but, apparently addiction is. go figure.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

creepy or kind?

as far as neighbor tales go, let's face it, I'm riddled with em'.

today, I got a note on my door from my neighbor that said,

if you and louie need help moving some stuff downstairs, feel free to knock.

menschy, right? really nice, thoughtful and kind. so, why did I get the creeps? how snatchy of me. here is a human being expressing kindness and goodwill towards womankind.

what the fuck is wrong with me that I could even think for a second, ok, creepy, thanks, but no thanks. then I realized why I thought that.
  1. yes. he's very nice to my dog whenever we run into him in the hallway.
  2. yes, we've exchanged pleasantries. you know how you do.
  3. no, we've never had a discussion.

how did he know I was moving? is he a tenant tracker? a chubby chaser? does he sniff fat chick panties? is he trying to fuck my dog? steal my dog? is he paying a fat girl karmic debt? is he trying to boost my credit card for itunes? what is the deal? why the sudden interest in helping sowlicious move? what's in it for him? there has to be something in it for him. you know it and I know it.

you appreciate my concern, right?

from what I know of him. he's really nice. very athletic, easy on the eyes, but come on, it's SO not sexsssual. I don't even want to fuck me right now. it's got to be something else. so, what is it? what's he after?

the fact that I even think all of that really bothers me on several if not all levels. am I so jaded and so far gone that I am mistaking kindness for creepiness? now that's creepy.

minister cured of homosexuality! it's a miracle

Minister Called 'Completely Heterosexual'

Peer Group Recommends Ted Haggard Move Out of Town

DENVER (Feb. 6) - One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual."

well, I'll be dipped in shit. praise be. he's recovered from cock suckage and pineage. I wonder, maybe I should do this, too. I have such a hankering for dick. the change could do me good.

Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev.

ok, let me get this straight. if I am recalling the original yarn, hags requested a massage and didn't realize the person giving him the massage was gay. he was also holding crystal meth for him, too. but had no intention of taking it (of course), and this non-gay, gay encounter was an isolated gay incident? WOW. I am loving the depths of this spin.

Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday's edition. "He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing." read more...

notice how situations is plural. shouldn't it be singular? remember, ralph mouth, hags only had one non-gay, gay experience. the shame of this paragraph is just perfectly brilliant.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

ok, point fucking blank

which one of you bitches removed my link!?!??!?! I know how to log onto technorati. you didn't think I'd find out? why did you break up with me? I always reciprocate. I'm not selfish. I read your blogs AND link to you! and, you stealthily break up with me? no forewarning. no advance notice. nothing. just CHOPPED like a piece a bad meat. gaaaaaaaaaaaaahd... tsk. tsk. tsk.

paris hilton is a racist...

so, niki hilton? paris hilton isn't a fan of shvartsas or fagellahs and admits it, proudly it seems. it's not enough that she's a debutante and an heiress? maybe she's just trying it on for size. or, maybe racism is the new black? it sure seems to be the "it" thing to do.

my favorite part of the video is when she calls girls like me, poor bitches who go to public school.

that paris hilton is such a nice person and so respectful! her parents raised her right! they must be so proud right now.

gay leaders urge paris to apologize. that's not enough. she should give money to aids research, lots and lots and lots of it and oodles to organizations that help gay teens forced to leave home because of their intolerant parents. how's that for starters!

where is jesse jackson? she should give more money than she can spend in her lifetime to inner city schools and after school programs.take it like a man, p-hilt.

here's the dish: HOLLYWOOD - Gay rights leaders in Los Angeles are calling on Paris Hilton to explain herself after making a series of anti-gay and racial slurs in a video that began circulating in cyberspace last week. read more...

ps: have you noticed how suuuuper ocd about this post I am. I can't stop updating and republishing. well, what do you expect, I'm a poor public school bitch.

Monday, February 05, 2007

ah, spring... an allergy sufferer's wet dream

the girlistic magazine spring edition is almost here. on march 1st, it will be available for downloading in pdfsky.

The March 2007 issue is themed on Feminism and Technology.

Find interesting articles on an array of topics relating to the theme, reviews of books like She's Such A Geek and Baghdad Burning II, interviews with amazing women including Paula Lerner, the latest in music and film, and Girlistic usuals like Brief Herstory Of..., The Omnipresent Feminist, My Vagina and Me, the Feminist Fun Page and so much more!

ps: the second installation of my vagina and me: my next ex, will be featured in girlistic.

if you missed my vagina and me: seeing eye to v and you're bored out of your skull and feel like wasting 5 minutes, click your ass on over to the essay. if you want to read kick ass articles and reviews, and support a fantastic feminist rag, click your ass on through to the winter edition of girlistic magazine now. right now.

ppss: listening to georgia on my mind-- is there a better way to ease the burden of insomnia? I think not.

pppsss:I could seriously ppss myself into a heated frenzy right about now. it's so passing-notes-in-fifth-grade.

and now for.... fartkisaf

between my schedule this past weekend and my focus on zealotinagate, I neglected to post friday's fears. I'm a whore.

fartkisaf: friday's fears and reminder that katie is a freak.... but on saturdays mondays.

1. I can't move into the downstairs apartment soon enough. watching louie brave the stairs is killing me.

2. halitosis. I floss twice a day, but I'm thinking of ramping it up to three times because I'm super phobic of hally.

3. another pop diva will remake mccarthur park and it will be an overly played, pop-tart topping phenomenom.

4. no good news this week.

FCC hears wrath of Senate Dems

hmm... something to ponder. yes, the democrats have control of congress, but is freedom of speech safe? check this out.

WASHINGTON -- Senate Democrats on Thursday pressured the five FCC commissioners to set programming requirements for broadcasters as part of the industry's mandate to operate in the public interest.

In the FCC's first appearance before the Senate Commerce Committee since the Democrats took control of Congress, the lawmakers weren't shy about voicing their objections to what appears on TV.

Sen. John Rockefeller, D-W.Va., called television a menu filled with "junk, sex and scandals." Rockefeller and other Democrats -- most notably Sens. Byron Dorgan of North Dakota and Frank Lautenberg of New Jersey -- complained that the FCC was abdicating its obligation to police the airwaves."

I think TV is in the worst state it's ever been in," Rockefeller said. "I'm convinced the FCC has abandoned its core responsibility." fcc hears wrath of senate dems cont...

porn and pancakes

bubs of ramshackle compound, another favorite blogger of mine, has posted the funniest article about porn and pancakes. his commentary is hysterical and smart. the topic itself is worth the read.

Sunday, February 04, 2007


I've been doing so much thinking since zealotina sleuthed me out and posted on my blog. her pseudonym of choice was anonymous. mine was, gratielady. like, grating on your nerves.

I've posted comments on christian blogs maybe two or three times. why didn't I exercise restraint? because I felt compelled to comment? I know better.

Each time I have, it’s been under a pseudonym to maintain my anonymity and avoid this very confrontation.

I write about things that are uncomfortable and insight reactions. I do hope to shift perspective and open people's minds, no doubt about it. (update) and, when I'm confronted, I meet those confrontations head-on. but, this blog, this particular confrontation, it’s going to start a war of words. the below is only going to fall on deaf ears, and sadly, no change will occur from this exchange, so I ask myself, what good will come from this and hope that someone proves me wrong.

I also don’t want to exercise intolerance. That’s not me. but, that is the crux of this issue. Below is a blanket statement about my political views and the overall subject of intolerance, which also speaks to much of what anonymous wrote. you will find what anonymous wrote below, unedited as per her request.

so, here goes.

my problem with fundamentalists is their complete and total lack of regard for choices that differ from their own. they want church and state merged. they want biblical law to dictate federal and state laws. I don’t understand their fervent level of intolerance because it seems to go against the very essence of Christianity.

yes, I have my causes: freedom of speech. equality for all humans under the constitution. Gay marriage. stem cell research. a woman's right to choice. socialized healthcare. Protecting immigration. safeguarding equal opportunity for minorities (which, by the way, calling non-whites and women minorities is so wrong on every level, I can't even tell you).

back to the issues at hand.

I don’t understand how homosexuals enjoying the same right to marriage that heterosexual Christians enjoy is an infringement on their freedoms. I fail to see how my abortion will impact the birth of their children. And, I cannot, for the life of me figure out why if we both have the same remote control, I can flip from Jan Crouch to Dexter, but they can’t find their way back to the way of the master. I’m flabbergasted as to why if we can stop the people we love from suffering through parkinsons, alzheimer’s, spinal chord injuries and possibly cancer, we wouldn’t want to do that.

why am I less American for not supporting the war when in fact my opposition is the most American thing I can do. it doesn’t mean I don’t support the soldiers, on the contrary. One of my best friends did a tour of iraq after graduating from westpoint.

I am disgusted with the bush administration. I find their actions deplorable. I am ashamed of them and the choices they’ve made for this country. That doesn’t make me anti-american and it doesn’t mean I don’t love this country because I do.

The great divide as I see it is that I don’t want to infringe on the christian lifestyle. They should live their lives as they see fit and make choices for their families that make sense for them. if they want to congregate and speak out against me for living my life my way, I accept that. It would be anti-american of me not to. If they don’t want to come to my plays, they don’t have to. If they don’t want to read my work or my blog, they shouldn’t. if they choose to birth a hundred babies, they should knock themselves out and UP until the cows come home. It is none of my damn business. it would be presumptuous and constitutionally sinful of me to exhibit intolerance against these choices. Yet, I am not granted the same level of acceptance or tolerance. Why?

I come from a long lineage of proud jews. judaism isn’t just a religion, it is very much a culture. How I celebrate the holidays and the frequency that I go to temple doesn’t make me any less or any more of a jew than any other jew. My relationship with god is very private and very real. How I worship and dish with god is not something I need to share with anyone or wear on my shirtsleeve as an affirmation of that relationship.

Even if I was religiously opposed to homosexuality, which I’m not, I wouldn’t impose my religious beliefs on a nation. I would not try to take government action against them.

My cousin is a lesbian. It’s upsetting to me that someone could compare her being born homosexual to being a pedophile, dope fiend or a shoe salesman. Nobody would choose to be a homosexual. It is something that is wired into their DNA just like zealotina was wired hetero. There is no gray area.

Treating homosexuals as second class citizens and discriminating against them, which is exactly what is happening by limiting their freedoms under the constitution is dangerous. What group will be discriminated against next? Interracial couples. Latinos who marry jews. People with blue eyes who impregnate people with brown eyes. Please explain to me how discriminating against, and eliminating equal rights from homosexuals isn’t traveling down a very treacherous path.

I don’t believe abortion is murder, it’s stopping a process. I believe every woman has the right to terminate her pregnancy. Abortion should be safe and legal for all women, including minors, in every state of the united states. There are so many young girls who get pregnant and can’t tell their parents. They get back alley abortions or kill themselves. far too many women die without the choice. And, if anyone thinks it’s an easy choice to make, they are sadly mistaken. It’s a painful, difficult decision to make that no woman enters into lightly.

There are many interpretations of the bible, both in the new and old testaments. The bible that I was raised on did not teach intolerance and did not describe or reference homosexuality in a negative light, much less a sin. The bible that zealot Christians read seems a hell of a lot different from the bible that moderate Christians read. In fact, not one of the new testament interpretations that I’ve read holds a candle to jesus’ actual philosophies. He was a humanitarian for god sakes. what the fundamentalists do in his name on a governmental level is a travesty and so not what he was about.

I would never back pedal. I meant to quote the constitution. It just so happens that one of my favorite, often repeated quotes is written in the declaration of independence and in my zeal to comment, I mistakenly quoted the DOI.

We live in a democracy and it’s not based on god’s law even if god-isms are peppered throughout the constitution and the declaration of independence. none of that means that federal and state laws should be governed by anyone’s interpretation of the bible.

I’m not a product of secular press, secular rhetoric or secular movements. I was educated abroad and in this country. I went to college and had the opportunity to study anything I wanted to, and did. I think of myself as a well-rounded person. I do not impose my views on others, personally or on a governmental level and I seek the same respect. You don’t get the privilege of deciding what’s appropriate for me. I do. you can’t tell me what to read, to write, or how to live my life. my choices do not infringe on your life choices in any way, shape or form. They are just different. No more. no less. Why can’t you accept that?

This is reminiscent of a disagreement I had with one of my now favorite bloggers who I wont mention because I don’t think she’d appreciate being dragged into this. It was a homeschooling debate. She homeschools her kids. From everything I had read, I was very opposed to homeschooling. We threw down, yo. But, I learned a lot from her and I respect her decision. She’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever read. Though I wouldn’t choose to homeschool my kids, I appreciate and respect her decision to do so. I also have a greater awareness about the concept itself, and the choice that she made. We found a middle ground.

but, here’s the difference, zealotina, we won’t. we will never see eye to eye because you will never accept mine and others choices. You will always seek to impose your views on a federal and state level. And, not a day in my life will go by when I can even fathom what that notion and drive to achieve that would feel like. To me, all of that is heartbreaking.


below are zealotina's comments exactly as she wrote them per her request

Dear Katie Schwartz, gratielady or whatever other non de plume you’re using today, I’ve read the other blog entry on the book, The Marketing of Evil, as well as your comments on her blog and have several comments and questions regarding your comments. Before I begin though, let me ask if you read the following note on her sidebar, “Please note: All original written material, photographs, recipes and tutorials on this blog are the sole property of the author and may not be used without express written permission.” I would point out that you have violated her rights by posting direct quotes from her blog (you seem to be quite the proponent of rights). There is no valid excuse for this, so don’t bother with a feeble answer.

Regarding her spelling of homosexual and other words in this fashion, h*m*s*xual. It keeps her website from popping up when those who are seeking porno or other aberrant websites run a web search. It’s a common practice by many who don’t want to attract any undue traffic.

Now lets move on to the subject of your response to her book review. I will list your comments in (( and )) for clarification. ((living in a democracy, which america "is" supposed to be)) America has never been a democracy. As the other woman pointed out, we live in a republic.

((you have the right to live your life by god's law and I have the right not to. a woman's reproductive rights, homosexuality & gay marriage, freedom of speech, your right to homeschool and my right to send my children to a public school, these are all fundamental aspects of a thriving democracy.)) As far as, “a woman's reproductive rights, homosexuality & gay marriage” being fundamental aspects, if by this you mean fundamental rights, I would have to disagree. Because they are laws does not mean that they are right. Keep in mind that slave ownership and the refusal of a woman’s right to vote were also once laws. That didn’t make them right. They may currently exist as a right, but that is still subject to change.

((one of the beautiful aspects of the constitution is freedom of religion. you have the right to be a christian. I have the right to be a jew.)) Question…..are you Jewish by birth or do you actually practice the Jewish faith? If you are only Jewish by birth then some of your secular remarks are understandable. If you practice the Jewish faith, then I see some glaring contradictions. How would you justify homosexual behavior when the Torah, specifically the book of Leviticus prohibits homosexuality? How would you justify abortion when God teaches in the Torah, this time in Exodus, that you shall not murder? Would you please clarify?

(( my religion and your religion should not govern this nation. laws should not be written based on god's law. they should be written based on the constitution.)) Do some research on our founding fathers and you’ll find that the majority of them based our Constitution as well as our laws upon the Ten Commandments. In fact you’ll find depictions of the Ten Commandments throughout the architecture of the House and Senate as well as other government buildings.

(( my best friend is gay. if we're all god's creatures, god in his infinite wisdom created him that way.)) Your logic here doesn’t make sense. If your friend was a pedophile, a dope fiend or a shoe salesman, it doesn’t mean that God made him that way. It was a choice that he/she made. You may be working off of the theory that gayness is genetic. It is no more genetic than the propensity to become a shoe salesman.

(( he should be entitled to the same freedoms that you and I are. he should be able to marry his lover. by doing so, he isn't infringing on our rights under the constitution.)) He is infringing upon our Constitutional rights. In this case we are talking about our state constitution, (I know that you do or did recently live in California) not the federal constitution. We, the people, spoke and voted on our state’s constitution. This constitution describes marriage as being between one man and one woman. You may disagree with it and want to change it, but until that happens, same-sex marriage is an infringement upon our state constitution.

(( have you read the declaration of independence? please read this, it's quite beautiful: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.")) Who created these equal men or endowed them with certain unalienable Rights? Their Creator (with a capital “C”). This is just one of numerous references to God in our government documents. (( that is the scripture that governs the united states of america and all I’m saying is that has to be respected.)) I shouldn’t need to tell you this, but…that is not scripture. It’s a portion of the Declaration of Independence.

((that’s something that zealot Christians forget and it’s very important to remember.)) What is a zealot Christian?? If you mean someone who follows their faith and seeks after the heart of God. Someone who walks their talk and seeks to help others in their walk with our Lord, then I guess you’ve described the other blogger pretty well.

((the separation of church and state is vital to this country's preservation.)) In short…There is no “separation of church and state” in the U.S. Constitution. This is the product of the ACLU pressing their secular progressive agenda through the court system. The first amendment of the U.S. Constitution states that the Federal government cannot establish a national religion and that the government cannot interfere with a person’s religious practices. If you’ll read through history (not today’s secular history books that remove all mention of religion) you’ll find numerous instances where our presidents have called for national days of prayer and fasting and national days of thanksgiving. The session of the House and Senate have nearly always and are even today, opened with prayer. God, the Creator, is mentioned in our Declaration of Independence and openly spoken of by Presidents and politicians since our nation was conceived. BTW…if you’re going to show your readers exactly what you posted on the other blog, at least quote yourself accurately.

Below is the actual quote from the other blog, followed by what you told your readers you said. ACTUAL QUOTE: “have you read the declaration of independence? please read this, it's quite beautiful: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

“ CONTRIVED QUOTE: “have you read the first amendment? please read it, it's quite beautiful: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances Were you trying to back-peddle on your use of the reference to “Creator?”

Friday, February 02, 2007

my argument w/zealotina

I got some kick ass, wicked responses to this post, including some scathing remarks from someone representing zealotina perhaps. ya gotta love the broad's moxie! I have NOT removed the post. I have re-saved it as a draft so that I can properly respond this weekend. she actually made some very ponder-able points. mind you 90% of them infuritated me as I obviously did the same. still... more to come.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

no distribution for hounddog

I'm still famished about this. (two weeks late, but not a dollah short). leave it to fucks news to report it as: no buyers for dakota fanning rape movie. here's a real article about it on the hollywood reporter blog. Catholic League Attacks Sundance Fanning Rape Film Hounddog.

this movie should have distribution. it's an important film. lots of hot sapphic sex. KIDDING. gahd. it's extremely uncomfortable subject matter. levity never killed anyone. it's a coping mechanism, donchya know.

thousands of children are being raped and molested in this country every day. if this movie invokes change or gives one kid the courage to speak up, isn't it worth it?

ya betchya sweet ass it is.


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