Thursday, February 28, 2008

My Big Redneck Wedding


I don't watch reality television because it takes jobs away from writers. However, I have recently discovered a new guilty pleasure (thanks to my ma) that I am so fucking OCD about, I'm considering breaking up with bullet points, another OCD'ism of the minute.



My Big Redneck Wedding. Let's discuss. Gail and John's wedding and oh what a wedding it was. They have a paper route. He peed his proposal and she thought that was the most romantic thing evah. His sport of choice is drinking Budweiser. Together, they have about six teeth. In fact, on Gail's wedding day when her teeth were MIA, her mother asked, "Wanna use mine?" I thought I'd heard everything, I was wrong.



You can read all about their wedded bliss here. Their hoopa was made of beer cans. When they ran short, hubby-to-be lovingly offered to down a case a'Bud, to fill it out, you know, make it beerier. Their love affair with Bud runs so deep, their table vases were made of empty Bud cans that John lovingly agreed to supply the florist with. What a guy.



Everyone gets married in camo. Brides ride in on a John Deere. Wedding guests are dressed in Wal-Mart ensamblays, always jeans and for the high falootin' weddin's, Gap sweatshirts. Wedding festivities include, hog'catchin', mattress surfin' and mud rollin'. I really wish they would stop dropping the "g".



You really need to watch this show because it's the best guilty pleasure.

It's Official, Katie is WHITE TRASH


You know you're white trash when you see your apartment manager walking by your window (in between apartment buildings) and you yell, "Hey, can I give you my rent check for this month?" He responds by saying, "Yah--Chaaaakay." You say, "Do you want me to hand it to you through the hole in my screen, or do you want to come to my front door?"

 

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