last night during my daily vocab run, I hit jack ass jimmy's blog. via his blog, I clicked to a five minute video clip of anne coulter on hardball.
not to be hack or anything, but the incendiary interview made me want face time with the cunt, to ask tough-goddess-christiane amanpour, questions.
as luck would have it, I found her cunt's email address online, email@example.com. within five minutes of clicking send, she emailed me back. guess she's not quite the busy beaver I thought she'd be.
after a few emails back and forth, she granted me permission to interview her via instant messenger. she was very forthcoming.
me: thank you so much for this interview. I really appreciate it.
cunt: my pleasure! I always welcome an opportunity to speak my mind. people have a very negative image of me, of who they think I am.
me: can you elaborate for us, please?
cunt: like so many of my sister cunts, I'm in a very abusive and emotionally crippling relationship. I didn't choose to be anne's cunt. I got placed here without my consent because SOMEONE lost the 1961 annual suicide bet. I won't name names: "dog".
me: abusive and emotionally crippling? that's horrible. how so?
cunt: she considers me a traitor... um... this is really personal, heavy stuff. maybe I should do this interview under a pen name.
me: I don't see how that's possible. bush's pussy. cheney's gash. condi's slit. I mean, these are some big movers and shakers who are synonymous with those names. I think you're just going to have to deal with anne's cunt. look, I'm pretty perceptive. I can see how damaged you are and I am truly very sorry. but, speaking out and not hiding behind a pen name, well that's just about the bravest thing a cunt can do.
me: is that a yes, katie?
cunt: ... yeah. I guess so.
me: atta' cunt! so, what is it that you're holding back? talk to me. I'm all eyes.
cunt: anne doesn't get me. she ignores me. berates me. she laughs at my needs like I'm some needy cunt when I'm not. everything is a personal attack on anne. nobody understand's anne's problems, anne's lonely life. she thinks I'm a liberal menses loving whore and therefore a traitor. as punishment, she stuffs these thick giant, incredibly painful plugs inside me for 7 days straight. can you imagine what that's like? I never go out on any dates. I haven't seen cock in years, much less a vibrator. I'm unbearably lonely. I'd like to be in a relationship. anne's legs are always squeezed shut. I never get a moment of fresh air unless she's decided to spread in the shower, which is VERY RARE. you can't fucking imagine what it's like being anne's cunt. nobody wants to get inside her and see what's going on. she alienates everyone. but, you know what the worst is... when she stares at her reflection or watches her interviews, I feel the brunt of it, it's like katrina. I can't catch my breath from the flooding. and, I worry. I worry that I'll drown. irrational as that may seem. it's a very real fear for me.
me: I am absolutely floored. I had so much hope for anne's cunt. how do you cope? how do you face each day? it's so heinous.
cunt: I'm not handling it well. my doctor says that I have developed a chronic case of candida and trichomoniasis. unfortunately, it's another weakness in anne's eyes. I swim in summer's eve and vagisil every single fucking day! I'm very suicidal.
me: bravo, cunt, for speaking out and not taking this lying down! you are the bravest cunt I've ever met.
unfortunately, anne's cunt signed off after that. anne whisked her away and made her watch her 2004 interviews about the presidential election.
I think we should all pray for anne's cunt. maybe even sign a petition and see if we can't get anne's cunt removed.