Thursday, September 28, 2006

my first burqa


1: did you know you can buy burqa's on ebay?
2: I'm torn between the above burqa and the wannabe kkk-ish burqa below.
3: why hasn't nike come up with a burqa?
4: how does a man know if he's attracted to a burqa beav?
5:are burqa's an aphrodisiac or a fetish in the middle east?

ps: it's a very cheap fashion statement.



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I'm menstruating


yes. it's true. the dams have broken and I am bleeding. my lips have parted for the red seas to flow.

I have the worst fucking cramps on the planet.

my vagina hurts.

my dog has a lump on his ankle and his shoulder. god willing, it's nothing.

I can't stop feeling myself up. it's almost breast cancer awareness month and I'm a ddd, so it's not a 10 minute thing. more like 10 hours.

I've had to cut myself off from my vibrator. paco and I were getting a little too close. I'm hoping for vibrator privileges when I can exercise restraint.

I'm a slut. this will be difficult.

do not forget to read the boobiethon post and to expose your beautiful boobies for breast cancer awareness this month!

mid day blow jobs


when I ran home for a quick nosh, my neighbor was giving someone a blowjob in her kitchen. food and sex. does it get any better?! but, she doesn't eat. she's trailing right behind nicole richie for anorexic of the year.

this neighbor is the cunt who tells me to stop sneezing all the time.

our kitchens overlook each other. whatever. she also leaves her window open. so, I walk in. I'm minding my own business and I hear:

take it. take it all. suck it. ooh. yeah. yeah! yeah!

I look out my window because I'm that person and I see her on her knees blowing a short, stout, suit. very boss-y like.

I grabbed an apple and proceed to sit at my kitchen table to watch. again, I'm that person.

all of a sudden, I hear her say, I kid you not:

YOU CAME IN MY MOUTH. THAT IS SO DISGUSTING. WHAT KIND OF GIRL DO YOU THINK I AM?!

you can't buy material this good. do you understand that?

he says to her, what? I mean, what? where did you ... what?

I could feel her rage.

he nodded his head her way and she guffawed with such hateful disdain and said, oh, I don't think so! I don't have time to shower and do my hair. we have to be back at work (pause) NOW!

then she says to him, she says, I'm never doing this again. you are such an asshole. I can't believe I work for you!

does it get any better than that?!

don't forget boobiethon! expose your beautiful boobies for breast cancer!

 

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