I think I know why I'm single. I've just epiphed.
1:: men who say, I want to make love to you, turn me off. if a man said that to me, I'd laugh. that's horrible. I am a vile hideous, shameful cow.
2:: the intro sentences, I need. you need to. I wish you would. can you just. I accept you and love you for you, but. we need to get you on a budget. yeah. epic. HUGE. major. serious relationship killers for katie.
3:: I can't date a musician. I won't. or, date anyone who says, I have a guitar. I play. what I really want to do is... music music. music.
there are more. they will pop into my head. I'm sure. I will post them. but, for now, I'm taking jewcifer out and then stepping out myself.
have a good weekend.
save our boobies:boobiethon.com
Saturday, September 30, 2006
I think I know why I'm single. I've just epiphed.
blow jobs cum shots: they picked up my mid-day blowjob post. I think I'm flattered.
did you know there's a website called, the history of masturbation? love a good dirty little secret. so sweet. I collect vintage sex books.
save our boobies:boobiethon.com
my kitchen floor needs to be swept and mopped. I'd rather have a rectal.
I'm in a very assy mood. have you noticed? I'm all about the ass right now.
the fact that I have to get my broom and my mop out makes me want to vomit. I have the strongest aversion to it. maybe I tripped over a mop in a past life or I was married to a sweeper who beat me.
like I have time to ponder past life mistakes?! I got enough of that to deal with in this life.
what a fuckin' day yesterday. my ass felt gang banged by every schmuck in town. I guess I had, will bottom for you all day, slapped on my forehead. would've LOVED a memo or some type of forwarning.
while we waited for jewcifer at the vet, my sister and I decided to grab a nosh. the stupidity of our waitress was epic, bordering brilliant.
me: may I have an iced tea mixed with lemonade, please?
waitress: what's that?
we squinted. hi. bewildered. me, I wanted to beat her with a stick.
kerri: it's a lemonade and ice tea in the same glass.
waitress: yeah, but what is it?
I wanted to say, you're not hot enough to be this stupid. if you want to be this fuckin' dumb, you stupid, cunt bitch whore, than you really need a makeover plan so you can catch a rich fellow!
but, I didn't.
when she brought our food, she said, "I brought extra silverware in case you needed it.
DUMB ASS, THERE ARE TWO OF US. elijah didn't rsvp and nobody else but you has been to our table.
gahd, why are people stupid?! it's not fair.
save our boobies:boobiethon.com
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 1:12 AM
Friday, September 29, 2006
my vagina and I got into a HUGE knock down drag out fight this morning.
I suspended her vibrator privileges a few days ago, so she decided to lead a revolt against me. she's threatening me with a yeast infection. what a snatch! so cunty sometimes, you know?
due to elevated horniness, she's been insatiable. it's becoming a problem. is it soo much to ask that she be a little sensitive to my needs?! I'm a very busy person. I don't have time to cater to her every moistened wish. I mean, gaahhhd. she can be so slutty sometimes, too. I'm so not like that. I'm far more reserved. I don't need it the way she does.
as always, I'm conflicted. I hate to censor her of course, or anyone else, but we have to learn to co-exist a bit better. donchya think? it can't always be about HER and HER needs.
when did vaginas corner the market on neediness?! *that isn't a fucking pun!*
save our boobies:boobiethon.com
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 4:31 PM
each week, into my brain pops new or existing fears to add to or expound on my rolodex of agida.
you think it's easy being a neurotic chubby jew broad? it ain't. it's a lot of time, work and preperation.
my fears this week...
1: I never want to be a sloppy menstruator. the kind of dame who let's ruby flow wherever she damn well pleases.
2: fingernail cancer.
3: running out of menstrual pain medication.
4: being fat with se's for the rest of my fuckin' life.
5: upcoming blood test results.
6: louie's ginormous lump on his shoulder and ankle -oy- this is the mamabootzah of ahj.
7: being stuck. you know what I mean.
8: becoming incontinent
9: my uterus dropping and crashing my vaginal canal right along with it. and, a total inability to then see my womb as the fabulous accessory it can be!
10: that the creative juices are being sucked out of my brain and heart forever!
the only upside to insomnia is blogging.
boobiethon.com: october is breast cancer awareness month. show your boobies for a cure!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 4:08 AM
1: I'm way more of a god than jesus was.
2: four more years! four more years!
3: suck it harder, rummy, for' I bitch slap your sweet ass.
4: oh, condi, you da best dirty little secret I never had.
save women's boobies! boobiethon.com
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 3:25 AM
show your titskeas for breast cancer awareness: bobbiethon!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 3:09 AM
Thursday, September 28, 2006
1: did you know you can buy burqa's on ebay?
2: I'm torn between the above burqa and the wannabe kkk-ish burqa below.
3: why hasn't nike come up with a burqa?
4: how does a man know if he's attracted to a burqa beav?
5:are burqa's an aphrodisiac or a fetish in the middle east?
ps: it's a very cheap fashion statement.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 10:54 PM
yes. it's true. the dams have broken and I am bleeding. my lips have parted for the red seas to flow.
I have the worst fucking cramps on the planet.
my vagina hurts.
my dog has a lump on his ankle and his shoulder. god willing, it's nothing.
I can't stop feeling myself up. it's almost breast cancer awareness month and I'm a ddd, so it's not a 10 minute thing. more like 10 hours.
I've had to cut myself off from my vibrator. paco and I were getting a little too close. I'm hoping for vibrator privileges when I can exercise restraint.
I'm a slut. this will be difficult.
do not forget to read the boobiethon post and to expose your beautiful boobies for breast cancer awareness this month!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 1:30 PM
when I ran home for a quick nosh, my neighbor was giving someone a blowjob in her kitchen. food and sex. does it get any better?! but, she doesn't eat. she's trailing right behind nicole richie for anorexic of the year.
this neighbor is the cunt who tells me to stop sneezing all the time.
our kitchens overlook each other. whatever. she also leaves her window open. so, I walk in. I'm minding my own business and I hear:
take it. take it all. suck it. ooh. yeah. yeah! yeah!
I look out my window because I'm that person and I see her on her knees blowing a short, stout, suit. very boss-y like.
I grabbed an apple and proceed to sit at my kitchen table to watch. again, I'm that person.
all of a sudden, I hear her say, I kid you not:
YOU CAME IN MY MOUTH. THAT IS SO DISGUSTING. WHAT KIND OF GIRL DO YOU THINK I AM?!
you can't buy material this good. do you understand that?
he says to her, what? I mean, what? where did you ... what?
I could feel her rage.
he nodded his head her way and she guffawed with such hateful disdain and said, oh, I don't think so! I don't have time to shower and do my hair. we have to be back at work (pause) NOW!
then she says to him, she says, I'm never doing this again. you are such an asshole. I can't believe I work for you!
does it get any better than that?!
don't forget boobiethon! expose your beautiful boobies for breast cancer!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 11:27 AM
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Do you think BoobieThon exploits women? On the contrary! The photographs submitted must be sent in by the individual in the images. Each woman chooses whether or not to submit to us, how she wishes to be portrayed in her photo(s), and just how much she is willing to bare. Rather than being objectified because we have breasts, it gives the women who submit the photos (and the men who view them) the power to say “if they’re worth looking at – they’re also worth saving!” We also take male photo entries. Males get, and die from, breast cancer each and every year. We are all about the equality. Lisa: Absolutely not! The women (and men) whose photos appear on BoobieThon.com all have submitted photos of their own free will. Exploitation is not our goal in any way. What is your ultimate goal with BoobieThon? The ultimate goal? To find a cure and never have to do this again! What is your history with breast cancer? I don’t have a personal history. However, this year is the first year I have disclosed that my husband lost his maternal grandmother to the disease when his mother was a little girl. He never got to meet her. There is every chance our children carry the gene. And a dear online friend, no bra required, lost her life to the illness on November 20th of last year, a month after the 2005 event. Another wonderful blogger, a day without rain, has seen her cancer return and spread aggressively since we started the Boobie-Thon. Each year of the Boobie-Thon’s existence, we have requested for donations to be made “in honorarium” of these two brave women bloggers if the donor so-chooses. It saddens me beyond words to have to change that request to “in memoriam” for one of them for the first time this year. Lisa: My husband and his mother tell stories about my husband's aunt. I never got to meet her. She died too young during a time when treatments were not as good as they are today. I have friends who have had encounters with breast cancer, whether in the form of a lump found during a routine breast exam, lumpectomies, even two who have had partial mastectomies. Something about knowing someone who's been there lit a fire under me. Maybe someday, I’ll be able to train and do a *three-day, but for this is one way I can do a little something for a cause I believe in. Lisa: I truly believe it's important for women who've dealt with this up close and personal to be able to show the world that it doesn't change the inside. I think we help if only just a little by posting photos sent to us from those women who've faced breast cancer and beat it. I think the biggest help comes from those brave women strong enough to submit those photos in the first place. Are women wiser and more educated today about breast cancer? Or are we still naïve about it? And, if we are, why, and what’s missing? How can we change this? Lisa: I think I'd have to defer to the experts as well. How many bloggers were involved last year? Last year we had 198 individuals who chose to be listed on our participant’s page. More submitted anonymously. Over 500 photos were submitted to just the “covered” photo gallery alone. This does not include photos submitted to the “uncovered” and male galleries. How many bloggers do you anticipate this year? I honestly can’t answer that question. Every year we are shocked at how quickly word of the Boobie-Thon spreads like wildfire. The number of online-bloggers increases dramatically each and every year. Not to mention with the growing popularity of new services like Flickr and Vox, there are even more online communities to link to the site now than ever before. Is this BoobieThon different from previous years? If it ain’t broke, why fix it? The “bloggers helping bloggers” charity changes each year. This year we are asking that the first $359 donated – the price of the original plane ticket that launched the reasoning behind the very first Boobie-Thon – go to Children’s Hospital Boston. Other than that, the only real changes are occurring behind the scenes (to help streamline the submission and donation processes, making life easier for the volunteers and coordinators). If I want to submit a photo, where do I submit? On the main page of boobiethon.com there will be a link to “submit a photo” with detailed instructions for doing so. Are there any photo restrictions that I should know about? Yes, and they are outlined in great detail on our photo-submissions page, including photo examples of submissions from years-past for a better idea of what we are looking for. Should I submit a full body shot? From the photo submissions page: “We'd like to kindly point out that this is called ‘The Boobie-Thon’. Although we certainly appreciate the enthusiasm, we're not here to compete with Playboy. Those sites are a credit card a dozen... October is breast cancer awareness month and we're all about the boobies here. Photos containing more than we've called for will be tastefully edited before appearing on the site.” Is my privacy protected? We strive to protect privacy at all costs. Donors and photo submitters all have the choice of having their real or online names and/or URLs linked, or remaining anonymous. And the participant’s page always lists photo submitters in random order, so that photos can not be matched with their owners. No identifying information (names, URLs, etc.) is allowed on photos submitted, and no faces are ever shown on the site. When will you begin accepting photo submissions? We are currently taking early photo submissions and will continue to do so from the official launch date of October 1st through the final day of the event on October 7th. More information can be found at boobiethon.com. If I want to donate money, what do I do? Check the site, BoobieThon.com on October 1st. There will be detailed directions on how – and where – to donate. We do not collect the donations ourselves. Rather, we refer donors directly to the online sites of our two charities where they can donate directly. We operate in a pledge-only capacity (and require a copy of an e-receipt, personal identifying information removed, in order to view the pay-section of the site). Is my donation tax deductible? Yes, because your donation goes directly to the charity and not to us, your donation will be tax-deductible according to the guidelines set by the individual charities. Anything else we need to know? Spill! The website main page at boobiethon.com will always remain text-only and worksafe. We update it continually throughout the event and even do a few promotions and contests for free pay-logins along the way. So it’s always best to check in often from October 1st – 7th. We even provide an XML feed and Google Calendar reminders to make this easier.
BoobieThon Begins Sunday, October 1st. Donate $$$! Submit your Beautiful Boobies and Save our Breasts!
Last week while blog hopping myself into a heated frenzy, I happened upon a very pink site, BoobieThon.com. Being a well hung dame with an, I love my breasts blog motif, it was love at first sight. So… I read. I clicked. And, I read and clicked some more.
2006 BoobieThon Press Release -> Bloggers bare all for breast cancer research
This year’s Fund Raising Goals -> We're requesting that in the spirit of the original Boobie-Thon, the first $359 donated this year go toward Children's Hospital Boston as the "bloggers helping bloggers" portion of the Boobie-Thon. We have selected this charity to honor Baby Samson, the son of the bloggers at snazzykat.com and minorthird.com. Samson was born on February 24, 2006, with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome a.k.a. HLHS. His parents have requested Children's Hospital as the recipient of donations in his honor. (You can find more on the history of the $359 donation here.)
The remainder of the proceeds raised will go directly to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, for the fifth straight year in a row. To date we have raised more than $24,000 for Komen alone since starting the Boobie-Thon in 2002.
I thought this is tits! Broads proudly baring their titskeas in artsy, creative ways and raising money to save them. Dames bravely showing the world their mastectomy scars to educate. Heal and save lives. Men stepping up for men, and women’s boobsicles. I’m in!
Boobie-Thon raises money each year during October, Breast Cancer Awareness month. Since inception, Boobie-Thon has raised over $24,000. 2006 promises to be their best year yet.
Unfortunately though, and not surprising, Boobie-Thon has taken one hell of a hit for the v-team, having been called, porn pushers and contributors to the exploitation of women. Why is this surprising in 2006? Well, think about it, since the reds elected a GINORMOUS BOOB into office, our beloved boobies have been on the Most Wanted list, both metaphorically and quite literally:
Bush Undermines Women’s Healthcare Security: Despite the known success of this program and its reputation for saving lives, the President has proposed a $1.4 million cut that will stop 4,000 women from benefiting from early detection. More…
President Would Cut Funding For Critical Healthcare Research: Funding for the National Cancer Institute at NIH would be $645 million less than FY 2003, and $213 million less than last year, after adjusting for inflation. That includes research into breast cancer, cervical cancer, brain cancer, colorectal cancer, liver cancer, lung cancer, ovarian cancer, prostate cancer, and uterine cancer. These funding cuts come on top of cuts to programs at the Centers for Disease Control for programs such as early cancer screenings, and prevention activities. According to the American Cancer Society, nearly 1,500 Americans die of cancer every day. More…
Bush’s new slogan should be, Killing one woman every 13 minutes, one breast at a time.
Until our government is willing to MAN UP, we need to support BoobieThon.com, and organizations that are dedicated to finding a cure for breast cancer.
I emailed Robyn Pollman, the founder, and her colleague, Lisa, the event coordinator, and asked them if they would let me do an interview. They graciously emailed me back and said that I could ask them anything.
Robyn, what gives, why BoobieThon?
Why not? Seriously though, a detailed history of the event can be found at, Boobie-Thon History.
Did you know when you started BoobieThon that you’d be facing a lot of opposition? If so, why’d you do it? if not, why’d you stick with it?
I assumed there would be some opposition, yes. Unfortunately in today’s culture it seems any time a woman is proud and unashamed of her body it can make her a target for criticism. Fortunately, as we’ve kept up with this event annually, the dollar amounts raised have started to speak for themselves. Coverage by mainstream-media has added even more legitimacy. However, we were recently criticized for doing this to be ‘fashionable’ on BlogHer, so for every step forward…
Lisa: I have been involved only for the past three years, but I've seen this event gain much more positive publicity than negative. I think one of the primary signs of a good fundraiser is that it brings people back year after year and takes on a life of its own. Boobie-Thon has been very successful in that aspect.
I think it’s very important for women who have battled, or who are currently battling, the disease to submit their photos if they’re at a place in their lives (and their fight) where they are comfortable in doing so. We are not a porn-site. What better reminder of exactly why we as volunteers – and photo-submitters and donors – are truly there?
As for the rest of this question, I honestly think it’s best answered by organizations such as the Susan G Komen Foundation. I don’t feel qualified to speculate.
Find out more about BoobieThon
Find out more about breast cancer education, prevention, diagnosis and treatment
Find out more about the Susan G. Komen Foundation
Find out more about the Three Day. Walk 60 miles in three-days, a fundraising event that raises millions of dollars each year.
Be a mensch! Get involved.
Do you think BoobieThon exploits women?
On the contrary! The photographs submitted must be sent in by the individual in the images. Each woman chooses whether or not to submit to us, how she wishes to be portrayed in her photo(s), and just how much she is willing to bare. Rather than being objectified because we have breasts, it gives the women who submit the photos (and the men who view them) the power to say “if they’re worth looking at – they’re also worth saving!” We also take male photo entries. Males get, and die from, breast cancer each and every year. We are all about the equality.
Lisa: Absolutely not! The women (and men) whose photos appear on BoobieThon.com all have submitted photos of their own free will. Exploitation is not our goal in any way.
What is your ultimate goal with BoobieThon?
The ultimate goal? To find a cure and never have to do this again!Lisa: Right now the "ultimate goal" is to get through the 8th of October this year and raise more money than we did last year. We're already well on our way to receiving more photos than we did by this time last year. We could always use more pics of pecs, though. Men get breast cancer too and this is one thing the Boobie-Thon strives to keep in mind.
What is your history with breast cancer?
I don’t have a personal history. However, this year is the first year I have disclosed that my husband lost his maternal grandmother to the disease when his mother was a little girl. He never got to meet her. There is every chance our children carry the gene.
And a dear online friend, no bra required, lost her life to the illness on November 20th of last year, a month after the 2005 event. Another wonderful blogger, a day without rain, has seen her cancer return and spread aggressively since we started the Boobie-Thon.
Each year of the Boobie-Thon’s existence, we have requested for donations to be made “in honorarium” of these two brave women bloggers if the donor so-chooses. It saddens me beyond words to have to change that request to “in memoriam” for one of them for the first time this year.
Lisa: My husband and his mother tell stories about my husband's aunt. I never got to meet her. She died too young during a time when treatments were not as good as they are today. I have friends who have had encounters with breast cancer, whether in the form of a lump found during a routine breast exam, lumpectomies, even two who have had partial mastectomies. Something about knowing someone who's been there lit a fire under me. Maybe someday, I’ll be able to train and do a *three-day, but for this is one way I can do a little something for a cause I believe in.Do you think it’s important for women with mastectomies to submit their photos? If so, why?
Lisa: I truly believe it's important for women who've dealt with this up close and personal to be able to show the world that it doesn't change the inside. I think we help if only just a little by posting photos sent to us from those women who've faced breast cancer and beat it. I think the biggest help comes from those brave women strong enough to submit those photos in the first place.
Are women wiser and more educated today about breast cancer? Or are we still naïve about it? And, if we are, why, and what’s missing? How can we change this?I think women are more educated to a certain extent, but statistics still show that over 13 million American women over the age of 40 have never even had a mammogram – be it for personal or financial reasons. Although mammograms are not a form of prevention, they are still the best hope for early detection.
Lisa: I think I'd have to defer to the experts as well.
How many bloggers were involved last year?
Last year we had 198 individuals who chose to be listed on our participant’s page. More submitted anonymously. Over 500 photos were submitted to just the “covered” photo gallery alone. This does not include photos submitted to the “uncovered” and male galleries.
How many bloggers do you anticipate this year?
I honestly can’t answer that question. Every year we are shocked at how quickly word of the Boobie-Thon spreads like wildfire. The number of online-bloggers increases dramatically each and every year. Not to mention with the growing popularity of new services like Flickr and Vox, there are even more online communities to link to the site now than ever before.
Is this BoobieThon different from previous years?
If it ain’t broke, why fix it? The “bloggers helping bloggers” charity changes each year. This year we are asking that the first $359 donated – the price of the original plane ticket that launched the reasoning behind the very first Boobie-Thon – go to Children’s Hospital Boston. Other than that, the only real changes are occurring behind the scenes (to help streamline the submission and donation processes, making life easier for the volunteers and coordinators).
If I want to submit a photo, where do I submit?
On the main page of boobiethon.com there will be a link to “submit a photo” with detailed instructions for doing so. Are there any photo restrictions that I should know about? Yes, and they are outlined in great detail on our photo-submissions page, including photo examples of submissions from years-past for a better idea of what we are looking for.
Should I submit a full body shot?
From the photo submissions page: “We'd like to kindly point out that this is called ‘The Boobie-Thon’. Although we certainly appreciate the enthusiasm, we're not here to compete with Playboy. Those sites are a credit card a dozen... October is breast cancer awareness month and we're all about the boobies here. Photos containing more than we've called for will be tastefully edited before appearing on the site.”
Is my privacy protected?
We strive to protect privacy at all costs. Donors and photo submitters all have the choice of having their real or online names and/or URLs linked, or remaining anonymous. And the participant’s page always lists photo submitters in random order, so that photos can not be matched with their owners. No identifying information (names, URLs, etc.) is allowed on photos submitted, and no faces are ever shown on the site.
When will you begin accepting photo submissions?
We are currently taking early photo submissions and will continue to do so from the official launch date of October 1st through the final day of the event on October 7th. More information can be found at boobiethon.com.
If I want to donate money, what do I do?
Check the site, BoobieThon.com on October 1st. There will be detailed directions on how – and where – to donate. We do not collect the donations ourselves. Rather, we refer donors directly to the online sites of our two charities where they can donate directly. We operate in a pledge-only capacity (and require a copy of an e-receipt, personal identifying information removed, in order to view the pay-section of the site).
Is my donation tax deductible?
Yes, because your donation goes directly to the charity and not to us, your donation will be tax-deductible according to the guidelines set by the individual charities.
Anything else we need to know? Spill!
The website main page at boobiethon.com will always remain text-only and worksafe. We update it continually throughout the event and even do a few promotions and contests for free pay-logins along the way. So it’s always best to check in often from October 1st – 7th. We even provide an XML feed and Google Calendar reminders to make this easier.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 6:57 AM
Sunday, September 24, 2006
my blog came up on some of the most curious and fabulous keywords this week:
bobbie applegate -> I looked him up. he makes more money than god playing catch and he's not fucking me, so what gives?
coco -> I did write about coco and ice-t, but I would think that chanel would come up way before fehatty's blog
guess who's cumming -> guess who's coming to dinner is one of my favorite movies. I wouldn't deface it. ok, that's a lie, but I didn't!
guthagogo -> this is just fabulous! the great, amy guth and author of, three fallen women!
katie cleavage -> I'm not showin' ya's my tits, so build a bridge and get over it. this is the gazillionth time it's come up. that's a big no. I love my boobsicles, but they ain't gettin' published on my blog.
katie schwartz -> search engines do really work!
my aunt plays with my cock all the time -> ok, you sick fuck. incest is a boundary. I'm so forlorn that my blog is coming up on an incest fantasy. oh, this jew is so blue.
yoplait crushed beetles -> good! I posted about an email response they sent, and the email they deleted!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 9:27 PM
so, I'm listening to, 38 special. you know the song. come on. guess. you know. I'll tell ya at the end if you don't.
yesterday, I was at one a' them there organic food stores with my sister. we were standing in line to buy fat. packaged in organic it's the perfect self-lie. a skinny blonde with a hight tight ass and the word CUNT plastered across her forehead was in front of us buying whole coconuts. who fucking eats whole coconuts anyway?! so, whole cunt checks out, but doesn't leave the checkout area. she doesn't want her dumb ass coconuts bagged either. she wants to carry them out so the WORLD CAN SEE WHAT A THIN PERSON EATS! WELL FUCK THAT WHOLE CUNT BITCH WHORE! her leather bag straps are draping over the atm/credit card machine so nobody else can use it. the clerk is checking us out and bagging our fat. and, what's whole cunt doing? observing our purchases and glancing at us contemptuously while TAKING HER RECEIPT AND FOLDING IT. but not just folding it, folding it into four perfectly aligned creased sections and then -- only then, placing it into a secret FUCK YOU WHORE compartment in her STUPID OVERPRICED WHOLE CUNT BAG. she grabs her coconuts and before spinning on her yoga, pilates for good measure, heels, she picks up some organic reader and starts reading WHILE SHE'S STILL ON LINE. HER SPAGHETTI STRAPS STILL ALL OVER THE FUCKING MACHINE! so, the clerk says to me, that'll be $15. I can't get to the machine without whole cunt thinking I'm trying to boost her shit, so I said, can I quick pay for this? she says, can I finish this article? in the spirit of not ripping her a new asshole, I glanced at the clerk so she could deal with it. and deal with it she did. it turned into a 16 act drama of epic proportions with a fleet of managers, but here's what is so funny! whole cunt comes in once a month to buy her freakshow coconuts and basically get thrown out on her ass so she can draw attention to herself. each time she throws a fit. and, each time she meets a new man. CLEARLY she needs a new plan. therapy and FOOD, because she can't seem to keep a man, and I can't FUCKIN PAY FOR MY FAT.
don't forget to wish mullet boy a happy birthday. any chicks up for giving a lil' head today are encouraged to drop him a line.
*hold on loosely
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 1:35 PM
Saturday, September 23, 2006
oy, how I hate inomnia.
it's the jewyear. it began yesterday. l'shona tova, my fellow heebels.
I have so much on mind. so many things weighing on me right now. I hate that detached from myself feeling. know what I mean? especially when it's combined with that lovely, gone-to-far-what-do-you-want, feeling.
wait a minute... was that a super chaotic-twitney-kfreak sentence?
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 7:35 AM
below is a bit of dish about the boobie-thon, straight from the nipple (fine. website. gahhhd) pay attention, chick-a-dees. read. click. submit.
"The fifth annual blogger "Boobie-Thon" launches on Sunday, October 1, 2006. It will run through 11:59 p.m. EDT on Saturday, October 7, 2006. This yearly event features bloggers showing their (covered and uncovered) breasts in order to raise money for charity during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. (Please click here for the 2005 site). Watch this space in the upcoming days for more information and updates, and also for how to submit your photograph!"
interview (likely) to follow next week with founder, robyn pollman and 2006's event coordinator, lisa.
will keep you looped ;).
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 6:46 AM
Yahoo Entertainment News 9/22
A majority of the nation's networks have told the Federal Communications Commission that its policy putting TV station owners at risk of huge fines for a slip of the tongue threatens to end live broadcast television.
In papers filed late Thursday at the FCC, Fox, CBS, NBC and Telemundo argued that the government policy already has forced TV writers and producers to alter scripts and has caused network affiliates to avoid airing controversial programs or broadcast them on late at night. ABC was expected to make a separate filing.
"The commission's sweeping departure from restraint in its approach to indecency has resulted in an unprecedented intrusion into the creative and editorial process and threatens to bring about the end of truly live broadcast television," the networks wrote. read the rest....
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 6:06 AM
Friday, September 22, 2006
today, while I was christian blog hopping for a change... (I know. shut the fuck up). I happened upon this doozy of a yarn and thought, what kind of a fuckin' moron is this broad?!
this is a proud christian republican dame who voted for bush!
here's the deal: en route to her bible belt state from some other freakish bible belt state, in her carry on bag, she packs a toy gun and spurs for the chuldrin. so, of course she was stopped during a security check in.
here is her story VERBATIM:
The conveyer belt on the x-ray machine stopped with my bag inside and the guy began squinting at the screen really close. He says "Hey Joe? Are spurs allowed?" (we'd bought some for the boys at Rawhide), and the guy goes "Yeah, we allow 'em" but just then I looked back at my husband and we both realized that in that same bag with the spurs was a little pink cap gun that we had bought for our daughter!
He said "We may have to destroy the weapon" I said "It's not a weapon! It's a pink cap gun with a holster and belt!"
Now, before I go further... Any sort of toy guns that are not entirely neon pink, green, orange, or yellow, are illegal to sell in my state. Out of state companies can't sell them to us and ship them here. When we find more realistic looking ones we buy as many as we can before the store get's caught. We now have a stash of about 16 six-shooters All of them are white and silver, I have never before seen a pink one which is why we bought it (at an outrageous price) for my daughter, to "smuggle" it back. So in answer to his question I squealed out "Noooooooo! It's PINK!!!" he just looked at me like I was in idiot I was afraid to tell him about our law in case he said I couldn't transport it into the state either!
IS THERE ANYTHING LEFT TO SAY?!?!?!?! THE GOD DAMNED MOTHER FUCKING JESUS-FREE SHAME OF IT!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 7:38 PM
mullet boy's birthday is sunday and he wants a saucy beav with a hot rack. he's accepting photos, but would welcome a face to penis if anyone is willing to schlep to louisville.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 7:26 PM
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
you need to see this. it's important. turn your sound up. don't hate me.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 8:37 PM
I have just fallen madly, deeply, wildly and completely in love with google. go to google. type in, asshole and click, feeling lucky. turn your sound up when you are redirected to film strip international.
it's official. I'm google's bitch.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 8:25 PM
it's almost 2 in the god damned mother fuckin' cock suckin' morning and what am I doing? working. I'm not getting to bed until 4 or 5. if my boss doesn't stop crawling so far up my fuckin' ass, I'm gonna charge him rent. he's got a god damned village touring my rectum with a few morons climbing through my intestines like it's mount fuckin' Everest.
I'm one jew, ok. that's it. I didn't part the seas and I don't even have split personalities. give a heeblette a break, you know?!
fuck me. fuck off. this sucks. I'm tired. not in the literal sense because I'm way too freaked out about my doctor's apt at 9:30 this morning, but I'd much rather be theoretically sleeping and horizontal.
my organic, hairy cunt sucking whore neighbor, ted, what a dick name, knocks on my door about an hour ago, wearing hemp shorts and no shirt. with his fuckin' unshaven pussy face goatee, in that grating, dry eyes voice, and says, can you please take your shoes off? I can hear you downstairs and I'm trying to sleep.
suck my ovaries, asshole!
then I slammed the door in his face and started laughing so hard, I couldn't breathe. I was doubled over, screaming. I could not stop laughing.
well, I guess I better go back to bottoming for my boss.
this is so fucking creepy. I googled the fab dry eyes comedian and look what the devil delivered:: I don't understand. he's a jewboy and funny like nobody's business. what the fuck?!
----->>>> CLICK THAT IMAGE
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 1:38 AM
Sunday, September 17, 2006
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLEO!!!!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 8:13 PM
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 7:59 PM
Man Jailed for 11 Years in Bizarre Divorce Saga
MEDIA, Pennsylvania (Sept. 16)
Barbara Jean Crowther Chadwick is now Bobbie Applegate - she made up the last name. in past interviews, she has described a home life controlled intensely by her husband, with rationed toilet paper (six sheets per bathroom visit) and sex (7:30 a.m., Tuesdays and Thursdays).
she should be grateful. he gave her six squares per visit. if she can contain her anal explosions to once a day, she can use up 90% of that day's squares and ration the other squares for peeing. what is so complicated here, people?!
he also didn't withhold the cock. he was putting out twice a week. I'm not sure if this accounts for foreplay, but I assume that if it doesn't, he'd be willing to compromise and allocate a good 15 minutes towards it.
it's all about negotiation, applegate. ps: does she thinks she bears a striking resemblance to c-app?
and, what is with that tattoo? could it be any rougher on the eyes?!
let go. move it along, people.
I'm done blogging today. I have that much to do and I'm putzin' around wayyy too much.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 3:32 PM
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 2:30 PM
you can call me a cunt all you want. you can. there are some people who will always be the forever undead. like, mickey rooney. he still has a pulse, and apparently an official website, too.
john wayne. sonny bono. buddy hackett. john denver. oh, wait. he hasn't peeled yet, right? raul julia. anne bancroft - goddess -
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 2:15 PM
it's hotter than a hooker's pussy outside. speaking of hookers. I love this... hookers support network. I'm serious.
I think hookers and sex workers should have health insurance plans provided by their pimps, production companies or clubs. why not?! who doesn't want a decent health plan? if I were a madame, all my girls would have insurance. it's the right thing to do!
I've emailed the hookers support network and requested an interview. I don't think I get that many working girl readers, but I would love to interview him. I wonder what he'll say...
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 1:51 PM
I've been desperate for Jesus since I was a little girl. The pastor laid his hands on me and prayed for me to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit and I immediately began to praise the Lord like I never had before. I was so excited. I felt so full of Jesus!
she's so insightful that blaire, isn't she?!
I think she's recounting her first sexual experience. sounds very full-body-orgasm.
I thought everybody was Baptist. My friends and relatives soon informed me that I had probably been inducted into a cult.
oh blaire, even us dirty jews? you thought we were baptist, too?
I hope I'm not boring you. If not, join me next time when I tell you about the church I attended after high school. I can't wait.
oh, I simply can't wait. my vulva lips are twitching like crickets in anticipation of more bible yarns from blaire.
one more thing, someone should really tell blaire that reenrolled isn't a word. I know it's super cunty of me to point that out after such a profound and moving journal entry. I so hate to ruin the moment, but I feel like it's something she really needs to know.
I'm also tagging blaire for a meme.
- did you lose your virginity to jesus?
- how old were you?
- was your hymen already broken from horseback riding (wink-wink)?
- did you bleed all over jesus' cock?
- did you cum?
- if you had an opportunity to alienate more countries on a global scale, which countries would they be?
- when someone isn't listening to you beating the word of god into them, what guilt methods do you use?
- how come you've never put together a hellhouse? it's super up your alley and could really help you terrify people, especially kids, right into jesus' arms. I really think you should consider it. just to be clear, not hollywood hellhouse. the real baptist hellhouse. I was in hollywood hellhouse and I can tell you it was a very hedonistic event.
- how come you married a fagellah?
- you wear the kitchiest printed theme outfits. I was wondering if you shop at the quacker factory on qvc.
well, I gotta go. I sure do hope you hit my blog and post a meme next week. we'd all love to know so much more about you, blaire. you're kind of mysterious and shy.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 11:41 AM
Friday, September 15, 2006
I love being a vagina. I think it rocks. but, if I happened to be a man, I would:
1: have my hand down my pants and play with my penis and balls all day.
2: stare at my cock all day long.
3: put my dick in everything.
4: show everyone my dick all the time.
5: watch men pee, so I could be the best stand up pee-er on the planet.
6: flash my dick.
7: run up to the top of hills and pee all the way down.
8: walk by a row of parked cars, take me dick out and pee on them.
9: I'd do cock tricks.
10: I'd make stupid dick jokes every fucking chance I got.
but, if I were that kind of man, I wouldn't be caught dead with myself because I'd hate myself. I'd so not be my type.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 9:59 AM
Thursday, September 14, 2006
I just got a comment from mesothelioma and I am FREAKING OUT that it's a sign that I have asbestos cancer and I'm going to die, which I am REALLY not in the mood for.
I have a doctor's appointment monday morning. full blood work up. fuckin bitch, man. is this a sign?
do I have one foot on the peel?!
I just emailed my sister. she'll know. she's the wolf. if her neck burns, I'm fucked.
what part of hypochondriac did you miss while cruising my blog, meso?! oy fuckin' vey.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 11:22 PM
I'm never cold and for some reason I'm all nips tonight. no, not in honor of survivor, dumb ass. I'm ovulating.
I can't sleep. but, I'm so fuckin' tired. deadlines. revisions. so NOT in the mood. the day job. fuck, man. it can really suck the creative juice right out of a girl's womb. --hmm. that's kind of an abortionee thing to say, isn't it?
oh well, you know what they say, an abortion a day keeps the christians away.
not in the bible belt of course, just on the east and west coasts.
I'm so annoyed for no particular reason. I have to be up at the crack of my ass. mother fucker.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 10:44 PM
Rage Over MySpace Photo Leads to Arrest
MESA, Ariz. (Sept. 14) -
A 22-year-old woman was arrested after authorities say she tried to hire someone to kill another woman whose photo appeared on her boyfriend's MySpace.com Web page.
Heather Michelle Kane was booked Tuesday for investigation of conspiracy to commit murder, Mesa Detective Jerry Gissel said.
She was arrested after she met an undercover Mesa police detective at a grocery store, gave the officer $400 and offered to pay an additional $100 once the woman had been killed, according to court records.
The records say Kane gave the undercover officer photographs taken from her boyfriend's social networking Web page of the woman she wanted killed. She also requested a photo of the woman's dead body.
It wasn't clear if the boyfriend and the targeted woman were romantically involved, Gissel said.
this bitch is giving cunts a bad name, you know! And, who the fuck does a hit for $500 measly bucks anyway?!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 4:49 PM
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
a cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
a dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
a dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 years.
a "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. a snail can sleep for 3 years.
butterflies taste with their feet.
if you are an average american, you will spend an average of six months waiting at red lights.
leonardo da vinci invented modern scissors.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 12:01 AM
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
"Limbaugh handicapped races in new Survivor series, suggested "African-American tribe" worst swimmers, Hispanics "will do things other people won't do"
I thought he was a deaf drug addict. what the fuck is he doing talking? click through to hear his racist sound byte.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 11:54 PM
my goodness, lindsey lohan's cunt has been busy. she's getting such a workout, this cunt.
I wonder where her mother's cunt is? Oh, I do so hope they make a guest appearance together. wouldn't that be wonderful?! two lohan cunts at once. something the world just doesn't see enough of.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 2:12 PM
blaire married a faggelah.
he's not a bottom.
for sure. no way.
he doesn't suck cock through a glory hole.
he never plays, altar boy horn.
he makes her cum all the time without saying, jesus.
he doesn't squirt mayo, vanilla frosting or whipped cream into his mouth wishing, hoping and praying it was jiz.
he's as straight as an arrow.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 2:00 PM
Sunday, September 10, 2006
forgive the lack of images. I am having an upload photo issue. blogger's being cunty.
If you haven’t heard of Amy Guth or read her, you will. She’s a dark, gritty writer with one hell of a point of view. A true woman’s woman. Fearless and talented. Smart and funny. So, of course her first novel, Three Fallen Women is being hailed by critics as a thought-provoking and gripping read. Gorgeously twisted, sexy and earnest. Touching and terrifying. Demented and ferociously dark.
So.... Here she is:: Amy Guth, The Wise Crackin’ Feminist behind, Three Fallen Women
If you want to know about Amy, just ask her. Anything. I did and here is what I learned:
1. Is there a woman in your family you admire? If so, who, and why?
All of them are pretty salt-of-the-earth, really. I've always felt a really special bond with my Aunt Gwen, though. She lives in a funky house in the woods and always let me run wild with my creativity and made me believe in the feasibility of nonsense and impossible things. She pointed out a lot of great books to me early on in my life, too. I can probably give her a lot of credit in terms of my voice as a writer.
2. I fear that feminism on any level is a "dying breed". Do you think there is any truth to that? If so, what kind of women are "we" raising? If not, what's your take on teen girls and college girls today?
I worry about that, too. I see girls, and I mean really young girls, who are sexualized so young and who carry this false sense of empowerment-- it's the "Girl Power" thinking that is so ridiculous because it crosses into this really dangers and terrible "men/boys are worthless so I'll just use them" vibe that is really frustrating. I don't hear a lot of dialogue going on about going out and making a badass life for ourselves, but I hear about gold diggers constantly, so it's frustrating.
3. What are your three favorite foods?
Only three? Potato anything-- potato curry, potato salad, fries, hash browns, those lebanese lemon-pomegranate-butter potato things, baked potatoes. I love steamed broccoli, too, isn't that weird? I love it. And, anyone that can whip up a good General Tso's tofu is a friend of mine.
4. What is your favorite television guilty pleasure?
Oh man. I love human train wrecks, but only from afar. So, crap like Celeb-reality shows and Cheaters-- it's terrible, but I get stuck on them and almost mesmerized by how fucking crazy and shallow and thoughtless people can be. Ohh, and CourtTV gross-out forensics shows, too. I think that sort of thing is just endlessly fascinating.
5. You refer to yourself as an anti-socialite, why is this?
It started as a nickname someone left in the comments section of my blog and it somehow stuck around. I like it fine enough, though. I mean, I think about the social climbing debutante crowd and, well, thanks but no thanks. So, I suppose it is a suitable title.
6. You write an ongoing column for Outcry Magazine called, eleutheromaniac, meaning, mad for freedom. Can you please explain your definition of being mad for freedom and the role it plays in your life and your work?
I go here a bit in Three Fallen Women, actually. I find disconnect and self-imposed slavery, if you will, endlessly interesting. Tragic, but interesting. I just think it's outrageous the amount of drama and nonsense and uproar people will manifest in their own lives to avoid dealing with themselves. Lately, I've been writing a bit about clutter and hyper-consumerism, and it's totally the same root issue. Why deal with yourself and sort yourself out when you can just fill every corner of your home with cheap, plastic crap, right? Bleh. I can't function like that. But, I know people who create all sorts of things like that-- roadblocks for themselves-- to avoid moving forward, professionally, emotionally, personally, romantically, financially. All sorts of ways.
7. What does a socio-feminist mean to you?
I started using that for a couple of reasons. Mostly because in this weird "girls rule boys drool" surface stuff we have going on a lot lately, a lot of people have lost sight of the fact that feminism means human equality, not destruction of men. So, tacking on "socio" sort of stirs questions, I think. But, also, it’s a bit literal. I write about things I see happening in the world that don't necessarily have anything to do with feminism or gender roles. I examine these issues, but how can I not process things through a feminist filter?
8. Who inspired you to write?
Music did and still does. A certain song might catch me on just the right day in just the right way and I'll put it on repeat and go. I wrote Three Fallen Women like that. One song, over and over for months, then a second song again and again for six weeks or so, then a third song for the polishing I did just before feeling good about sharing it.
9. Who are your favorite writers?
Tom Robbins is my favorite without a doubt. I read Skinny Legs and all and I thought my head would explode. I love Chuck Palahnuik, ad Johnathan Franzen, too. I read a lot, but I have been in a heavy non-fiction reading phase lately. It lights a lot more curiosity sparks in my head than fiction does, generally.
10. When did you know you wanted to work as a writer?
I had this little blue plastic typewriter when I was a little girl, I think my dad gave it to me, and I used to sit there and meticulously type out a little newspaper every week, so I think I've always been a writer. I just get my thoughts out best in writing.
11. Were you a writer for Second City?
I went through the Second City Training Center's Conservatory program for improv comedy and for sketch writing. I hooked up with improv groups around then and wrote with some, performed with some and wrote within the training center on a few shows.
12. What made you stop doing improv and comedy?
Nothing really. I took time off and stepped away and traveled and floated around to have the mental space to write because I needed to step away in order to construct all of that. My essay work is still largely humor based, just because I think you reach more people that way, and as for improv, I'm still open to the right situation. It's terribly fun and keeps me from shifting into "leave the writer alone" gear and staying there too long.
About Three Fallen Women:
13. Your book, three fallen women; the book those critics can't stop swooning over. Congratulations! That's first and foremost. What was the impetus for this book? The moment you finished writing the final page, the final sentence, the last word, how were you different from the day you first sat down to write it?
Thank you! It's all going really well and I've been having so much fun. I wrote Three Fallen Women at a time when I was seeing a few people around me unable or unwilling to enforce their personal boundaries in various ways. I think most of us learn this lesson through trial and error, sure, but suddenly I was noticing a lot of people who didn’t seem to have a grasp in that direction at all. The more I saw this, the more I started noticing things people were enslaved to. Food, pain, drama, clutter, money, misery, people, rotten partners—it was everywhere! So, I ended up writing a lot about the freedom that comes from setting boundaries and practicing self-reliance and ended up doing it through the mouthpiece of these characters. As for finishing it up, I felt-- I don't know if this even makes sense-- I felt whole in the way that you feel when you clean off your desk before starting a big project. I just felt relieved to have gotten it all out and ready for the next phase of it.
14. How long did it take you to get, Three Fallen Women written?
I banged it all out in about six months, but it took me another eighteen months to be happy with it and stop playing around with it and moving things around and rewriting before I started putting it out into the world.
15. How long did it take you to get, Three Fallen Women sold?
Not long at all once I was ready to let it go and put it out there. That's the thing; a lot of people have asked me how to be a writer. I mean, that's so loaded! Writing isn’t necessarily enjoyable, its more something you have to do. The other half of being a writer is to get your writing out into the world. I know some wonderful but frustrated writers who just aren't ready to put it out there, unfortunately.
16. What is, Three Fallen Women about?
It's about three women, none of them connected other than thematically, who has all reached very dire situations-- addiction/recovery, sexuality, an abusive partner, personal identity-- and are just trying to figure out the next step.
17. What do you want women to take from this book? What do you want readers in general to take from this book?
It's funny, because everyone who reads it thinks it is about something a little different. I feel like it is about boundaries and crossroads and the extreme situations that arise from not asserting and enforcing your boundaries. But, some people think it's about identify crisis, others think it's about gender identity, so I feel like it has the ability to be a very personal book in that way. Maybe readers will take from the book what is on their own radar at the time.
19. Will there be a sequel to three fallen women?
Probably not, but never say never. I actually did leave a lot of loose ends with minor characters, so I have thought about connecting minor characters to major characters in other novels. I think it'll be a matter of wait and see.
20. What are you working on now?
I've already started my next novel. It's coming alarmingly fast and I really found my footing in it right away, which felt good and comforting to return to after being in writerly business/editorial mode for the past few months. I recently heard writing described as a disease and find that so fitting. This affliction wakes you up in the middle of the night (Pretty often in my case) and makes you preoccupied as you go about your day and exists as a must and not an option at all. It feels sometimes like I can't do anything else when I deny myself that outlet. Sorry, that was a tangent. I'm working on the next manuscript and fucking loving it, that's for sure, and putting out the regular essay work, I think with an eye of forming some new working relationships.
21. how does living in Chicago inspire your writing?
I've lived all over the place. I find Chicago to be very diverse and livable and accessible. I moved to Chicago from New York City in about five years ago and really enjoy it. It's urban and stimulating and offers intellectual stimulation and multi-culturalism and a low-key kind of lifestyle, in comparison, that suits me well, I think.
Getting Dishy with Amy:
1. If you've read my Blog, you know that I'm a huge fan of the word, "cunt." what do you think about this word?
I love the word "cunt" and use it often, sometimes in conjunction with other words to make new new terms, like "cunt rag" and "cunting whore". I think any word only holds the charge you give it, or take from it, so I'm all for using the word "cunt". Totally.
2. Women like Anne Coulter and Laura Schlessinger give vaginas a bad name. they don't seem to understand that the women's movement, something they vehemently oppose is the very reason their voices can be heard. What do you think about that? Also, about Anne and Laura's impact on women today?
Oy, those two. You know it's this thing that always gets me. CONstructive versus DEstructive. And both of them are so destructive in their words and actions and that's just a lot of negativity to sling around much less carry around. I just feel like it's easier to be positive and support the people you feel are doing positive things in the world rather than just trying to block people who do things differently. It's frustrating. I worry about that kind of thing impacting people negatively because people are so bandwagonish and so into sound bites these days, which I find totally absurd. We have more access to research now than ever, ever before and it seems like we give a shit about fact-checking and thinking about the whole issue less and less when it would be so easy to do a little research and be able to wrap your head around something and have time to consider it. Bandwagonism makes me really crazy.
1) If I want you to sign my book, where can I catch you in the next few weeks?
Check the events page on guthagogo.com. I'm always updating it as events come in. The Reading Grounds in Omaha. The Omaha Lit Fest and Vegetarian Eats In A Bratwurst Town in Chicago are the next stops coming up.
2) Is there a quote you live by, and if so, what is it?
I go with the Cure's "Just Say Yes" lately, because I think it's easier and more interesting to be open to things as they pop up instead of resisting and being inflexible. Just say yes. Yeah.
Amy Guth's Blog
Amy Guth's Website
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 8:19 AM
who knew being a cum guzzling whore could save a girl from breast cancer?!
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 2:36 AM
Saturday, September 09, 2006
I'm listening to blue... joni mitchell
I love joni mitchell. she makes everything right in the world. writers block. agida. a suck ass day. insomnia. anger. sorrow. joy.
nervous energy. can't sleep. can't crack a decent thought. hate my fat. so over the thyroid 30+. if I felt any uglier. if my hair were any thyroid dryer. if my reflection were any more alien. I swear to god, I'd explode or will actually, literally and figuratively.
waiting for joni to kick in. until she does, let's be cunty.
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (Sept. 8) - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger apologized Friday for saying during a closed-door meeting that Cubans and Puerto Ricans are naturally feisty and temperamental because of their combination of "black blood" and "Latino blood."
schnatzinegger is so disgusting. what about dominicans? they aren't naturally feisty? I'm sure if you cruise some history books, you can find some black/latino blood coarsing through their veins.
what about my people? you usually spread joyous hate our way. why did you leave us out? is it the flat wide ass syndrome? it's not contagious, bitch. you ain't gonna catch it.
don't worry! smel gibson hasn't taken the fun out of jewhating. I'm sure you can come up with something if you put your staffers and antisemite siblings to work.
He said the tape-recorded comments "made me cringe" when he read them in Friday's Los Angeles Times.
I think he means to say, the aclu calling him a racist nazi fuck made him cringe.
in other news.... brad spit checks his balls at the door:
"Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able," the actor tells Esquire magazine for its October issue.
will the coat check gal who has brad's balls please get them back to him?!
what bothers me about this is that it's so kabbalah in a box on sale at sax. it's not like he believes it or means it.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 2:34 AM
Thursday, September 07, 2006
louie and I go to the park two to three times a day. love to play catch with the kid. so much fun. anywho there is this older broad; you know, the stoic silent type. she always shows up after 4 pm with her giant beige dane. I feel like she rapes him; has inapropriate sexual relations with him. it's the way she dotes on him. looks at him. steers him away from his would be friends. it's so canineophile. totally creeps me out. like he's going to share her dirty little secret with the world. I'm sure if he and jewcifer had 5 minutes to dish, oh could daney spin a yarn. and it's not like louie keeps secrets from me. he'd spill. I'd call the heat. the fuzz. the flat feet and she'd be locked up... in solitary of course. main population could get her whacked.
I'm ovulating. I also won't be blogging this weekend unfortunately. monday deadline. this will be my last post until monday. pine. please. love pineage. I will pine too. we'll pine together. I'm pining now.
have a great weekend. sleep. fuck. eat. repeat.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 10:34 PM
I just realized something... my jewergies are a serious occupational hazzard. I fear I am devolving into a seasonal cocksucker. could it be? I can't give someone a sneezejob. believe me... I would know. if I can't breathe through my nose, I can hardly suck a bagel through an asian man's cock. so what the fuck is a whore like me supposed to do?!
I think I'm forlorn.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 10:26 PM
isn't that soooo sweet! I have a tear in my eye and joy in my heart! wikicunt
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 9:33 PM
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 9:22 PM
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 9:08 PM
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
people out here have such a hard on for their cars. like it's the most important introduction to who they are. the only thing that matters.
I actually have neighbors who own ridiculously expensive cars and live in tiny little boxes that they rent. I ask, why are you bothering? save ya money and buy something! what kind of a schmuck who doesn't have more money then god would spend twice their rent on a car?!
I said a horrible thing today. I want to feel guilty about it. I really do. but, I'm having trouble getting there, which has NEVER happened to me before. there was a broad in a shiny new 450K mercedes (pause on mercedes for a minute. I looked up the car and it really is 450K. can I just say for the record that if I'm going to buy something for 450K, especially a car, it better have a sybian seat that heats up and makes me cum... A LOT. it better have a whirling dervish of tongues that can dine at the Y like nobody's fuckin' business. it better drive for me. serve me cocktails and feed me hot, scrumptuous fat free three course meals. dispense cash and take my calls.) back to the broad behind the wheel. she had an extraordinary face lift. I mean it was truly magnificent. I can't even imagine what it cost her emotionally, physically or financially. so, get this, cunteena didn't feel like stopping at the stop sign. she just kept rolling on through it and was about to cut me off, but paused .... with attitude. I had my dog, louie in the car. you want to hit me, fine. my hellnine, oh, will you regret it. I says to the cunt, I says:
"oh, honey, after you. god forbid you emote. I simply couldn't be responsible for you spending another penny on that tight new face of yours."
one of my neighbors left a note on my car that said, can you please stop parallel parking by bumping into my bumper?!
ok, let's recap, "can I please stop BUMPING into his BUMPER?" hmm. bumper. bump. bumper. bump. fuck him and his stupid cockextenda on four wheels. build a bridge and get over it, missy! my god, it's a CAR. how else am I supposed to park? by paying attention? fuck you! all a yous.
I'm going to make myself horizontal now and hope that I actually sleeeeep.
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 9:42 PM
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
I have nothing to blog about.
I've been sneezing for days. it's extremely unattractive.
I got freaked out by a christian today.
the mayor of my block bought a new mercedes and has decided to go with a white nautical clothing theme.
I'm ovulating next week.
I have to speak at my best friend's wedding in 7 weeks.
I have nothing to wear.
I'm forlorn about a certain something. cryptic enough?
I'm thinking that when I reincarnate, I'd like to come back as a black man with a freakish 12 inch cock. at least then I'd have a better shot at being considered a porn star.
I'm tired. but not sleepy tired.
I have so much to do and there isn't enough time in the day to do it all.
I feel like a suburau: ugly. beaten up and hung out to dry.
I got a marriage proposal today via email ;0
Posted by Katie Schwartz at 9:55 PM