Katie Schwartz

my sister is getting married in 7 weeks. my parents are severly divorced. there's a dress... a good one. I gotta stop eating. anxiety. It's a killer, ain't it?! valium. Yes, I think I'll roll out with that. although, is that really the best situation to take valium for the first time? I wrote something for my sister that I have to read. I have the worst stage fright. Talking in front of people freaks me out. God knows how I read my essays in front of people. Oh, that's right, I vomit first. I'm not a drinker. I'm the only jew in the family who doesn't really drink. I need a new keyboard. My keys are sticking. I hate this laptop. my best friend, Katie is going to be there, but my other best friend, Izzy isn't. he has a prior engagement that he can't get out of. I have a funny, great family. still. My parents are severly divorced. But so fun to hang out with. my three brothers are coming too. great guys. Ben is selling ad space on his forehead to a...

I found a spider the size of my face in my apartment three days ago. The bug made me feel fat, dirty, cheap and poor. He was gargantuan. I put a garbage can over it in the hopes of suffocating it. I felt like such a killer, but I had to make a decision. It was either me or the bug. Were my actions premeditated? Unfortunately there was no time to ponder and reflect. A few hours later, with a bag in one hand and a handful of paper towels in the other, I was ready to remove the can and find out if my plan worked. It did. He was lying on his back in the fetal position. I felt guilty, which quickly dissolved into nausea, and fear because now I had to remove the evidence. After several failed attempts with my roll of paper towels and garbage bags, I decided to sweep the bug into a dust pan. But as I went to do that, the idea of bug carcass on my broom flipped me out big time. I had to go back to my paper towel plan. I thought if I grabbed a leg using 50 paper towels then I wouldn’t feel the ...

looks like a cabbage patch kid. agreed?

smoking, I had this insatiable desire to compulsively lift things, not steal, just lift. There is a difference you know.

I wonder why people say anal and retentive together as a phrase. Does it come from an ass reflex that I’m unaware of? I wonder who came up with the phrase and the origin.

never sneeze in front of a fan.