Monday, January 23, 2006

you know you're crazy when...

You say to a complete stranger, "I'm Anastasia Beaverhausen. The Romanov's control the weather so when they tried to assasinate me last winter we had more natural disasters then we've ever had."

bo duke's dick lips

It has to be said; we know it’s true. We’ve all seen it, Bo Duke’s dick lips and Daisy Duke’s nylon driven short, short lips. We’ve cocked our heads to the side and pondered the pervasive cavernous, could fill an east LA taco, lips. Meanwhile, Bo’s duly omnipresent split sack conveniently located betwixt his legs and the from behind seam riding higher than FCC censorship fines, up his, “how very bottom of you,” ass.

I have been watching The Dukes of Hazzard of late. I think it’s a culmination of shock and awe really. The dialogue is fascinating. In every episode, with utter seriousness, Luke Duke declares, “I heard that, Bo.” Daisy Duke always wails, “Luke Duke, I’m surprised at you,” And of course Uncle Jesse on the CB in that old school dulcet southern twang, “Shepard to lost sheep, Shepard to lost sheep. Come in lost sheep.”

Are the Duke boys’ ever truly lost sheep? Boss Hog never misses his nasally mark, “I will get them Dukes” and Roscoe is really on it when it comes to guttural dimwitted rantings. I am equally mesmerized by the continuous “Hee-haw’s,” but only when the General Lee catches air, or is soon to begin a dirt road car chase. Were they always written into the script, or did they become actor’s choices? I also couldn’t help but notice that there are only two storylines: Jesse being swindled out of his farm and them Duke boys for buying, holding, or selling shine.

I think what’s really got my OCD up is that I can’t get past Bo Duke’s dick lips. Never mind that he wears the same outfit in every single episode. I think Daisy Duke is the only one who changes short shorts, which by the way, who wears nylons with shorts and open toe, high heel sandals?!

Back to the lip factor; Bo’s pants are like sausage casings, riding up the crack of his ass with his signature dick lips in the front. Was this an actor’s choice, was this wardrobe’s choice, or was this the creative team’s choice? I mean it’s so obvious that Bo Duke has lips. You can’t miss them; they are in your face throughout every single episode.

How did these pervasive dick lips come to pass? Who made the choice and why? Was there a writers meeting, or a meeting with the network brass? Was it during a viewing of the pilot, or the pilot presentation? Were the writers and network executives sitting around a conference room table post-viewing and have a full on conversation about Bo Duke’s dick lips? Did the person who spoke up have to give a visual demonstration of the type of lips he was seeking in Bo Duke’s pants?

Network Executive: “Hey, Gy, I don’t mean to be a sticky wicket here, but ah, I think we really need to see more lip coming from Bo Duke.”

Gy Waldron:“More lip?”

Network Executive:“Yeah, you know, in his pants. We need to see an ever present crotch. Something that really says, Bo Duke has one.”

Gy Waldron:“Okay, I’m hearing you. Are you thinking of a jock strap, or a cock ring, something that brings his crotch forward?”

Network Executive:“No, no, definitely not that. I’m thinking more lip.”

Gy Waldron:“Lip?”

So, at that point did the network executive turn around, put his hand down his pants and separate his ball sack so that one ball would be on one side of the seam and another ball on the other side of the seam? Did he then zip up and turn around to fervently broadcast his crotch and declaratively announce, “Like this?!”

Did everyone gaze at his groin inquisitively? Or did everyone jump on board and holler, “Love it.”

Or was this an actor’s choice? And if it was the actor’s choice, didn’t anyone feel compelled to say anything to Bo Duke like, “Hey, Bo, that’s a split sack you’re workin’ in those jeans. And if Bo Duke did make a conscious choice to create his dick lips did he feel that those lips were the embodiment of his character or was it an ego thing? Or, was it wardrobe? Did they watch Bo Duke get dressed sans lips and cock their heads analytically and say, “Something is definitely not right. What is missing? Something is missing. I just know it. Hmm…”

When it hit them that the problem was in his pants did a light bulb appear above their heads? Did their smiles widen gleefully, knowingly? Did they pull Bo Duke’s pants down and adjust his groin to create the bold dick lip affect he so proudly sports? Did Bo Duke gaze at his lips in the mirror with pride?

I just really want to know who made the dick lip decision.


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