I think I'm breaking up with an old friend. really old. I'm heartbroken about it. so, I clean. I listen to my favorite song, the goodbye girl. and, I clean. I can feel my brain defragmenting. not finding resolution. just clearing. I hope I'm wrong. but, I don't think so. my great aunt fudgie always says, "kateala, it's only too late when you're six feet under." I believe that. everything is forgivable to a degree. some things take an act of super strength. If we break up, I will always feel an aching sense of loss. the friend pool shrinks as you get older. how many great friends does a person really get in one lifetime? this sucks. I wish things were different. I wish that with every cleansing wipe, I could erase what happened. that it was an apparition. that it didn't really happen. but I can't. so, fuck me.