Tuesday, August 22, 2006

top 10 reasons jessica simpson is sharing her pussy

1) she's a "show", not "tell", girl
2) since her divorce, she wants to make 100% certain that men know she still has a pussy
3) she's ready to date the blind
4) she's more than just a pretty face
5) she's en route to a lesbian luncheon
6) she's going to the pleasure chest and doesn't have time to try IN vibes. she needs to roll up to a clerk and say, "do you have anything in my size?"
7) she was hoping to offset the white bag bashing after labor day that would've ensued
8) see! I told you my lips matched!
9) she feels like nobody pays any attention to her. the lips are a last stitch effort
10) she's auditioning for a lip salve commercial

paris hilton handlers... wake up!

paris hilton, "my album is so good it makes me cry"

if you say so, creepy.

When I was little," she tells Blender magazine for its September issue, she was forced to practice piano, violin and guitar "every day ... since I was 11. My mom made me." All the practice seems to have paid off: Of her new album, she tells the magazine: "I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good."

she doesn't cry. she like cries. how do you like cry? do tears stream down your pussy until you calmly say, "oops, wrong gash."

"People go crazy," she says. "They love it. Everyone's like, 'Who is this?' I don't tell. Because I don't want someone putting their phone up and recording it and making a ring tone off of it. I think when people don't know it's me, they won't judge it. But if they know it's me, then they'll be like, 'Ugh.' They won't even dance."

ah, our little std is growing up. fortunately, she's still managing to maintain her amazing idiot girl status with two opposing thoughts in one statement.

"I think people expect me to be this bitch snob," she says. "But I'm really nice, and I feel bad if I'm mean."

but, just to white people, right?

run. like a dog. riiiiiiiight now!

if you want to laugh your cunt off, read vocab's latest posts...

lessons learned and can I get an amen


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