at the minute, I will admit that I am horizontally challenged. it's a shortcoming. it's changing. I will also admit that today while running errands, I flew out in sweats and a sweatshirt. hair was pulled back, but not in a scrunchie. those are just wrong on every level. I wasn't wearing make-up, but I had sunglasses on. anywho, juice and I were driving along minding our own business. we were stopped at a red light when said green card candidate glanced my way in a wanton way, which was quickly replaced with never-fucking-mind.
never-fucking mind?! AM I soooo grotesque that I'm not even worthy of being a green card bride? so what if that isn't on my to do list. that's not the fucking point. the point is that he should've wanted me, if for no other reason than to woo me for american citizenship. the fact that he didn't is just plain mean, so I called him on it because it's that kind of a monday.
katie: excuse me, why did you look at me like I'm the anti-christ?
green card candidate: no habla engles.
katie: don't cross me, child. you know and I know exactly what I'm talking about. one minute you look at me like I could be hot and the next, like I'm trash. what gives?
green card candidate: I married.
katie: I don't see a ring. and, by the way, mister, you can't half-fast flirting. either you commit or you don't. and, you cannot, under any circumstances de-flirt after you've initiated an obvious flirt. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!
he sped away so fast, I could barely see his bright yellow, circa 1970 vw dust