Thursday, July 31, 2008

Fran I Am

Early this morning, I had the privilege of spending an hour with the divine Miss Fran I Am. Her meshpucha is in town for a spell. We had a cup of percolated squeezed beans and noshed a bit while dishing aplenty, I have news. Franygirl is as adorable as she can be.

Meeting her was the highlight of my week. You know that feeling when you meet someone for the first time, but you feel like you've known them for twenty years so you pick right where you left off? That's what it was like meeting Frannylish! She has an infectious laughter, a beautiful smile and a
fabulous personality. She's one hell of a dame and I hope to spend more time with her in the future.

So far I've met four bloggers offline and adored them madly. I couldn't be happier. Now, I'm on a mission to meet all of yas, so watch out. Jewgirl is comin fah' ya. Not in a creepy stalkeree way, calm down. More in a Teeny crushing-you-with-my-love kind of way.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Titskas and TV on Tuesday?

Shalom Loverdeedo's. What a fucking Tuesday. Did Mercury bypass retrograde and nosedive? Geez Louise.

This morning, a broad was stabbed to death in the parking structure of a building in Century City. This wasn't one of those meant-to-mug-you-mini-stab-and-runs, either. It was the real deal. Some asshole repeatedly and violently stabbed a woman in the neck. What kills me (so dramatic, Katie) is that there were people at the scene during 'said' incident and did nothing. It reminds me of the below video I saw on YouTube of a woman who keeled over and onto the floor of a waiting room in a fucking hospital and died. People sat by and watched for 45 minutes and did nothing.

Are we too afraid to get involved? Have we stopped caring about jumping in and preserving another life? What happened? It seems to me that things have radically changed over the past few years. I worry about the direction we're heading in. These two situations aren't isolated, I've read about many others. Do I need to add this to my "Worry To Do List"?!



There was also an earthquake in LA today, 5.6. I was standing in the LR minding my own business when the telly and my titties started to shake, as did the walls and windows. I am a novice in the e-quake department. Sure, in a crisis, I'm your go-to-gal, but not in an earthquake. I had a full scale panic attack and screamed "I will not die without a fucking bra on. God dammit. I refuse to peel out with my titskas doing the swing!"

I have this thing: I cannot die without my bra on or my shoes off. I just can't. That's my deal with God. We have a plan and I expect him to stick to it, otherwise, we're breaking up. Not to be cunty, ultimatumey or anything...

I'm happy to report that my bronchitis is clearing up beautifully. On Thursday, I have a date with FranIAm for cawfee. I'm so looking forward to that. More evidence that I'm not a 90-year-old yenta, CP.

Blogging While Semi-Insomniacking

I am listening to the Goodbye Girl on the pod. One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies. The kid and Richard Dreyfus do it for me in that flickundra, not Marsha Mason.


Should I write a puzzle? I didn't fall asleep until midnight and when I popped up at 2ish, I was in the middle of a nightmare about being trapped in a crossword puzzle.

I really love being continent. When my grandmother had a prolapsed uterus, she became incontinent. Worrying about my uterus becoming an accessory is now in the top 25 on my "Worry To Do List".

Have you seen the movie Superbad? That was a continent killer... Get it? "I laughed so hard, I peed."

If Ellen Arkin married Adam Barkin and they spawned a fruit named Harkin, the kid's name would be Harkin Arkin Barkin. I can see it. The name screams rehab ready. He's almost three quarters of the way with the acronym HAB.
I started reading one of Wade Agnew's poetry books "Solace For A Starving Naked Alone Soul". So far, I'm really into it. He is wicked dark, yo. After I finish, I'll spill awwwl the dish.

Do you watch Mad Men? The second season just started. This season looks to be dishy-fab. I fucking love that show, so brilliant.

I think I wish I could fall back to sleep, though I don't think it's in the cards.

I have to FedEx my pops something. I was supposed to send it Saturday. I suck ass. Bad daughter, bad, bad, bad. Okay, Katie, let's really beat the shit out of ourselves, very productive. Wait, that was supposed to be inner-dialogue. That reminds me of a story my sister told me about the time she had dinner with a friend from school, one of those "first-time-friend-dates". She crossed that inner/outer dialogue boundary by punching herself in the leg three times while disclosing her inability to maintain a relationship. And she wonders why she can't catch a fellah?! Oy.

Do you remember double belts? I saw one the other day in red. The broad wearing it was also sporting shoulder pads. Really? Really.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Trifecta! Kind Of

On Friday, I started to feel sore-throaty and sinus burney. Know what I mean? Anywhoodle, by Saturday morning, my throat felt scrubbed with sandpaper by 50 midgets. My sinuses were in the epicenter of an erupting volcano . The hacking was akin to a crack addict who smokes Pall Mall non-filters in between fixes.


That said....

Sunday, the games continued, menses began. All I needed was a yeast infection, and as a friend noted this morning, I would've had a trifecta.

Though I rarely take penicillin for fear of developing an immunity to it, I caved and called my doctor for a Zpack and a cough suppressant.

I am on the mend, fab. Downside, the cough suppressant had an opiate (who knew?!). I am opiate intolerant unless I take it with an anti-nausea back.

What a weekend.

By tomorrow I should feel like a brand spankin' new Jew.

It's time for Katie to make herself horizontal again. More dish latah.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Doreen Orion IS Queen of the Road


You've heard me dish plenty about Author Doreen Orion and her new title Queen of the Road. As a frequent commenter on The Vey, you've seen her around, she's hardly a stranger, she's more like meshpucha.

I could say I read Queen of the Road, but that would be false, I actually devoured it like a vampire jonseing for fresh blood. There are bottom shelf books, read once and placed there because I adored them enough not to let them go. Top shelf books are current reads. Second shelf books I re-read passages from or will re-read because they resonated that deeply for me. Queen of the Road is a second shelf book.

I fell in love with Doreen's book for a million reasons: It made me belly laugh. I fucking screamed my way through this book. My sides hurt, my belly burned and the book fell from my hands on numerous occasions, I laughed that hard. Doreen isn't just funny, she's a comic genius. I also cried, feeling her angst, wonder and frustration while she journeyed on a bus with her incredible husband through the US. These two are soooooo in love, their romance is delicious. In the end, what I took from Queen of the Road was one of the most important reminders I hold dear to my heart, even when I forget: Possibilities exist if I'm willing to leave my comfort zone and open to change. Fear has a place in life, that's true, but why not overcome it. Risks are all they're cracked up to be and absolutely worth taking.

I am telling you, you have to read this book. Run right now and treat yourself to an unforgettable, laugh-out-loud, poignant ride.
Doreen generously agreed to do an e-interview about Queen of the Road and answer a few of my quirky ass questions because she's gracious and lovely and as sweet as can be.

What made you write Queen of the Road? You are belly-laugh-out-loud funny, Doreen. I bought many copies of QOTR for the Schwartz meshpucha.

It started as therapy. My husband dragged me kicking and screaming on this meshugena idea of his to "chuck it all" and travel the country in a converted bus for a year. Fifteen years and he hadn't noticed he was married to a Princess from the Island of Long? So, as the various disasters started piling up (me nearly getting sucked out the bus door at 60 mph, he figuring out he didn't know how to work the breaks - while we were careening down a mountain pass - and both of those just in the first 24 hours), I started writing. And drinking. Not necessarily in that order. (Hence, the fruity martini recipes that begin each chapter, commemorating what new disaster has befallen us.)

After you finished writing QOTR, in what ways did it change you?

If I had known the trip would change me in any way, I surely would have protested the whole thing much, much more. I'm sort of the Elizabeth Gilbert Antichrist in that way. But... living in 340 sq ft, you can't help but discover that there's an awful lot of "crucial" stuff that really isn't so crucial. I became a lot less materialistic - so much so, that upon our return, I was the one who suggested that instead of selling the bus, we sell our house and full-time on the road.

This Q is a bit off topic, but worth asking if you don't mind sharing, what drew you to psychiatry? Did you always want to go into the field?

I remember in 4th grade answering the "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question with, "A psychiatrist." Needless to say, I didn't have a lot of friends in grade school. I considered other things through the years, of course, but really: What's an only Jewish child to do but go to medical school? (My parents were quite progressive, so I never got the "marry a doctor" thing, although come to think of it, I did marry one, anyway.)

Has psychiatry informed your writing at all? If so, how?

I like to think it's made me a better observer of the people I write about and what motivates them (including when I write memoir, myself and my family). I like to think that because that medical degree cost a ton of money.

You are married to a psychiatrist, too. It’s not like two accountants being married to each other (love to assume). I would think that because you both have such tremendous insight into how the mind works, the communication is flawless (again, jumping to conclusions, something I adore doing). Spill?

Two accountants in love! Now there's my next screenplay! I'd like to think Tim and I are putting our overly educated brains to good use in our relationship, but I'm not so sure. I've seen other shrink couples not do so well. He and I have always just gotten along. I think the main reason (he's not going to read this, is he?) is that he's just so darn nice. When I (very occasionally, of course) start nattering at him (look people, it's in my genes), rather than engaging me in my mishugas, he somehow manages to turn it around and gets me to laugh at myself. A true Goy Wonder.

Back to Queen of the Road... What is your favorite part of the book?

When my agent first read it, she said, "You know, this isn't really a travel memoir. It's a love story." So, I guess writing about my relationship with Tim, aka Project Nerd, Domestic Superhero, was definitely the most fun. (Again, he's not going to read this, right?) I loved reading those parts to him, as well. That's actually how the last chapter came about. Because of all the disasters, as well as the sections about him and our relationship, Tim started exclaiming, "People are going to think I'm an idiot!" I kept telling him, "What do you want from me? Get your own book!" So, we compromised on his own chapter: Tim's Rebuttal. Unfortunately for Tim, I helped him write it.

What do you want readers to take from QOTR?

First and foremost, I want them to laugh. But, along with humor, I'd like readers to take away some of the life-lessons we learned. As a shrink, I know it often takes something terrible for people to realize what's truly important in life. That's why so many inspirational memoirs center around some tragedy the author went through. The "bus thing" taught us not to wait, to live our dreams (OK, Tim's dream) now. It also taught me not to let fear get in the way of living one's dreams. It wasn't soon after we started out that I developed a bus phobia, after all.

We also met so many diverse, interesting people all over the country. Yet, we found that we all have one thing in common: We want to love and be loved. We really came to understand that nothing really matters other than being with the people you love. I know people say that all the time, but how many of us really live it? Tim and I were guilty of that, as well - of supporting things and a lifestyle. But, spending 24/7 together in 340 square feet with our 60 lb dog and 2 cats who hated each other, we found we were happier than we've ever been.

Finally, even though my life was comfortable and I would have said I was happy before we left for our bus year, looking back, I would have to admit it was rather rote and routine. I hadn't realized how crucial it is to keep challenging and stretching oneself. The "bus thing" forced us into new situations all the time - even the more difficult ones (fire, flood, armed robbery and finding ourselves in a nudist RV park to name just a few) turned out to be learning experiences.

One of the things you mentioned in your NPR interview that resonated hard with me was the importance of not putting things off until "later in life". Can you please elaborate on this and how QOTR ties into that idea?

Like many people, until we reached our late thirties, Tim and I had gone through life feeling rather invincible. Not only was it inconceivable that something bad could ever happen to us, even our very mortality seemed suspect. When we hit our forties, this changed, as some of our friends experienced sudden, unexpected tragedies: A friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. A colleague died of a heart attack in his sleep. Both of us, for the first time, could feel creaks and aches in bones we hadn’t thought about since anatomy class. Over the years, we each had treated people in our practices who had looked forward to all they planned to do in retirement, but when the time came, were too ill to travel or too devastated by the death of a spouse to live out their dreams. So, when Tim was still trying to convince me to hit the road and explained, "It’s just something I really want to do – while we’re young and can still enjoy it. I’ve done everything right all my life, the way I was supposed to do it. Now I want something for me. And I want it with you.” He had me. That, and we're fortunately, since we knew we'd have work on our return from taking a year off: Neurosis is a growth industry, after all.


You are currently touring the country doing readings and book signings, where do you post your dates?

There's an "
appearances and events" page on my website. Thank you, Katie!

You’ve created many humorous, mini-video readings that are so much fun to watch. Where can I access each of your videos?

On the
travelogue section of my website, where I've also just released several podcasts. Thank you again, Katie!

What new projects are you working on now?

I've started working on a new book, but if I told you about it, I'd have to nag you to keep it under wraps until you wished I had killed you, instead.

--
You can find Doreen all over the Internet at her website, blog, RedRoom, Amazon, Shelfari, Facebook and GoodReads. Friend her. Read her. You will love her!

PS: Click on over to Celestial Seasonings "Adventure at Every Turn" Book Club, they've chosen Queen of the Road as this summer's book! They're also running quite a festive contest well worth entering.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Flawless


my soul's journey

"To let go of the fear and anger which imprisons my heart,To relinquish all childish expectations and live joyfully in the world as it is --

not as I wish or imagine it to be,

To be free of the always craven and ever-craving ego,

To be released from the endless hungers of the body,

To see God in others,

To see God in everything,

To die without death and merge my consciousness into the cosmic sea of bliss from which I came,

To crank out two sitcoms a week that can compete

with a deaf chick dancing her ass off...

This is my soul's journey."

Chuck Lorre Productions, Vanity Card #196

One Million Plus In Support of Gay Marriage


When I received this email from The Human Rights Campaign, it made me so happy, I had to share it. "Marriage – HRC has hit the million mark! We're up to 1,003,118 signatures on our Million for Marriage petition. Sign now »" Sign up, loverdeedos.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Evil Lives, My Friends

This afternoon, while checking traffic on my sitemeter, I saw a ginormous banner that read, Macaroni and Cheese Contest -- Win $5,000 -- Sponsored by Tillamook Cheddar Cheese. "The Grand prize winner will receive $5,000 cash, 25 pounds of Tillamook® cheese, plus other various prizes."


Evil. Evil. Evil. I miss, no, I ache for cheese and pine for pasta. Not the gluten free shit, either. Real, white flour, thick, gorgeous, robust, horrific for you, noodlays.

I have a homemade, heart stopping recipe for macaroni and cheese courtesy of ma Schwartzy. Can you imagine winning 5K and 25 pounds of cheese?! I'd plotz, scream and cry extra sharp cheddar tears of unbridled joy.

Who cares... It's just cheese. Who needs cheese, right? Right. I love being vegan.

Besides, I'm PMS'ng. Even though my cravings are out of control, I'm not.

Keep telling yourself that, Schwartz, maybe it'll sink in.

Okay, I will.

Fine.

Fine.

Question

Hall and Oates Then...



Hall and Oates Now....


What's changed?

PS

Everything is right and well in the world... Vintage Bette Midler just rolled up to the pod. I was panicking for a minute there. Read earlier post.

Get Listen Up


Have you seen the infomercial for Get Listen Up? I thought the idea of a product that turns "Ordinary hearing into Extroidinary hearing" was too camp for words. In the mersh, a hospitable narrator takes you through all kinds of folks using it in church, hunting, watching television, listening to your spawn on the playground, all doable, right? Right. I was sold, too. Until.... my friendly narrator lady said "Listen to what your neighbors are saying about you." Okay, creeparella, how very big brother. Watch the mersh.

Doreen sent me a kick ass, smart ass article this week in the NY Times called, "Skin Deep - Hey, Mom, the Rabbi Approved my Tattoo". Speaking of Diva Doreen, I finished her flawless, brilliant book Queen of the Road (it's tits to the tenth, children) and she's graciously allowed me to interview her. I'll be posting that this week and you will love every word.

Frannylish sent me, in her words an "oy gevalt" article on Jewlicious, "No Wigs in Monsey", a very interesting, quick read about the separation of church and state.

I had the strangest dream last night, it was not a nightmare. Progress. My sister and I were sitting at an all-you-can-eat cheese buffet. Through pursed lips, she kept repeating "I'm moving to Mizuuur" Not Missouri, Mizuur, "Into a four bedroom house with my man. Support my decision." I woke up at 6 AM convinced this happened, so I called her and said, "Why the fuck are you moving to Mizuuur?" Half asleep and disoriented she said, "Are you sleep talking, freakshow?!" We went for coffee and had such a laugh about it... Mizuur.

Who reads or writes Ya Novels? Via my friend Lewch (he's in our blog circle, donchya know), I became friends with Katherine (love her) and she introduced me to Joanne Renaud, an exquisite Ya Novel artist. Her work took my wig off! She's so fucking talented. I'm posting dish about Miss Renaud this week, too. In the meantime, check out her portfolio, you will plotz hard.

The shame... For some queer ass reason the song "Strange Way" by Firefall just made its way onto the pod. The lyrics are sooooo shameful. Okay, Schwartzy, you have a choice, you can whack the pod, delete the song or find out who did it. I think I know who did it. Now, I'm howling.... Kerri!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

New Letter Posted At Dear Thyroid


One of our faveybloggers MadamZ has posted a beautiful new love letter at Dear Thyroid. Please check it out. The girl knows how to spin one hell of a thyarn.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

It's Official


I've made the commitment. I broke up with my old template in favor of this diva. I needed something brighter. It's been a hell of a week... to be discussed latah. This was the perfect distraction. If I stupidly left anybody's link off the list or linked incorrectly, please e-stalk me and let me know so I can correct it. Grazarella.

I'm off like a prom dress for no particular reason. Okay, that's not true. I have so much to do and a gazillion emails to return. Who doesn't, right? Oy, are we busy, we millennium goils and guys.

I'm listening to Georgia on my Mind and it always, always, always reminds me of my darling coffey.

BREATHE

I think I'm redesigning the bloggy. Stay calm. Breathe with me. Adding all my links. Just finding my way around. Remember, change is good and begets more change. This could be a very positive thing for all of us.

PS: Need this distraction. DO NOT BREAK UP WITH ME. Loving...

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Break Out The Crates


My online bff 4evah, Cormac Brown, he blogs (I can't even refer to it in the past tense, I'm that twisted up inside) WriteProcrastinator, has shut down... for good. He's breaking up with us. Sure, we can still find him on Bad Lieutenants Wife and Cormac Writes. Still. It's not the same. Not only was Cormac the first commenter I got on All The Way From Oy to Vey, his blog has dished up some of my favorite series, Separated at Birth, SAB, SAB, SAB, Blog Rebus, yarns about SF and a few of his favorite local artists, Zhan Wang, Liz Hickok and so much more. He's delightful and hysterical, a gem of a person and blogger. He plugs all of our nonsense all of the time. He's incredibly supportive and the menschiest of mensches-- and now he's going bye-bye.

I am bluewjewin' it hard on this one. In his final post, the images have left me as forlorn as the post.

Cormac, you will be missed more than you know. I am pining already.

Evil Lives


We have a local parking nazi inside a mini-strip mall sitch. This man who owns the Westside Market also owns three parking spaces. He's allocated 5 minutes for visitors, to get in and get out. The minute you pull into your spot, before exiting your car, he is SCREAMING at you to make sure your planning to buy something. If you aren't, he berates you like the dirty fuck baby you are while smirking like the rat bastard he is. "Get the fuck out of that spot unless (beat for tonal change) you plan to buy something here."
P-Notz stalks his three spots every minute of every day. He's more concerned about you parking in his spaces than he is with you boosting his product.

Yesterday, we stopped in at Cingular. The lot was slammed. I told Ker to park in one of the Nazi's p-spaces. While getting out of the car, I told him I was coming to him. As he saw Kerri head to Cingular, he snarled (pigfucker). I said, "Breathe, I'm buying something, gaaaaaaaaahd."
I bought a bottle of water, the only thing I'm certain wasn't stocked back in 1969, and went back to the car, assuring him we wouldn't exceed our 5 minee stay in his precious spot. Two other people parked. When one broad told him she was hitting two stores, he barked at her, "You park here for my store only." Pointing to me (we must've hit the 6 minute mark), he waved his arms and wailed, "Get the fuck out of my space N-O-W." I didn't move. One minute later, he threatened to have us towed. I saw Ker making her way towards the car. PS: All of us were kicked out.

He must have such high blood pressure. Even though there is limited parking in the lot, I'll give him that, his eagerness to berate people and incite anger seems to be his primary objective. People are already so pissed off with the price of gas and worrying about losing their jobs, etc. etc. etc. Does he really have to be such a monumental prick? Or, am I being an irrational, insensitive bitch? Maybe I am.

I Wonder


Katie in May at Pilcrow and now, technically yesterday. Spill, can we see the 30 pound weight loss in her face? Any of it? Kerri, making my favorite field-reporter-face below, says yes. I disagree. Too close to the situation? Hmm... Payhaps.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Poker Face


OnlineBFF4Ever, Cormac Brown has spun yet another flawless suspense filled yarn called Poker Face, featured on Powder Burn Flash. You must run and read it now. You'll love it. I laughed. My mouth dropped... I can't tell you why, you have to read it!

I have more I want to share, but I won't yet-- I'm being plaid about it. Soon, though.

Oh, How I Love My Sister!

One of the items on my Nav bar is Feed OyVey. My sister thought that meant, email me dish to post on the blog (love that girl, so cute). Anyhoodle, Keh e-stalked me this morning with a fabbylish Thrillist item that I had to share. She feels an obligation to feed the blog. So cute.


"Bedroom Tools: Ugly Bags"Guaranteed to cure ugliness", these heavyweight paper bags slip easily over your partner's head to display an attractive face; also comes in Male, for the man so ugly, even an extra-ugly bag-faced chick refuses to sleep with his ugly."

For men...



For women....




Aside from how shaaaaaaaaaaameful this is and it is mothah fuckin' shameful. Whatever happened to good ole' fashioned beer goggles? When did they lose their cachet?

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Dirty Ass Humor, Monkeybicycle Issue 5


You see the little Monkeybicycle icon in the sidebar? Take a look, ga'head. See it now? That's a link to order the Monkeybicycle dirty humor issue NOW on sale. <-- You can click there, too. Guthy posted about this a few days ago and mentioned what a tough time the publishers had getting it printed because it was it was considered too dirty. Being a part of a collection of work considered too filthy to print is something to be proud of.

Check out this line-up: Sarah Silverman, Patton Oswalt, Myfanwy Collins, Johnny Ryan, Davy Rothbart, Wendy Molyneux, Aaron Burch, Bret Scott, Elizabeth Ellen, Matt Craig, Timothy Bennet, Pete Grosz, Liliana V. Blum, Katie Schwartz, Tyler Smith, Michael Frissore, Antonius Wiriadjaja, Amy Guth, J. Marcus Weekley, Matt Summers-Sparks, C. J. Kershner, Ben Tanzer, Jennifer Dziura, Peter Bognanni, Charlie Anders, David Hart, Noria Jablonski, Bob Fingerman, Vince LiCata, Jack Pendarvis, Christopher Monks, and an introduction by David Cross.

You must buy a copy! I just got mine in the mail and started reading it-- Each essay is sicker than the next, it's so wrong on every level, it's right. Run. Read. Now. Loving....

New Interview Posted at Dear Thyroid


You know DrugMonkey, yes? Yes. Of course you do! Anyhoodle, he graciously agreed to an interview about thyroid disease from the pharmacist perspective. Check it out, yo.

Dream or Nightmare?


Let me start by saying, parents and family, bypass this post. Thank you. Loving...
I don't dream. I have wicked dark nightmares, so dark, I kept each to myself and compartmentalized them as one-of-life's-dirty-little-secrets. Recently, I dragged them out of my shame closet by writing about them and discussing them with Shrinktail. It took 8 months of shrinkdating to spill, but spill I did.

Anyhoodle...

Last night, I think I had my first hybrid. I had a thing with a guy for a while. We had a weird ass sitch. Our intimacy issues and bad timing led to disaster. Here's what happened in the dreamare:

He knocked on my door wearing a wetsuit and fins (he's not a diver). I was living in a dilapidated, massive tree house with oddly shaped large, dirty rooms and slanted floors. I had three bedrooms with mattresses on the floor, tattered posters of Journey on the walls and plastic pee cups everywhere, it was severely crack denish.

In Bedroom A, I threw him on the bed and said, "I'm giving you a God damned blowjob." After what felt like hours of fighting with his wetsuit, he was down to his boxers (white with little Ralph Lauren logos all over them, again, so not him). Once I made it to his flaccid peeny, I devoured it. He was so bored, he picked up a Mad Magazine. As he flipped through it, his giggling swelled to uncontrollable belly laughter, while his limp cock bounced around my mouth like a dying fish out of water, seriously.

I chased him around the house wailing, "I'm giving you a God damned, mother fucking, cock sucking blowjob and you will fucking like it." In two more bedrooms, I sucked myself into cheekbones, that's how hard I sucked this man's pleasure plunger. Bupkas-- nothing, nada, not an erection for days. He glared at me disdainfully, rolling his eyes, literally bored to tears.

Before waking up, the door slammed. And I was alone in the center of the tree house / crack den with two bags of frozen peas on my face.
Hence... hybrid.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Oy Vey


Did everyone have a firecrackin' 4th of July? Who did we do?
Last night, I stayed home, though I did have a nightmare. Judging from the content, I would have to say that my mind gave whatever fireworks I might have seen, a run for their money.
  1. The third anniversary (Mazel Tov) edition of Farmhouse Magazine is online now and it is fierce! Off-the-hook fiction, satire, poetry and of course, equally ya-may-zing images, too. Check it out, yo. I think the House of Farm is edgier then ever. Me likey.
  2. Yesterday, I caught up on some bloggys. WriteProcrastinator has a kick ass post about the Sunset district in SF with links to beautiful pictures. Frannylish wrote about "Sister of Charity Louise Lears, forced out of all church ministerial roles". Sister LL is an altruistic dame, a preacher, teacher and a true beacon of hope for the poor. She's all about justice and equality. Why wouldn't you want such a mensch like this in your corner?! I signed the petition and all. Such a shondj.
  3. I make 4th of July resolutions, not many, just a few key rezzies that might liberate me from useless patterns and habits.
  4. Bubbsie e-stalked me the most fabulous fucking link on the planet. A vadgey spa opening in NYC. Just what I always wanted, to be fingerbanged by a gyny while I Kegel. Some of the "spa" treatments are a fuckin' riot: Lazy Susan, Lip Sync, Inner Strength Personal Trainer, the list goes on for days... Grazie, B
  5. Have you been following SaltyMeat's vacation review? The pictures are divine and the commentary is quite perfect-- very bacon.

 

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