Katie Schwartz

1) Thursday night, The Fixx Coffee Bar Jami Attenberg and Katie Schwartz (not the other KS's online, this Katie Schwartz will be reading. I'm reading an essay from my book. You must come! I want to see all of your fabulous faces. 2) I went to a corsitorium today for bras to hoist the hooters. Back in New York, they used to have proper corsitoriums for dames with generous racks. Older dames who chose your bras for you. This non-diva was a riot. She was in her 80s, a handsome woman, reminiscent of the days in New York when pickles were purchased in barrels, a very lower east side kinda dame. After throwing me in a room, she told me to take my top off so she could stare at the twins. Five minutes later, in a thick Russian accent, she said, "I be back. You wait." Upon her return with three highly unattractive brazatskies (bras), she placed the bra over each arm, pushed me over, hoisted my girls into the bra, locked that bitch up, straightened me up and proceeded to feel...

I feel menstrually betrayed. My sister and her BFF began menstruating on Friday without me. No memo was sent to my womb. Here I sit in a PMS stupor going it solo. While in the car with her last night, I courted her hormones with champagne, strawberries, chocolate, salty potato chips-n-dip, anything to entice the mones to mingle with mine so wombareena would bleed. This morning... bupkas. Refresh. Sigh. In an effort to drag myself out of the thyroid closet that I've been living in for the past five plus years, here's the dish: I got fabbylish news last night from my endocrinologist about my thyroid. I'm 14 points away from having a balanced thyroid. Having been severely hyper and hypothyroid for so long, those 14 points have taken my wig off, I'm over the moon. Your thyroid regulates your mind and body. If that bitch goes awry, all bets are off-- youse are all kinds of jacked whether you're hypothyroid or hyperthyroid . Anyhoodle, in my forthcoming title (Emotiona...

Major dish beautiful babies. Amy Guth is launching Chicago's first Literary Festival and it's called... Drum roll, please... Pilcrow . Is that tits or what? Oh, yeah it is! If you're in Chicago from May 22nd-May 25th, come on ovah. Check out Amy's post about the festival and how it came to be: IF THERE'S SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO TRY . Visit the Pilcrow website , to stay abreast of attendees, sponsors and events. Subscribe to Pilcrow's RSS feeds , too. Speaking of sponsors... Which one a'youse has chach and such, to donate? Come on, spill it. Guess what?! Ready? I'm on the attendee list. I'm fuckin' plotzing. My first scheduled reading is at Guthy's The Fixx Reading Series on May 22nd with diva Jami Attenberg . We love'ha work. She's got moxie. All of this fabulousness is hosted by the delish dame Amy . You must come! This event is going to be flawless squared. You know it and I know it.