Monday, August 21, 2006

the god damned christians

it's no secret that I am ocd about christian blogs. I know. don't hock. I read a post tonight on one of my christian blog runs and I am so completely disturbed by it, i can't even begin to tell you. I feel violated. nauseas. disgusted. the post is called, the blessing of an adult daughter at home. it is so creepy in a david koresh personal ad meets chick who's been mainlining way too much jesus!

the six million dollar man

is alive! I see him walking many mornings just outside of my neighborhood. I'm always shocked. not from his over indulgence in face lifts and nose jobs. but, the fact that he's still got a pulse. and that he actually wears a fanny pack. a real live honest to goodness fanny pack.

every time I pass him, I just want to make the bionic, da-na-na-na-na sound under my breath, but I don't.

you know what's even more upsetting?!?!? that I don't even want to suck his six million dollar man cock. that is so bothersome, I can't begin to tell you.

you know you're unprofessional when ....

... you're so fucking bored and life sucked at your day job, that your response to a perfectly professional inquiry is as follows:

joke: horse walks into a bar. bartender says, "hey, man. why the long face."

anecdote: this weekend, my best friend asked me if I wanted to get married. I told her that I don't think I ever want to be someone's wife. she looked at me like I should give up my rights to womanhood.

ideas: floating pollen suckers. this would eliminate the majority of outdoor allergies

concerns: that I need to replace my blackberry.

comments: appetizers are much tastier than entrees.

etc.: sometimes I think I should get my dog, louie, some shoes. dogs are only issued one set of paws. this seems impractical. where's the back up plan?


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