Katie Schwartz

From Joe: Hi everybody! I'm tied up at work and won't have a chance to get this up on Sprawling Ramshackle Compound for a while, so I need your help. Our daughter Nora is a semi-finalist in the Fangoria Spooksmodel contest . Right now she's kind of bummed out because she's getting her ass kicked in the voting--she's competing against a more than a few softcore porn actresses and pro models. Please click on the link (here it is again: Fangoria Spooksmodel ) and scroll down until you see Nora O'Sullivan in her evil nurse costume. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD VOTE FOR THIS GIRL. Nobody loves horror more than Nora, and she needs to place in the top 13 to go to the finals in L.A. Vote early and often, it's easy, and forward this to any gorehounds you know, or anyone who just loves to vote in internet contests. I really appreciate it. She'd love to see her numbers climb. Take care, and thanks for reading! Joe Run . Go . Vote .

UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE::: THANKS TO MONKEYSTUDMUFFIN'S COMMENT, I HAVE FIXED THE LINK TO BUBBSIE'S ESSAY ON FARMHOUSE . THANKS, MONKEYSTUD There are a million reasons we love Bubbsie. He's dark: and funny as hell: We love his writing, the child can spin a yarn like nobody's business. A few of Bubbsie's treasured topics are Clowns , Alligators , and of course, who could live without his FREAK OF THE WEEK series. GUESS WHAT, our Bubsielicious has spun a disturbingly sick and funny non-fiction story, running in the spring edition of Farmhouse Magazine . This might be Bubbsie's first stop, that we know of, but one thing we are most certain about is that it's just the beginning -- This kid's got mad writing skills. Click on over and read about his Day With Antonia .

Courtesy of my good friend, Bubbsie , he posted this article , Using Sarah Palin for Fundraising, Planned Parenthood Nets $760k in Donations in comments. I dragged my ass to the Planned Parenthood Action Fund to donate. You can donate as little as $5! If you missed it, read the Life begins at rape... just ask Sarah Palin yarn . HelenWheels just posted a kick ass yarn about "Mooselini's" shotgun wedding here . JDC just launched a poliblog here . And Frannygirl alerted us to this dish Sarah Palin's 1984 Miss Alaska Pageant Video, Swimsuit Competition . ((UPDATE)) Unrelated, but probably the most shocking thing I've read in a long time: by Keep it Trill Chasing HIV for Benefits . Run. Read. Now.

What a grand blogging day today was, just like yesterday. I was introduced to 4 new bloggers who answered the PoliQs flawlessly. My Saturday Evening Post is brilliance and sarcasm at it's finest. Pushing Fifty Gently 's POV from Canada was awesome. I'd love to see more people in other countries participate in the PoliQ. I am so looking forward to getting to know her delicious bloggy blog. Thailand Girl addressed concerns about foreign affairs with a slew of quotables. Little Merry Sunshine dished up fierce facts and a fast talkin' (writing) personality. A blog of note that we all know and love is Bubbsie's , who tossed out so many pearls of wisdom, I'm still reeling. Bubbsie is the author of Sprawling Ramshackle Compound and my good friend, a truly amazing mensch with a heart, and family spun of gold, answered from the exquisitely personal, to the brilliantly objective. Lots of important facts and links. Callbacks to the past and what middle class Americans on...

I wrote an essay called Shitvitation in my forthcoming book. Bubbsie and Oldest Daughter know the essay cause'ns I read it at the Fixx Reading Series. In short, my apartment manager had a girating asstastic experience on my porcelain goddess while dishing on the phone with one of his chippies. Oh, what a shitmare it was, just ask B or Amy. Amy and I were furiously emailing back and forth during Shituardo's fiesta for party of one. On Monday, Shituardo and his sidekick, a lovely bloke who kindly smiles at everything I say, came over at 9AM to replace my tile-oleum with actual see-ramic tiles. Unprepared and terrified I'd be bombed again, I wrapped my toilet in duct tape and closed the door. I also offered up additional insurance, 20 bucks each for lunch. I spent the day standing guard in the living room as they ripped up the linoleum and replaced it with tiles or as my mother refers to them, teelays . By 4PM, the tiles were down and the shitwins were leaving for the day...

I am so happy to be indirectly and tagged by the great splotchy virus by two bloggers I adore, Frannylish and bubbsie. Bubbsie's splotch . If you haven't read it, read it. A true creative speckled in law enforcement questions that only he can think of. Splotchy's yarn: "I had been shuffling around the house for a few hours and already felt tired. The doorbell rang. I opened the front door and saw a figure striding away from the house, quickly and purposefully. I looked down and saw a bulky envelope. I picked it up. The handwriting was smudged and cramped, and I could only make out a few words." Bubbsie's yarn: "I looked up and down the street but didn’t see any delivery truck, or any car for that matter. No FedEx, no UPS , no creepy-looking porno'd-out conversion van with a half-assed delivery service sign taped to its side. Nothing. It's like delivery man just disappeared. I stepped back inside, re-set the deadbolts and took a closer look at the ...

Oh, that Bubbsie is THE SHIT. He kicks ass hard and couldn't be more flawless if he tried. He sent me this fabbylish license plate with commentary and awwwl. I don't know if the plate is supposed to reflect the Texan pronunciation of "overflow", or what. All I know is, you must have been in my subconscious because the first thing I thought was the driver of this car is advertising her successful ovulation and/or menses: "ova" and "flo" Hilar squared or what, children?! Thank you, bubbsie :)

Oh, Bubbsie Wubbsie I love you so-oh-oh-oh, Bubbsie Wubbsie, thank you so-oh-oh-oh. Our Sprawling Daddy of Doom sent me a jpg and a link to.... Drum roll, please.... MySpaceDouchebags . Click now . You will fucking howl, it's hilar squared. The douchiest of douchebags are on this site with Howard Cosell commentary and all. What a find. Thanks, Bubbsie!

Sing it with me, oh Bubbsie , I love you so-oh. Oh, bubbsie, wubbsie, thank you so-oh for the big christian show-oh. Bubbsie sent me a link to Christian Cuddle Parties and this fabulous article about fondling without fucking . There is so much dish here I can't stand it. Christly cadets desperate to save their blessed virginity, guess what, there's a fondle fest in any city USA so you can get your touch and make-out swirl on. For the price of $30 and a new pair of flannel PJ's, you can participate in a hugging orgy or in a puppy pile. Check out the video . Andre Traversa wrote an article for the no-fuck-zone called Confessions of a Christian Cuddler . One of the things he drones on about is something he read in Sin Fest Rolling Stone, about this rock group that wears masterbands . Each member wears their lil badge of honor UNTIL the member has jerked his member. His shame is the instant removal of said jizband. Masturbating and fucking are very healthy. You don't ...

We all know how Katie feels about a split pookie. It's just wrong on every level. Ain't nobody need to see a dame's lips literally pierced to her pants. The world knows ya got em'. When the pants fall there isn't a big reveal. However, with proper grooming and an air of mystery, it could be the pookiestravaganza event of the year. Coco is another story. She was born to exude her cavernous taco. It would be rude not to recognize and support that commitment. I'm actually talking about something quite different. The dame who wears... I can't even say it. Ok, ready, set... leggings . PS: She also listens to Michael Bolton. This same leggings bird features her VAGINA in a way that makes her vadge look bulbous, like a drunken Bukowski nose. To accentuate the massive box even more , she wears a slinky top. I'm not trying to be cunty here, but the legging vadge I saw yesterday was like nothing I have ever seen in my life. She's a shorty like me. She's p...

I have a tear in my eye and joy in my heart. our bubbsie said CUNT . I am kvelling. I am plotzing AND kvelling. bubbsie, this is HUGE!!! everyone race over to bubbsie's blog and congratulate him. this was no easy thing to do. this took a lot of work and time. I am so proud of you, bubbsie. you have made this feminist jewgirl very happy!!! is mrs. bubbsie equally thrilled?!?!?! how do you feel? do you feel differently? are you empowered? uncomfortable? excited? what? spill, child, spill! look, he really said it. here . don't believe me, look! (below. edited version) Bubs said... bless us all with your groovy pictures and cunt talk .There. Are you happy now?

sprawling ramshackle has posted a fuck off FABULOUS post about, oh my fucking god, christian clowns ! are you plotzing??? this post is HILAR SQUARED. here's a snippet, but you must click through for greatness right fucking now. I peed... a little. A few weeks ago I put up a clown training video , and it opened a door for me into a world I knew nothing about: the world of Christian Clowning. and There are websites devoted to Christian Clowning Resources ; there are websites for individual performers like Kingdom Karactors (if clowns aren't your thing, they also make and sell puppets !) I needed this, bubs . thank you a million!