Katie Schwartz

Yesterday morning I got my period. I followed protocol: pills. Pad. Rock back and forth. At 4AM I woke up to what must be at least 6 postal workers with machine guns spraying a half dozen postal offices. But, in my vagina. The wounded are pouring out and dragging my womb with them. If they don't stop shooting soon, I'm going to call FEMA and the National Guard. Oh, wait, they wouldn't show up.... The Coast Guard? This is a liquid issue.

I think Niagara is missing its Fall. Let's not have a * panic - picnic . I found it at 3AM between my thighs. Too bad it's not a holiday weekend, Taco Grand Rapids could make some serious bank on tourism. It appears that a few stragglers have made it through without paying admission--fuckers. My mothah fuckin' cock suckin cramps have escalated beyond savage. Each womb gripping runner is laughing riotously at my heating pad and pain pills. I've been tossing and turning like a fish outta water all night. I'm overtired and in pain. Argh... I am grateful. I'm menstruating and everything is working. Thank God! *thank you, izzy

it's 5 mothah fuckin cock suckin am. I've been up since 3. I made myself horizontal around 11ish. I've slept maybe 6 hours in two nights. if I don't get some sleep, I am going to do a drama diva swan dive off the GGB (golden gate bridge). oh-my-god. I am so FUCKIN' tired. I woke up at 3AM to baghdad in my vagina. clots the size of a king's ransom. villages of busted rusty pipes pouring and gushing out of my snappin' pussy. the tank (my heating pad) conked out in the middle of the fuck-off-whore night. leaving my ovaries and womb unprotected and unable to fend for itself. where's my fuckin' back-up, god dammit? it's bad enough having a post pre-menstrual map of iraqi cities to attack on my face. I'm going to make myself horizontal and have a word with jesus. according to the zealots, he seems to be quite the miracle worker that one. if he thinks a loin cloth and thorn hat and a stroll will help me sleep, I'm down. the only thing I'm n...